wutupdate. on the sixes.

i'm noticing more and more that my main concern with these friday posts is to tell you how i'm doing with my "year of the womanly arts" challenge.  which is why i'm going to lead off today by telling you that i'm a bit of a failure this week.

i showered twice.  i brushed my hair zero times, until it was so tangled it was breaking off in chunks.  i'm not kidding you.  i bit my nails all stinking week and now they're all ragged and hang-nail-y.  my nail polish is all chipped off on my toes.

BUT! there is some good news!

1) i used a pinterest recipe for a sugar scrub and my legs now feel like frosting.  in a good way, as weird as that might sound.

2) as it turns out, it wasn't The Perfect Bag that was giving me The Arthritic Shoulder!  it was my lumpy, sorry excuse for a pillow.  as soon as i switched pillows, my shoulder healed right up and i can now carry my purse as capably and as proudly as any kardashian.  (i'm pretty sure that's the only thing i have in common with the kardashians, other than being pregnant and dramatic all the time and also being married to a black guy.)

and as for the rest of the week's updates:

i fell down the stairs.  with finneas in-arms.  whilst pregnant.  i kind of turned my body so i could grab the railing with my free hand, and leaned really far back so i wouldn't fall forward onto finn or my stomach, and i resultingly somehow jammed my femur up in between my shoulder blades.  or so it felt.  i am now what seems to be a permanent cripple.  and one leg is noticeably shorter than the other when i stand.  i'm turning into my mother.

penelope got her replacement glasses, and i was surprised at the level of joy i had seeing her wear them again.  when she first got glasses, i spent a long time grieving the fact that they covered her pretty face and eyes.  this week, when she put them on, i was like, there's my girl!  they're just part of her now.

i'm headed to an appointment with my new midwife this morning, and i'll get to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time!  hopefully they'll also schedule me for an ultrasound sometime in the near future, so we'll finally know if this kid is a von voorst or a van vaarst.  (clearly i'm a moron, judging by my jokes.)

and since i forgot last week, here are the two most recent photos of the Perpetual Baby House That Is Paige Van Voorst:

i look deceptively large in that last one.  that shirt is going to the back of the closet as soon as i'm done blogging for the day.

and here's one, for posterity's sake, of one (just one) of my eyes looking drunk:

it's all, need more eye whiskey! NEED MORE EYE WHISKEY! (cheap seats, anyone?)

anyway.  that was my week.  what was (wut)up with you?


YAYA said...


TRUE "i'm turning into my mother." (in that she certainly falls down often...)

FALSE she "seems to be a permanent cripple. and one leg is noticeably shorter than the other"

Thank you.

Amanda Cushman said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your fall but am glad you are all okay! You are such a gorgeous prego!

The Crislers said...

I see nothing wrong with the humor in this post; it actually made me laugh out loud. Twice. (The married to a black guy statement- not because I'm racist, but because Todd clearly isn't black. But you may have already figured that one out. What was the other one? Oh, yeah, the Van Voorst or Van Vaarst really tickled my funny bone.)

todd said...

i am black.