penelope is three!

yesterday was penelope's birthday.  while we didn't do much specifically for it (i was packing all day, plus her party will be this weekend), we did get a chance to do a few little things.  she blew out three candles at breakfast ('when i am three, i blow out three candles.  one candle, two candles, and then three candles.  like that.').  then, after she pooped in the toilet rather than in her diaper (it's still a work in progress), she got three chocolate chips instead of the regular two.  after lunch we ate ice cream with yet another candle in it.

i spent little chunks of the day reflecting on what we've been through and who she is.  she is a spitfire.  she knows what she wants and she's impossible to convince otherwise.  she knows how (and likes) to push your buttons on purpose.  she is a total clown and inherently knows what kind of stuff will get a laugh.  she is in a stage where she loves to pretend to be a baby.  she prefers to color/draw with pens rather than crayons.  she hates getting dirty.  she loves to read.  she speaks jibberish on purpose.

we've been through a lot together - we dealt with my postpartum depression after her birth, which was really hard for both of us, obviously in different ways.  there was that one time she was almost strangulated in her crib overnight.  but those experiences have really led to the unique relationship i have with her, and i'm so grateful god used those things to help me see her and and know her and appreciate her in ways i don't know that i would otherwise.

one of the more surprising parts about becoming a mom is that i find that their birthdays are less about 'them' than i would have assumed - every birthday that rolls around has me reflecting on their birth stories and their uniquenesses and my experience being their mom.  i find i have more to celebrate than just 'another year down,' as it feels when i'm celebrating my own birthdays.  i honestly enjoy their birthdays more than my own for that reason.  anyone else feel this way about their kids' birthdays?

the tale of the hard-to-get porch swing.

girlfriend had her heart set on getting into the porch swing.  the porch swing was all, nuh uh.  van voorsts are nothing if not pigheaded persistent.


and then she gave up.  porch swing wins.

weekly 'what's up'

top o' the marnin' to ya.

it's friday, and you know what that means:  everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend.  (tomorrow is saturday and sunday comes afterwaaaaaard; i don't want this weekend to eeeeeeeennnnndd.)  also, it means i'm updating you on our week.

likelihood is that, as you read this, i am out garage sale-ing.  my first outing of the year!  oh my, how i yearned for this day through the long, dreary, bargainless winter.  and it's here and i'm thrilled!

okay, but let's back up:  on tuesday, some friends offered to take the kids so i could go grocery shopping, and when i went to deposit them, my friends gave me gift cards to panera and starbucks and told me to take time for lunch while i was at it!!  are. you. kidding. me?!  so i skipped merrily and hands-free-ly along on my errands, then soaked in the pleasure of lunch by myself.  no feeding anyone but me.  no breaking up fights.  no picking up food/silverware/cups off the floor fifteen bajilliondy times throughout the course of the meal.  just me and my food and a(n uninterrupted!) call to my mom while i people-watched.  that's how i do.

for the life of me, i can't remember what we did on wednesday.  i'm skeptical that there even was a wednesday this week, now that i think about it.

oh right, now i remember.  our furnace died overnight on tuesday, so we spent wednesday  waiting for the furnace repair guy.  oh yeah.  and then we shelled out seven hundred bucks to fix our furnace, and scheduled an appointment for the repair guy to come back so he can install some other (yet-to-be-paid-for) part that he didn't have on hand.

we also spent some time baking cookies as a way to warm up the kitchen.

thursday was uneventful, other than i ate a bunch of cookies.

womanly arts update:  i'm currently not wearing any pants (at least as i write this - if i'm garage sale-ing at this point, i'm most likely wearing pants of some kind) and i'm wrapped up in a tacky minnie mouse fleece blanket and my hair is all wonky and i'm not wearing makeup and my nails are bitten to the quick and unpainted.  also i'm eating raw cookie dough, which is girlish but also PMS-y, so it's probably not a great indicator of any significant positive feminine strides.  i'm failing miserably at this challenge.  i should have named it the 'androgenous hobo-ly arts challenge.'  then i could have conquered the challenge, and made myself some kind of androgenous prize ribbon (probs made out of flannel or untanned cowhide) to wear, which would boost my self esteem just enough to overcome the shame and guilt at being the winner of such a challenge and wearing such a ribbon. 

pregnancy update: oh, did i fail to mention that they moved my due date back two weeks?  i'm all, i was there.  based on experiential knowledge and some crude math, i'm pretty sure i can tell you when i'm due.'  but they were all, 'the ultrasound says blarblarblar'.  so the ultrasound wins and i'm now officially due august 31.  which throws a wrench in the whole photo taking project:  do you take another 22-week photo, so then you have two, one of which has you looking bigger than in the first 23-week photo but not as big as in the second 23-week photo?  so confusing.  or do you just plan on taking photos through like week 45 or whatever?  (i also tend to go past due.)  good gravy, that's depressing.

we decided to go with the latter option and just keep plugging away in order.  here's this week's misleadingly-but-chronologically-numbered picture:

whew.  one more week of life down.  what was up with you?

how mumford & sons has restored some of my hope in humanity.

errrrrbdy and their mom likes mumford & sons, am i right?  i admit i'm no different; i mean, it makes sense, considering i'm a sucker for most things banjo and plus, they're mumford and who doesn't like mumford?!  and i'm not even going to lie to you and say something like, 'i loved mumford before they were cool' or whatever.  i didn't.  before they were cool, i had never heard of them, and then i had still never heard their music until well after they had become popular.  i was pretty late jumping on this bandwagon, but once i did, i jumped on it all willy-nilly and without care.

(which leads me to a tangent:  don't be a 'i liked _____ before it was popular' person.  that guy is an ass.  who the crap cares when you started liking it?  is this supposed to make me think more highly of you than if you had started liking it six months later than you did?  and the even ass-ier guy is the one who stops liking whatever it is as soon as he thinks it's becoming too popular, or looks down on people for only liking that thing 'because everyone else does.'  that guy is the walking definition of 'stinky turd.')

anyway.  i'm, in fact, encouraged by the very fact that EVERYONE loves mumford.  and here's why:

1. it gives me hope that people can still recognize quality.  mumford is legit.  there are plenty of one-trick ponies out there, cranking out the electronic reruns of songs we've already heard just because that makes for big money and fast fame.  or the music is half-decent, but the lyrics are insipid.  i mean,  don't get me wrong, i really do love Train as much as the next guy, but they are a prime example of the fact that you can be a band of total lyrical retards and still be insanely popular.  even people in comas 'get' Train songs.  or take ke$ha.  if you ever hear a mumford song about wanting to see some guy's dirty briefs, you'd probably assume that it has some deep and philosophical meaning about the afterlife that you can only pretend to get.  ke$ha, on the other hand?  you know she's just singing about seeing some guy's dirty briefs.  the only thing you may not understand is just how dirty those briefs might be.

2. it gives me hope that people can still recognize talent.  katy perry has a cat named Kitty Purry, which in my book should be the foundational principle upon which people respect her.  and rightly so: that is some funny stuff, people.  but beyond that, there's really no explicable reason that she's famous, other than that pop-radio enthusiasts are idiots.  except for when they, out of nowhere, band together and scream, "MORE MUMFORD & SONS."  unexpected, really.  but a welcome change of pace.

3. they are not famous because they writhe.  and that gives me hope that there may someday be less writhing in this world, generally speaking.  we little people like to mimic the famous.  at least if we're mimicking the guys in mumford & sons, we'll probably just stand there like normal people most of the time, and maybe make a few weird faces when we're getting really intense.  i can live with that.

4. they sing (realistically) about death.  when we're listening to full albums in the car, atticus likes to play the game, 'he's singing about dying again!'  they're not into this whole YOLO culture that acts like dying is for someday and acting like drunk, horny primates is for now.

5. BANJO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ERRRRBDY LOVES BANJO AGAIN!  it was a sad day when bob dylan plugged in that electric guitar way back when.  i blame him for the individual jackson careers.  and jock jams.  but i'm feeling that we may be coming full circle, and i'm hoping that maybe the fiddle? steel guitar? mandolin?  are soon to follow.  in a not-toby-keith kind of way. 

so, yes.  to sum up, i love this band, not only because they're talented, but because their immense popularity makes me feel like we are not all as stupid about music as i would have assumed.

but seriously, though, on a side note:  if i hear 'i will wait for you' one more time on the radio, i WILL light something on fire.

we're having a...

on friday, i had an appointment scheduled with my new midwife.  it was the first time we'd hear the heartbeat, so todd got a little time off work and we took the kids so we could all be there to hear the crazy swoosh-swoosh-swoosh.  we had no idea that the midwife would be all, 'wanna do your ultrasound, like, rightnow?'

not only did we all get to be there for it, but they also did those crazy 4-D ultrasounds, so we got to see the baby's face, not just the holes in her skull that form the face.  (lord love the 2-D ultrasounds, but there are some freaky images that show up.)

so without further ado, meet the newest baby GIRL van voorst, affectionately known to the existing v.v. kids as amelia bedelia.

the kids are still mourning the loss of what could have been a brother.  penelope keeps saying she wants five kids now, so she can have a brother.  it's hard to get her to see that she already has two.  but whatever.  we'll cross that bridge when we get there, sisterfriend. 

as for me, i couldn't be more thrilled that we're having another girl!  so excited for penelope to have a sister (and to get to pull out all those darling pink baby clothes again)!

just curious.

it's not a surprise to anyone that i'm a weirdo.  but get this: when i see or hear something really pretty, my mouth waters.  like, not just figuratively.  i saw this mint-colored barn the other day and my whole mouth was suddenly filled with saliva.  i clearly didn't want to eat the barn.  but something in my brain is like, "POSITIVE SENSORY INPUT!" and then tells my spit glands (or whatever, i'm clearly not a body scientist) to go nuts.  my fingers start to tingle too, like i want to put whatever the thing is in my pocket. 

how unusual is this?  let's take a survey: does this (or any other weird sensory response) happen to you?

wutupdate. on the sixes.

i'm noticing more and more that my main concern with these friday posts is to tell you how i'm doing with my "year of the womanly arts" challenge.  which is why i'm going to lead off today by telling you that i'm a bit of a failure this week.

i showered twice.  i brushed my hair zero times, until it was so tangled it was breaking off in chunks.  i'm not kidding you.  i bit my nails all stinking week and now they're all ragged and hang-nail-y.  my nail polish is all chipped off on my toes.

BUT! there is some good news!

1) i used a pinterest recipe for a sugar scrub and my legs now feel like frosting.  in a good way, as weird as that might sound.

2) as it turns out, it wasn't The Perfect Bag that was giving me The Arthritic Shoulder!  it was my lumpy, sorry excuse for a pillow.  as soon as i switched pillows, my shoulder healed right up and i can now carry my purse as capably and as proudly as any kardashian.  (i'm pretty sure that's the only thing i have in common with the kardashians, other than being pregnant and dramatic all the time and also being married to a black guy.)

and as for the rest of the week's updates:

i fell down the stairs.  with finneas in-arms.  whilst pregnant.  i kind of turned my body so i could grab the railing with my free hand, and leaned really far back so i wouldn't fall forward onto finn or my stomach, and i resultingly somehow jammed my femur up in between my shoulder blades.  or so it felt.  i am now what seems to be a permanent cripple.  and one leg is noticeably shorter than the other when i stand.  i'm turning into my mother.

penelope got her replacement glasses, and i was surprised at the level of joy i had seeing her wear them again.  when she first got glasses, i spent a long time grieving the fact that they covered her pretty face and eyes.  this week, when she put them on, i was like, there's my girl!  they're just part of her now.

i'm headed to an appointment with my new midwife this morning, and i'll get to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time!  hopefully they'll also schedule me for an ultrasound sometime in the near future, so we'll finally know if this kid is a von voorst or a van vaarst.  (clearly i'm a moron, judging by my jokes.)

and since i forgot last week, here are the two most recent photos of the Perpetual Baby House That Is Paige Van Voorst:

i look deceptively large in that last one.  that shirt is going to the back of the closet as soon as i'm done blogging for the day.

and here's one, for posterity's sake, of one (just one) of my eyes looking drunk:

it's all, need more eye whiskey! NEED MORE EYE WHISKEY! (cheap seats, anyone?)

anyway.  that was my week.  what was (wut)up with you?

video vednesday: good job, that was a test.

i'm hoping that we have a guest bathroom in our new house, just so i have an excuse to set out this super funny soap. again with the blur between tacky junk and appropriate decor.  but srrrsly, if you don't think this soap is ridiculous and yet somehow profoundly tasteful, maybe you don't need to be a guest in my home.  that's for you to sort out on your own.  (totes kidding; you don't have to like the soap to stay here.  but if i catch you not wearing a cowboy hat and full suit in my shower, you're out of here.)

one cook is too many cooks in the kitchen, if that cook is me.

i've never really liked to cook.  i think it started out as a direct result of my complete cluelessness and my tight grocery budget, and was fueled by some early failures (um, have you heard the story of that one time, early in marriage, when i made Jalapeno-Coconut Milk-Pumpkin Soup?  can you guess, on a scale of one to sewage, just how disgusting it was?  i bet you can.)

then i had kids and my disdain for cooking got stronger.  not only was i exhausted by the end of the day, but i would have to figure out how to cook with kids running between my legs and sticking their heads in the oven and generally just being antagonistic toward the whole process.  not to mention the scientifically proven fact that a child cannot be within a ten-foot radius of the stove without whining his head off.  then, once i got the food on the table, the kids would - without fail - complain about what i made, ask for something different, cry, throw it/spit it out, and/or start gagging.  hardly makes the effort seem worth it.

and then there's after-dinner cleanup, which makes me want to die.  i'm wondering if that guy that sawed his own arms off at the home depot did it as an excuse to get out of scraping dried eggs off the sides of a pan.

but lately, i feel like the heavens have been parting and the angels have been singing and cooking has generally been on the up and up.  and here's why:

1. a strict "stop whining or get out of my kitchen" rule.  harsh but effective.

2. pinterest, and recipes i'm actually excited to try.  (HUGE motivator!)

3. a slightly-expanded tolerance for new foods on the part of my kids.

4. pinterest-recipe brownies to use as self-medication when things go terribly awry.  (this is still real-life, after all.)

what has helped you guys hate cooking less?  or am i alone in finding it a scourge?  please tell me i'm not alone...

does this count as writing a guest post? sort of?

a while ago, i sent an email to my friend jenni, in hopes that it would encourage her.  in a sweet turn of events, she thought it would be helpful to share with other moms and posted it on her blog.  head on over there - i hope you can be encouraged too!

just call me quasi for short.

so, i have a bit of a problem.

you know how i mentioned a week or so ago that, in my attempt to start looking less vagrant, i bought a purse?  did i mention that it's the perfect shade of brown-but-not-too-brown-but-not-too-orange-but-not-too-tan?  did i tell you how it is the perfect shape with unobtrusive hardware?  did i let you know that it is the perfect size for all of my wallet-and-book-and-diaper carrying needs?  it really is the perfect bag.


i have never had a bag give me such bad shoulder pain before.  i'm not talking about annoying or mildly uncomfortable.  i'm talking, 'my whole shoulder is burning and it's all i can think about and it's making me nauseous and it's all i can think about' kind of pain.

what's a girl to do?  i think i mentioned that it's the.perfect.bag.  plus, i spent more than i typically do on a bag, simply because (that's right) it's so perfect.  i can't give it up!

but goshdarnit, pretty soon here, i'm not going to have a shoulder to carry it on because i sawed it off with a pocket knife to alleviate the pain.  though i'm not so sure that being self-inducedly shoulderless (and, resultingly, also armless) is all that Womanly.

what is a girl to do? 

let's do it, a-break it down!

(yo gabba gabba, anyone?!)

so.  i totally failed at posting a video yesterday, even though y'all came through for me and sent me some great ones!  but it was a weird day, and i didn't even get a chance to check my email until 11:00 last night, so forgive me.  i'll do better next week.

what could have possibly occupied all my time yesterday?  well, thanks for asking (you're so kind and inquisitive!).  i'll go right ahead and describe it to you in list-form:

number of hours spent in the car: 4.5

number of terrible radio stations on the way: 1,000,000.

number of doctor appointments scheduled: 1

number of offices visited in an attempt to find the right one: 4

number of offices in which i cried at the reception desk: 1

number of offices in which i spent nearly 2 hours of my life: 1

number of insurance providers that claim to cover me: 0

number of full-caf, tons-of-creamer coffees used to self-medicate: 2

number of hours spent napping in someone else's bed: 1!

number of People Magazine cover-story exposes read in their entirety: 2

number of husbands with the flu: 1

number of hours spent cleaning the house in anticipation of today's appraisal: 2.5

number of clean, ready-to-be-folded loads of laundry staring me in the face as i type this: a guesstimated 7

i should probably go eat some cereal and watch friends and avoid folding laundry at all costs. (much of the laundry is from easter sunday, which shows you i'm getting pretty proficient at procrastination and avoidance).  just another day in the life of paige van voorst.

on today's agenda:

1.  going to the eye doctor's office, yet again, to have penelope's glasses fixed, yet again.  i swear we're in there about once every two weeks.  this time it's because she got bored on the drive home from waterloo this weekend, so she decided to take them off and them.  i really have no idea how she managed it, but both ear pieces came off and a lens popped out.  so they're barely even recognizeable as glasses.

2.  bemoaning the change of weather from eighty degrees and sunny yesterday (i got sunburned!  while wearing a tank top!  while working in the yard!) to fifty degrees and rainy today.  it's supposed to snow on thursday.

which brings me to a tangent on my love/hate relationship with iowa weather.  obviously, i love the seasons.  most people do, i'd guess, unless those people are stupid.  but wow, there's a lot of drama in iowa regarding the weather.  just the other afternoon i was taking a soak (that's my quaint way of saying 'bath') during naptime, and the tornado sirens started going off.  before i had a chance to look at the sky (normal-grey, not greeny-grey, so no worries there) and evidence of wind (breezy, but not dead-still or gusting, so apparently these were just practice sirens), the single panicked thought popped into my mind: 'ohp, it's spring in iowa and you should never find yourself naked for longer than absolutely necessary because you never know when the wind is going to pick up your house and fling you directly onto the mayor's dining room table.'

moral of the story: i quickly got out of the tub after that, both to avoid voyeurism in the event of a twister and to not be in a body of water should lightning strike.  if there's one silver lining to iowa weather, it's that i'm clearly prepared for a myriad of unlikely conditions at the hands of extreme weather.  i'll probably also be able to sense the second armageddon starts. 

the 'spicy curry' award goes to finneas.

well, it wasn't curry, specifically.  but it was spicy.

on saturday, we took a long and pointless trip to waterloo to look at houses.  major flop and we are still homeless come june 26.  but the silver lining of all of that is that we got to experience famous dave's barbecue for the first time. (it was six pm when we finished looking at houses, and the kids hadn't had much of a nap that day, and we were all on the brink of cagefighting each other, so we figured we should find food before coming home.)  and the silver lining of that is that i can now say with confidence that finneas could probably eat molten lava without blinking an eye.

that kid downed baked beans and brisket that were definitely not mild.  i was sweating as i ate it.  and to top it all off, he kept pilfering pickles off my plate, which doesn't sound like a big deal, but maybe i should clarify that they were listed on the menu as "hellfire pickles."  didn't even flinch, just stuffed them into his mouth with his tiny little fist.

i have not yet seen it come out the other end, and i am very afraid.

the weekly 'what's up' (books edition, apparently.)

i really have no idea how we spent this week; it has seriously flown by.  i DO know that the weather has been amazing for the last few days and we tried to get outside most days.  (not to mention, i'm reading 'last child in the woods' and it's burdening me with guilt, shame, and fear over the fact that our kids don't play outside all day, every day because they're going to develop ADHD or cultural autism or nature-deficit disorder.  two of those three things are even made up by the author, so you can see that the book is pretty convincing.)

speaking of reading, now that the weather is turning, i'm back into my groove of wanting to read at every opportunity.  i don't know why i do that, but every spring and summer i am ravenous for books.  this week i have finished 'the widow of the south' and worked on 'last child in the woods,' 'reader's digest 1001 hints and tips for your garden,' and 'the hidden art of homemaking.'  i desperately want to get through these so i can grab up some michael pollan and wendell berry from the library - you know, it will be gardening season soon! (not that i'm planning on planting on anything this year other than some early-crop peas, but nothing like gardening season to make me want to overhaul my diet and environmental legislation and our culture's approach to food while i'm at it.  nbd.)

and speaking of books, i got the following stash in the mail from a friend this week and am DYING to get into all of these (i already started the green one and have looked through 'the art of instruction'; i have read 'little heathens' every spring for the last three years, so i bet i'll be starting that one soon as well.)

  okay, what else this week?

i finally got my first prenatal appointment scheduled for next week in waterloo.  i have no idea what to expect as far as the reputation of the midwives or condition of the hospital, etc, which is actually really unnerving.  so i'm glad, if only for that reason, to finally get a chance to find out what i'm in for.

maybe you can't see it here, but the front of my shirt is smeared with guacamole.  #classitup

yesterday a friend watched the big kids for me so that finneas and i could go to waterloo and look at houses.  as much as i hate to admit it (because i like to think of myself as highly judgmental of waterloo), it was promising.  there's a house finneas is pretty excited about.  he may or may not have woken up this morning thinking about the perfect place to put a skylight and how the house would look if the carpet was replaced with hardwoods.

womanly arts update: nails left unbitten, pants donned most days, and i purchased three new pairs of shoes and a new purse so that i can work on my goal of no longer looking like a homeless fareway bagboy.

today's agenda includes bawling like a baby when my friend alyssa moves away, and cleaning out my flower beds.

happy friday!

easter! easter! read all about it!

easter was the. funnest. ever.

we had a bunch of people over, including some family, friends and a couple people i had never met before in my life.  the wine was brought by a genuine, full-blooded, native-speaking italian, for crying out loud.  it was like a movie.

in all, there were eleven adults plus the v.v. kids.  this photo doesn't even include the card table we added onto the end for more seating.  it was glorious, perfect madness!  i love having people over for big meals - it is seriously one of the best parts of life!  probably because i get to use my garage sale linens, and set out $2 aldi tulips and free lemons as centerpieces, and look like i have things pulled together.  (i don't.)

oh, and here's a later photo of everyone, including me stuffing my face:

the menu:
..cinnamon rolls for breakfast (paula deen's recipe mixed with another recipe that uses ice cream in the caramel sauce.  noodle on that sentence for a second.)

..salt-crusted beef tenderloin with salsa-stuff. (6-star rating from yours truly)

..ham, brought by a friend.

..lemon-dressed potatoes and carrots that i forgot to make, so it got 5 stars for being so easy.

..homemade bread.

..salad, which got one star because no one ate it, and the ones that did forgot to put salad dressing on it, and we have a bunch of leftovers that todd hates because there are (now-slimy) pears inside.  fail.

..cheesy potatoes brought by a friend.  (i'll get the recipe and share it - so yummy!) beans with toasted almonds and dried cranberries, made by my mother dearest.

..homemade chocolate cake with insane ganache.  this cake will make you want to kill people because you're on a sugar high and suddenly paranoid that everyone around you is trying to take your cake.  so eat it at your own risk, but seriously.  SO. GOOD.

..homemade lemonade, red wine, and store brand soda to drink.  class it up.

the fam was looking pretty dapper (at least before penelope got some kind of orange saucey stuff on her sweater and lost her barrette.  it's always something).

and here's a sweet instagram photo taken by my close friend alyssa, who is moving away on friday, to my heart's unending grief:

okay, quick story about my dress, and then i'm done:

i looked EVERYWHERE for a good two weeks before easter to find a decent easter dress.  is that really too much to ask for?  but even the crazy-expensive dresses at places like von maur were just 'meh.'  so by the friday before easter, i had just resolved to wear last year's dress and stop looking for anything new.  AND THEN! AT TARGET! TWO DAYS BEFORE EASTER! FOR DIRT CHEAP!  i found The One, in all its boatnecked, bright-floraled glory.  and also some on-sale shoes.  and also some cute new jewelry.  all for less than half the price of the von maur dresses.  and it was perfectly, perfectly Me. 

and that was our easter!

video vednesday: (crickets chirping)

hey players.  (i actually wanted to say, 'hey playaaaaz,' but i wondered if that sounded like i was trying too hard.  not sure at what, but trying too hard at something.  also, it's a commonly known fact that only d-bags use unnecessary z's when they spell stuff.)

anyway.  it is wednesday.  or, as it is known in the van voorst house, 'vednesday.'  (or, as it is known by the van voorst spawn, 'TRASH TRUCK DAY!')  yes, it is video vednesday and i don't have a video.  which kind of strips me of the authority to use a weird, innappropriate consonant at the beginning of 'vednesday.'  which means it's back to being tired old wednesday, the day of the week where i need a little pick-me-up because life is still horrible and the rest of the week is still stretched out indefinitely before me.  calling it boring, normal old 'wednesday' does nothing for me.

what i'm getting at is this: my bank of sweet vids is all shrivelly and dried up and blowing away in the wind, like i imagine my post-menopausal uterus will be after all of this crazy-go-nuts procreation activity.  i need your help! (with the bank of vids, not the potential uterus thing.)  if you've got any funny videos you think would keep me or anyone else from wanting to die midweek, send them my way!

fine print:

1. i'll give credit where credit is due.
2. i might not use every one sent to me.  (i have discerning taste in crappy memes and homegrown videos.  i'm like the fancy feast cat, where you're all, 'yeah, you think you're discerning, but really, Cat? it's still just cat food that looks like someone ate it before it was offered to you, it's just in a crystal goblet.  you got had.'  wait.  what?  trust me, the metaphor makes sense in my head.)
3. it has to be clean.  and probably has to be funny.
4. if it has hip-hop music so i can drop down and get my crazy on, it's a shoe-in.

thanks for the help, playaaaaz.

hey! long time no blog!

yikes.  i'm a little behind in blogging, huh?  well, i feel like making some excuses, so here they are: first, i'm kind of under the weather.  (must have partied a little too hearty on easter.  i'll post about that later this week.)  second, the kids are under the weather.  third, the computer cord is under the weather.  by which i mean, it completely died and was no more.  but in an easter miracle, it was resurrected back to life last night! (that's a lie; todd had to go buy a new one.  but still.  it feels miraculous that my computer is working this morning, so we'll go with it.)

anyway.  i have a lot to tell you, like how i encased a beef tenderloin in four pounds of salt and cooked it with my fingers crossed and it turned out DELICIOUS.  and how i put anchovies in this salsa-stuff i made for the beef tenderloin, but i didn't tell anyone they were in there, but how the salsa tasted awesome anyway.  (easter joke's on them.)  and how this tanning lotion i've been using has not turned me into a circus peanut, but how i have these orange rings around my ankles where i got a little lackadaisical with the whole "even application" rule.  and how i've been looking up municipal laws regarding chicken keeping because GOOD HEAVENS DO I WANT CHICKENS.  (and also an urban homestead where i grow all my own grains and harvest and weave my own cotton.  that's a lie but you could see where i might go there.)

see? there's a lot to tell you.  but there's so little time this morning! so i promise to be better about posting blogs through the rest of this week and not be such a lazy slacker anymore.