who wears short shorts? and no shirt? and needs a tan?

this one time in high school, i was at work, washing dishes, and this co-worker (who was generally predatory anyway) came into the kitchen.  we were the only two in there, and he stood in the doorway and took off his shirt and just stood there all bare-nippled for what felt like about 20 million hours.

so i did what i assume any normal seventeen year old human would do - i looked away, pretended he didn't exist, and turned bright red as i finished washing the dishes.  eventually he must have put his shirt back on and left.  or maybe he's still standing there to this day. i'm not sure.

let me tell you another little story: i go grocery shopping every other thursday night.  apparently, every other thursday night is also on some guy's schedule to go walking around downtown with no shirt, i'm assuming to show off his well-cut but very white pectorals.  once i even saw him walking shirtless while carrying a small child.  now that is dedication to trying to get the chicas to at least whistle at him.

let me tell you yet another little story:  i know a girl who has a guy friend who habitually removes his shirt at the most random times: in public, at his apartment, in large movie-night gatherings at other people's houses.  he just pretends to get hot or something and opens his top button...and just keeps going until he's just skins.

which leads me to my question: do guys think this is more sexy than awkward? it would appear so.  however, i know of no girl who gets all hot and bothered seeing a guy with a mr. cotter haircut and no shirt walking down the street, regardless of how muscular he is.  in fact, if other girls are anything like me, they try to avoid eye contact so as not to risk communicating that they're way into it.  because, in my book, guys who are asking to be ogled a) don't deserve it, b) make me extremely uncomfortable, and c) probably also have some weird skill where they can make their pecs dance, and if somebody looks at them long enough they might be emboldened to try it, and i really don't want that visual burned into my brains.

so.  i guess what i'm saying is that i spend a lot of time on this blog deriding girls who don't keep their orifices and fattiest bits covered up.  but now i think it's time to get on the case of the fellas who find it appropriate to walk around shirtless in public arenas other than the pool. 

also, while we're at it, short shorts on guys do not communicate 'look at my sinewy hamstrings' so much as they scream, 'awkward shirtless guy in shorties at eleven-o-clock.' 

please don't be that guy.  i implore you.

1 comment :

todd said...

Myself, I'm a longpants man.