pity, party of one.

hey, anyone remember celebreality monday?  let's go all old school today and bring that sucker back.

i am a-wallowing in self pity lately.

i'm all, boo-hoo, i can never leave my house.  85% of the time, someone in my house is crying.  i am so over being primarily responsible for four lives, four butts to wipe, four mouths to stuff (if you're confused on the math, i'm counting my own life, butt and mouth in there).  i can't even go to the doctor or the grocery store without having to pack a week's worth of water, food and first aid supplies.  i'm constantly meeting everyone else's needs and wants, constantly trying to finish at least one task before three more get added to my list, constantly having to bear the burden that is simply listening to all the NOISE.  blah blah blah, woe is me. 

last night, some kid spilled milk on my new-but-already-stained-with-blood-and-puke slipcover.  and i was all, it sucks that we can't have nice things.

and it's true.  we can't really have nice things and expect them to stay nice.  stainless steel?  white slipcovers? a rug under the dining room table? what are we, idiots?  apparently so, since we have all of these things.

but god later whispered, you can't have nice things because you have wonderful things.  yeah, i totally wish my house would stay clean for at least thirty seconds before looking like a tornado-ravaged landfill.  i wish my slipcovers would stay white, my stainless would actually stay stainless, and the rug under my dining room table did not feel crusty and smell like cheese.  but those nice things lose their niceness because of the wonderful little things running around ruining them.  and i'd rather have ruined nice things than unappreciated wonderful things.


todd said...

very well put.

whenjeskasparks said...

you are my hero.
and not in the lame, hyper-cliche way that sounds.

in the serious, 9-11 firefighters type of way.
('cept i'm not like crazy in love with you like some people were...awkwaaard.)

but seriously.
you constantly remind me that it's okay to be honest. and raw. and real. that it's okay to admit when you need help. you can laugh and cry and not be judged for either. like you said the other day on the phone, the good days are good and the bad days are bad and you call them as you see them. that makes you so beautiful to me. you don't (and not because you don't have time) paint a porcelain fa├žade on yourself and never allow your smile crack.
thank you for reminding me it's okay to be me.
thank you for reminding me that it's in His grace that our weaknesses are covered.

in other news,
i missed you so much the other day i started to cry. you can even ask josh. i lost two, maybe three tears on your account.
oh, and i'm currently down with bronchitis, so i'm comforting myself by watching a midsummer night's dream. it also is making me think of you.

you're one of my greatest treasures. above all else, for ever and ever, i shall have Jesus and Josh and You. (thank you for breaking what would be an awful alliteration stretch.)

i love you. i hope you are getting rest for your momma heart.

Allison said...

Awww, I love this post, not because of your suffering (that's no fun!) but because of your turning to God and listening to how WONDERFUL you are! You are an amazing mommy. What would they do if you didn't wipe there bottoms (or how miserable would you be if you didn't wipe your own, yikes!). I admire you for all of your hardwork!

the crawfords said...

awesome post! so far today I have cleaned up spilled milk, spilled coffee, wiped two butts, and have a bunch of something yucky stuff on the bottom of my feet. all of which would not have happened if i didn't have children. getting rid of them is not ok with me so i better be ok with the mess they make.