Pages

go text yourself.

OH. MY. WORD.  get ready for a rant.  and lots of caps usage.

i hate it when people have full-on text conversations when you're hanging out with them.  as the texter in this situation, you can't come off not looking like a major A-hole.  either every two minutes you're all, hang on while i totally ignore you for 20 seconds, or you're all, i'm pretending to listen to what you say by looking at your face but really i'm texting under the table.  tell me one or both of those isn't douchey. i dare you.

PUT YOUR FREAKING PHONE AWAY.  IF THE PERSON YOU'RE TEXTING IS SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING, GO HANG OUT WITH THEM.  OR ALTERNATIVELY, WAIT AN HOUR AND ACTUALLY CALL THEM ON THE DRIVE HOME FROM MY HOUSE.

BAH!

don't get me wrong - i'm not incensed at the tiniest little text.  someone texts and is like, did i leave my suzanne summers autobio at ur house, go ahead and spend the .75 second it takes to be all, 'no.'  while i would encourage you to hold your friend spiritually accountable for their horrible literary choices, now is not the time for that.  call it a day and quit texting.  this does not have to turn into a conversation.

DO NOT text while you drive, either.  i prefer to die quietly in my sleep at the same time as todd, like in the notebook - not in some firey car crash because you and your bestie are text-fighting over whether or not to eat at buffalo wild wings.

you may say i'm biased because i don't text.  at all, really.  i don't even pay to have texting included in my cell phone plan (gasp) so it costs like a quarter per text for me to even attempt it.  not to mention that my thumbs are apparently made of cement and a quick 'yep!' response text takes me the better part of 15 minutes to type.

but, you know what? i have the audacity to say that i wish more thumbs were made of cement.  i wish more texts cost a quarter a piece.  and i wish more people got pissed at rude phone usage.  the world would be a better, less annoying place.  also, fewer people would die in car crashes because i would stop trying to T-bone them while they're texting.

****

and in a related rant: WHY CAN'T A PHONE JUST BE A PHONE? why must it also be a text messager, a TV, a web browser, a day planner, a camera, a tracking device, a gateway device into zero-budget porn, a lousy excuse for a book...ugh.  it makes me sick to see everybody so connected to their stupid phones and ignoring the actual flesh-and-blood humans sitting next to them.

GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND MAKE AN ACTUAL FRIEND.  NOT A FACEBOOK FRIEND.  NOT A SEXTING BUDDY.  A FRIEND.  (if you don't know what i'm talking about, ask a person over the age of 60.  anyone younger than that is 60% as likely as you to not have any idea what i'm talking about.)  then - get this - invite them to do stuff.  in real life.  and while you're hanging out with them, DON'T TEXT.  see what kind of magic happens.

2 comments :

The Crislers said...

I have texting blocked on my phone. Wanna hang out sometime?

paige said...

i would LOVE to hang out with you. i bet the old kermudgen magic would fly. also - it's been like a million years anyway, and i think it's about time.