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why i'm forced to post this hastily illustrated, and admittedly androgynous and ugly, picture of a baby.



it's because my own real-life, feminine and cute-as-a-button (or so i hope and assume) baby is not here yet.

(kay, srrsly, why do i hate that above baby so much?  i think it's the pig nose or the way i gave up trying when drawing the melty-looking mouth.  either way, if i met that baby in real life, i think i would have to suppress an urge to chuck it in a lake.  and that type of urge is not typical for me, so that's how i know i especially hate that baby above.)


yeah, i know i posted it on facebook yesterday that we were on our way toward seeing baby schaeffer.  as it turns out, people are sometimes wrong, which makes them inadvertent liars.  social media really only exacerbates this problem, as i'm finding out.  so here is where i explain myself.

i was woken up at 6:15 yesterday morning by some crazy-strong contractions and i was all like, 'labor yes or labor no?'  so i waited until i'd had a couple more to be all, 'labor probs!'  so i called my mom and my sister to tell them to be prepared to come this way, but not to leave yet, because i didn't want to jump the gun.  about half an hour later, with contractions still going strong, i called them again to tell them to start the drive (they each have to come from around two hours away) because this was it!  and then, like a noob, i decided to post our 'big news' on facebook.

and then it was like mark zuckerberg himself jumped out and shot-blocked me.  like this, only less pixelated:



i kept having contractions on and off throughout the day, some of which were really intense, but they never really seemed to get serious about pushing this baby out.  finally, around five, i went in to the doctor to be checked, and i was all, 'please give me some good news.'  and she was all, 'i think you're maybe dilated to...one...?'  and i'm not going to lie, i cried a lot, then i came home and laid in bed for a while and cried some more, then i ate nachos and jalapenos and popcorn and a huge snickers bar for dinner, food allergies be darned.

it was just really disappointing to have spent the whole day thinking i would get to meet her, and then come home empty-handed.  it was hard to come back to the house where all her tiny clothes and diapers and things were standing ready, after really believing all day that she'd come home to fill them, and to not have anything to show for the day.  i know i didn't suffer any actual loss, but it felt a little grievous.  plus, i felt stupid for having told people and then needing to go back and play indian giver.

so there you have it:  why i spread misleading information on the internet and got you all riled up, why i'm still giantly pregnant, and why my laptop is covered in popcorn butter and i'm dealing with a horrible stomach ache.  everything is the worst.

2 comments :

todd said...

Schaeffer didn't want to fall short of her dad's prediction, so she's waiting until Sunday.

Sorry about that.

YAYA said...

Mrs. VV, What big biceps you have!