should have seen it coming.

(do not read while eating or bathing - if that's even possible - or if you have a weak stomach. you're welcome.)

i give my kids baths twice a week: sunday mornings before church (or saturday night if we're going to the early service) and wednesday mornings so they can be clean for children's church that night. yes, i could bathe them more and yes, they do start to develop a smell in between so i know i probably should bathe them more. but it's either twice a week or never, since i don't have the motivation to do it more than that and also i do not feel like paying the water bill for more-than-twice-a-week baths. selfish reasoning? yes. effective reasoning? also yes.

SO. on to the actual point of the story. it's wednesday. the kids are in the tub together, and i'm taking advantage of the situation by cleaning the bathroom and putting away towels while they fight to the death play. suddenly, telltale bubbles start rising from under penelope, and she giggles and says, 'tooting! tooting!'

me: 'are you tooting, sis?'

penelope: 'yep!'

and my response, occuring to me only because the day or two before i had realized that i had never experienced a child pooping in the tub, was: 'haha, okay. toot all you want, just don't poop in the tub.'

penelope: (a little timidly) pooping.


penelope: yep.

so i scramble to get the kids out of the tub and wrapped in towels to warm up, but then i don't know what to do. are you allowed to just drain turds or am i civically responsible for dredging them out by hand? like, if i send them down the tub drain rather than the toilet, are they more likely to end up in my drinking water later on? since i have no idea, i don't think about it too hard and risk it by sending those suckers down the drain.

no such luck. unfortunately, penelope had been a tad constipated and these little guys are rock hard little pellets that basically just pile up on top of the drain and keep the rest of the crap water in the tub.

and at this moment i realize the irony of my 'i'm not a germophobe' post on monday, because i'm gagging as i figure out whether or not 'plan b' has anything to do with waiting until todd gets ten hours.

well, sparing the details, i man up and do what needs to be done, and then i scrub that tub and my hands as though...well, as though they are covered in fecal matter. which is pretty thorough scrubbing for those of you who have never had the pleasure.

then i put the kids back in the tub and hope that NEVER EVER happens again. and then i tell myself that just to think those things jinxes me, because look how i found myself here. had i not blogged about being proudly anti-antibac and prided myself on the fact that my kids weren't tub-poopers, i bet this never would have happened.

actually, it probably would have, but it does seem a bit fortuitous, does it not?


Anonymous said...

This has literally happened to me at least 6 times. Now Eden is afraid to bathe with Cooper because of his poop! I usually just fish out the big chunks, drain the water, wash all tub toys and clean the tub - then clean kids:-)

Oh and I only bathe my kids twice a week (once for church and once midweek so they smell good). And bathing them together saves on water as well!!!

MamaMae said...

hmmmm.....considering bathing my boys less now. ha! that aside, oh boy....i must have blocked those moments from my memory b/c as i read over your post i can't remember if/when the boys ever did that but i am positive the must have. i just don't remember. you crack me up. i come here to catch up on what's happening in your family and to get my weekly laugh. thanks ;)

Allison said...

I'm curious how I will handle it in the future when J decides to poop in the shower...since we don't have a tub. He has pooped in his crib before when I had him bottomless when he was battling diaper rash, and that was actually an easy fix because his mattress is maybe the shower will be just as easy? We'll see!