i stuck my head in an oven, all for the greater good.

when we moved in a year ago, one of the things i LOVED about our new house was our sparklingly clean oven.  i had never before laid eyes an oven with a window you could actually see through!  novel!

well, needless to say, that glitzy oven has been used for a year and was showing some wear and tear.  i finally decided to clean it after each and every half-second crack of the door would send the smoke detector a-blaring.  however, i didn't realize that my oven is not self-cleaning, one luxury that i apparently took for granted over at our super ghetto apartment.  and being anti-corrosive cleaning supplies, i couldn't use standard oven cleaner in good conscience. 

so i tried my hand at good, old-fashioned, elbow-grease kind of oven cleaning.  and it majorly sucked.  it essentially involved a paste of baking soda, which was then sprayed with vinegar and scrubbed clean.  awful.  awful.  but the worst part of it all is what leads me to the actual point of this post.

who was the racist who designed this stupid oven?! 

the baking soda crumbles kept falling through the crack between the door and the oven, down into that drawer thing below.  but i couldn't remove the drawer because it's basically welded in place.  to make matters worse, there is this crack all the way around the bottom of the drawer where the crumbles would build up, but that i couldn't scrub out, and i obviously couldn't tip the drawer upside down because, as i've established, it was non-removable. 

and as for the crumbles that fell on the floor?  i couldn't sweep under the stove because its feet are non-slip and it wouldn't budge.  and as i've said a million times already, that dumb drawer wouldn't pull out so i could cheat and get to the underside that way.

at this point i was pretty darn close to dropping an f-bomb or two.  how did cleaning my oven all of a sudden make my kitchen irreversibly dirtier?  not to rag on the less delicate sex, but men who don't cook design kitchen crap.  i'm positive of it.

men who don't cook and who don't have kids, but who do have maids, design kitchen crap.

who IN THE WORLD decided stainless steel was the 'in' thing?!  and don't even get me started on the absolute ridiculousness that is the side-by-side fridge.  i HATE that thing.  who would make a freezer that can't even fit a casserole dish?!?! FASCISTS, THAT'S WHO.  dishwashers that you can only run pre-cleaned dishes through?  ovens that require you to remember to push 'start' even after you typed in your desired temperature?  fridges with shelves that don't come out for cleaning?  not to be a jerk or anything, but if you're the one who designed one or all of these things, you may want to soberly examine yourself to see if you're an idiot.  all i'm saying is that it's a possibility.

SO i propose that someone pay me to come up with something better.  i bet you a thousand schrute bucks i could do it, and i'd take my winnings and buy my self-designed appliances with them.  (even though one thousand schrute bucks are only worth about ten real cents... but my self-designed appliances would not only be the ULTIMATE in standard kitchen appliances, they'd also be affordable.  everyone is going to LOVE me for this and maybe i'll get to be on the nate berkus show.)

so pull out your dimes, ladies.  you're going to want to invest in these puppies.  and no need to thank me; i'm just an ordinary lady trying to do my job.

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