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The Year of the Womanly Arts.

i turn twenty-seven next week.  twenty-seven.  i get that on shows like 'sex and the city' and 'friends' and 'coach' there's this feeling that twenty-six is still young.  twenty-six is all, 'you're young! you're hip! you live in the city! you wear jimmy choos because you're twenty-six and you do what you want!' 

well, reality check.  i'm pregnant for the fourth time and i shower twice a week.  i can't wear bikinis anymore because, underneath adequate coverage, i look like a tube sock full of dry beans.  i feel like i'm doing twenty-six all wrong.  but twenty-seven! the chance to make a change is coming!  so i've dubbed this coming year of life, The Year of the Womanly Arts.

now, i don't mean mastering the art of changing my mind, or going from happy to in-a-starving-rage in .02, as many people are led to believe The Womanly Arts are comprised of.  i've got those down pat.  i mean Feminine Things.  painting my nails.  making pot roast.  wearing clean clothes on a daily basis. 

first thing on the list for my twenty-seventh year (i'm getting a head start - a very Feminine thing to do, if i do say so) is growing out and reshaping my eyebrows.  i'm clearly no beauty expert, unless by 'beauty,' you mean 'sweatpants,' and by 'expert,' you mean 'wearer.'  but one thing i know: scraggly eyebrows are not Feminine.  so about once a year i don't pluck them for a month or so, let them get really crazy wonky, and then reshape them.  i recommend everyone do the same.  i've seen too many trashstache eyebrows to count and i, for one, am ready to rid the world of them.

only, i'm almost twenty-seven now and my eyebrows are thinner than they used to be.  i used to have AMPLE eyebrow to work with.  case in point:



no longer.  they've stopped being so luscious and refuse to grow.  so they've been in this constant state of half-wonky for the last six weeks.  le sigh.  apparently The Womanly Arts have eluded me once again.  i should probably put my sweatpants back on and call the whole effort off.

one more for good measure:



oh yeah.

1 comment :

todd said...

did squidward even have eyebrows?