we're having a crafty little christmas this year, mostly because in october todd took his car in for maintenance and it cost us over nine hundred dollars. (yes, you read that right, and yes, i felt nauseous when i heard the news, too.) so the budget for the kids' gifts is $10. total. combined.
so...ramshackle crafts it is.
one thing i have yet to consistently remember about myself is that, deep down, i usually really hate crafting. i always forget and i look at pinterest and am like, oh i could do that/sew that/glue gun that! how hard can it be? and i drop down and get my crafty on grrrl and it starts out actually really great. i ride this wave of 'i am woman, watch me handstitch' for a while and feel pretty invincible.
but then something goes wrong. my bobbin runs out of thread. the tension gets all wonky. i glue gun my fingers together. and then i start cussing under my breath, but try to fix the problem and power through.
but then the problem is unfixable and something else goes wrong. the freaking ruffle isn't ruffling. the mesh is getting stuck in the sewing machine gears. the machine stops working altogether shortly after the (last) needle (i have on hand) breaks. and then, oh honey. i go ape crap.
no more under-the-breath cussing for me. i'm calling down curses from heaven on my sewing machine. i'm threatening to rip the handmade doll (or, the unfinished parts of the handmade doll) limb from limb. and then i storm out of the room and start to blog instead.
which is why i'm considering printing out a transcript of my blog for each of the kids, putting it in their stockings, and considering them christmas'd. i think they'll like it. at the very least, they'll appreciate that their gifts didn't come at the cost of me murdering someone in my craft-rage and spending christmas in prison.
merry handmade christmas, kiddies.
Showing posts with label that's ridiculous.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label that's ridiculous.. Show all posts
excellent.
our upstairs neighbor is particularly endearing. so endearing, in fact, that i have dubbed him/her "the yeti." through very little intentional sleuthing, i have gathered these facts about our mystical friend:
*the yeti enjoys the game rock band. the yeti has an affinity for drumming.
*the yeti has friends who thoroughly enjoy the f-word. and, quite likely, getting drunk.
*the yeti often wears high heels, or has a partner who often wears high heels. typically around 7:30 in the morning. and especially in the uncarpeted kitchen and bathroom areas.
*the yeti has interesting hibernation patterns. dormant for long periods of time, the yeti will then awaken and tear the kitchen cabinets off the walls. or something.
*the yeti does not wear houseslippers.
*the yeti must have an inherent ability to sense when babies are sleeping, and is kind enough to offer unusual lullaby services in the forms of stomping, dropping, and chairscooting.
i do appreciate all the yeti's efforts. it has actually made me more comfortable living in an apartment building with a new baby. i'm not as worried about waking up the neighbors. not so much because the neighbors don't seem super concerned about waking up their neighbors, but more because apparently the neighbors don't sleep anyway.
ah, the yeti. makes me (almost) miss last year's upstairs neighbors, Leadfoot and his crazy-antic'ed cat, Leadpaw. almost.
*the yeti enjoys the game rock band. the yeti has an affinity for drumming.
*the yeti has friends who thoroughly enjoy the f-word. and, quite likely, getting drunk.
*the yeti often wears high heels, or has a partner who often wears high heels. typically around 7:30 in the morning. and especially in the uncarpeted kitchen and bathroom areas.
*the yeti has interesting hibernation patterns. dormant for long periods of time, the yeti will then awaken and tear the kitchen cabinets off the walls. or something.
*the yeti does not wear houseslippers.
*the yeti must have an inherent ability to sense when babies are sleeping, and is kind enough to offer unusual lullaby services in the forms of stomping, dropping, and chairscooting.
i do appreciate all the yeti's efforts. it has actually made me more comfortable living in an apartment building with a new baby. i'm not as worried about waking up the neighbors. not so much because the neighbors don't seem super concerned about waking up their neighbors, but more because apparently the neighbors don't sleep anyway.
ah, the yeti. makes me (almost) miss last year's upstairs neighbors, Leadfoot and his crazy-antic'ed cat, Leadpaw. almost.
tales from the precious (moments) side
so paige and i have been reading Bible stories to atticus at night from the precious moment stories from the Bible book her grandparents gave to her as a child. highlights thus far include...
... from the story entitled, "perfume for Jesus (john 12:1-8)"
"no sooner had she done this then judas, one of the guests who loved money, jumped to his feet and shouted, 'mary, how stupid of you! that perfume could have been sold for $48'".
awesome! i love how judas loves money so much, he has it calculated to the very american dollar's worth. nicely done precious moments. the artistic license is hilarious!
... from the story entitled, "a big surprise for a little man (luke 19:1-10)"
"wherever Jesus went there were such large crowds that it was very hard to push through to see Him. and, to make things even worse, zacchaeus was a very little man. he was almost like some of the midgets you may have seen."
awesome! do they mean, "like the midgets whom you may have seen if you've ever been to the circus," or "like the midgets who were just right there, that you probably didn't see, because they are so very tiny!"?
this book rocks!
atticus is going to love perfume and midgets.
that reminds me of a jack handy quote, check it out:
"If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like now."
... from the story entitled, "perfume for Jesus (john 12:1-8)"
"no sooner had she done this then judas, one of the guests who loved money, jumped to his feet and shouted, 'mary, how stupid of you! that perfume could have been sold for $48'".
awesome! i love how judas loves money so much, he has it calculated to the very american dollar's worth. nicely done precious moments. the artistic license is hilarious!
... from the story entitled, "a big surprise for a little man (luke 19:1-10)"
"wherever Jesus went there were such large crowds that it was very hard to push through to see Him. and, to make things even worse, zacchaeus was a very little man. he was almost like some of the midgets you may have seen."
awesome! do they mean, "like the midgets whom you may have seen if you've ever been to the circus," or "like the midgets who were just right there, that you probably didn't see, because they are so very tiny!"?
this book rocks!
atticus is going to love perfume and midgets.
that reminds me of a jack handy quote, check it out:
"If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like now."
fortified with 11 essential vitamins and minerals
paige and i receive fan mail all the time.
check out this satisfied reader:
many props to our friend ted for checking in on us.
check out this satisfied reader:
many props to our friend ted for checking in on us.
random
okay, i have to blog about this. i've been going back and forth about it since last friday, but it's something i've decided i just have to brag about. prepare yourself.
so, fridays are my grocery days, and i usually go through coupons on thursday. i figured out (via the flyer) that yeast at aldi was .79 for three packets. yeast at fareway was .99 for three packets. HOWEVER, i decided to buy it at fareway because i had a couple coupons. when i got there, i found out that for every three packets you buy, you get a fourth one for free in a little strip. my coupons were for "buy one strip, get one free" and "save .65 on one strip." SO, that being said, i ended up getting eight packets of yeast for .34 at fareway, where it would've been .79 for three at aldi.
man, i love a deal.
i know most of you probably find that boring, but that's pretty much the best couponing deal i've ever gotten and i'm feeling pretty proud. (except for that one time i had to buy concealer, and i saved a dollar AND got a free bottle of foundation in the process. that was a pretty good time.) i love the adrenaline rush of saving money on groceries.
other ways we save money around the house:
-our electronics are on surge strips (saved about $20 bucks on our electric bill the first month we did this)
-i make our laundry detergent and cleaning supplies (cheap AND green!)
-meal planning, couponing, grocery shopping with cash, buying/freezing in bulk when there's a really good sale, shopping at a couple different stores, etc.
-only washing laundry in cold water
hmmm...todd, can you think of any more?
i love saving money on stuff we use anyway...it's like a riddle; how to get the same stuff for less.
anyway. that was a random rant. and speaking of random, more tales from fellows elementary!!
**john: are there some colleges with scorpions?
me: maybe, i'm not sure. (i really didn't have any idea what he meant.)
john: if you go to college where there are scorpions, you have to sleep with your shoes ON.
**me: hans! you look all bundled up and warm in your big coat! all i can see is your eyes - i hardly recognized you!
hans: barak obama and john mccain.
**amanda: mrs. van voorst, are you excited for your baby to come?
me: yes! i'm really excited. but i'm a little scared, too.
amanda: yeah, that makes sense. i bet your baby's scared too. i know i was.
(i started laughing, and amanda kind of made a funny face). mrs. van voorst, your belly looks weird when you laugh.
FINALLY, i had a really weird dream last night that we had our baby, but then went on a date, forgetting atticus at home. halfway through the date, todd remembered him and we rushed home, only to find atticus missing. i started freaking out, not because our baby was missing, but because it had been like 5.5 hours since i last fed him and i thought he might be hungry (um, duh). then we found out that my grandma noel had stolen him because we hadn't voted for barak obama. also, our baby was born with a FULL mouth of teeth. gross.
so, fridays are my grocery days, and i usually go through coupons on thursday. i figured out (via the flyer) that yeast at aldi was .79 for three packets. yeast at fareway was .99 for three packets. HOWEVER, i decided to buy it at fareway because i had a couple coupons. when i got there, i found out that for every three packets you buy, you get a fourth one for free in a little strip. my coupons were for "buy one strip, get one free" and "save .65 on one strip." SO, that being said, i ended up getting eight packets of yeast for .34 at fareway, where it would've been .79 for three at aldi.
man, i love a deal.
i know most of you probably find that boring, but that's pretty much the best couponing deal i've ever gotten and i'm feeling pretty proud. (except for that one time i had to buy concealer, and i saved a dollar AND got a free bottle of foundation in the process. that was a pretty good time.) i love the adrenaline rush of saving money on groceries.
other ways we save money around the house:
-our electronics are on surge strips (saved about $20 bucks on our electric bill the first month we did this)
-i make our laundry detergent and cleaning supplies (cheap AND green!)
-meal planning, couponing, grocery shopping with cash, buying/freezing in bulk when there's a really good sale, shopping at a couple different stores, etc.
-only washing laundry in cold water
hmmm...todd, can you think of any more?
i love saving money on stuff we use anyway...it's like a riddle; how to get the same stuff for less.
anyway. that was a random rant. and speaking of random, more tales from fellows elementary!!
**john: are there some colleges with scorpions?
me: maybe, i'm not sure. (i really didn't have any idea what he meant.)
john: if you go to college where there are scorpions, you have to sleep with your shoes ON.
**me: hans! you look all bundled up and warm in your big coat! all i can see is your eyes - i hardly recognized you!
hans: barak obama and john mccain.
**amanda: mrs. van voorst, are you excited for your baby to come?
me: yes! i'm really excited. but i'm a little scared, too.
amanda: yeah, that makes sense. i bet your baby's scared too. i know i was.
(i started laughing, and amanda kind of made a funny face). mrs. van voorst, your belly looks weird when you laugh.
FINALLY, i had a really weird dream last night that we had our baby, but then went on a date, forgetting atticus at home. halfway through the date, todd remembered him and we rushed home, only to find atticus missing. i started freaking out, not because our baby was missing, but because it had been like 5.5 hours since i last fed him and i thought he might be hungry (um, duh). then we found out that my grandma noel had stolen him because we hadn't voted for barak obama. also, our baby was born with a FULL mouth of teeth. gross.
kids say the darndest (and sometimes most racist) things.
so, over the last few days, the kids at school have been particularly funny.
~~
myra: some people can't vote. like people who live in mexico. or in avocado.
~~
ollie: why did batman cross his legs?
kyran: to kill bad guys?
ollie: no. because he had to go to the bathroom. HAHAHAHA
kyran: HAHAHA. you mean, BACKroom?! HAHAHAHA.
(i have no idea why this joke was funny.)
~~
gentry: i wish our new president could see how quiet we are. he'd be really proud.
~~
nikki gave me a dog sticker, then a few minutes later asked, "so. how is life with that sticker going?"
~~
and my absolute favorite:
background: yesterday, the whole school held a mock election and the kids cast ballots in their classroom for their candidates of choice. in sarah's class, her teacher offered kids the opportunity to tell the class why they like their particular candidate and why others should vote for them (optional campaigning, sort of). so we get these little 7 year olds saying stuff like, "i like john mccain because he'll lower taxes" or "obama is going to find energy from the sun and wind and stuff," which is funny enough in itself, since what 2nd grader really truly cares about taxes? but anyway.
then, obviously, we get the "i want obama to win because he would be the first black president." and, not so obviously, we get the "i want john mccain to win because i think only white people should be president."
if you knew the kid, you'd know that this is funny and not actually racist, since i think he was just grabbing at straws for something to say after the last kid went, but his teacher and i were both completely at a loss for what to even say to that... kids are so painfully uncensored sometimes.
then there was nikki...who just said, "i don't care who my mom and dad vote for and i don't care who wins." patriotic. and honest. and i'm a little jealous of her apathy, admittedly.
~~
myra: some people can't vote. like people who live in mexico. or in avocado.
~~
ollie: why did batman cross his legs?
kyran: to kill bad guys?
ollie: no. because he had to go to the bathroom. HAHAHAHA
kyran: HAHAHA. you mean, BACKroom?! HAHAHAHA.
(i have no idea why this joke was funny.)
~~
gentry: i wish our new president could see how quiet we are. he'd be really proud.
~~
nikki gave me a dog sticker, then a few minutes later asked, "so. how is life with that sticker going?"
~~
and my absolute favorite:
background: yesterday, the whole school held a mock election and the kids cast ballots in their classroom for their candidates of choice. in sarah's class, her teacher offered kids the opportunity to tell the class why they like their particular candidate and why others should vote for them (optional campaigning, sort of). so we get these little 7 year olds saying stuff like, "i like john mccain because he'll lower taxes" or "obama is going to find energy from the sun and wind and stuff," which is funny enough in itself, since what 2nd grader really truly cares about taxes? but anyway.
then, obviously, we get the "i want obama to win because he would be the first black president." and, not so obviously, we get the "i want john mccain to win because i think only white people should be president."
if you knew the kid, you'd know that this is funny and not actually racist, since i think he was just grabbing at straws for something to say after the last kid went, but his teacher and i were both completely at a loss for what to even say to that... kids are so painfully uncensored sometimes.
then there was nikki...who just said, "i don't care who my mom and dad vote for and i don't care who wins." patriotic. and honest. and i'm a little jealous of her apathy, admittedly.
the new ben franklin.
i'm not even lying to you when i tell you i witnessed this very conversation between two six-year-olds today.
stephen: caden, why do you like star wars so much?
caden: (shrugs) because it's the new khaki.
stephen: caden, why do you like star wars so much?
caden: (shrugs) because it's the new khaki.
stupid tiny feminists.
so, after school today i headed up to north grand to check out the farmer's market (which was so-so. i was looking for cheap edamame...no such luck). however, when i got there at 2:30, i saw the sign that said it didn't start until 3, so i figured i'd walk around jcpenny for a while to kill time.
i looked around a bit for the maternity section, just to see what they had. i walked past it a couple times before i realized that a four-racks-and-a-wall-display section was the maternity section. the only way i figured this out was by eyeballing all the petites clothing (cute tiny cable-knit sweaters and whatnot for cute tiny ladies) and accidentally stumbling on the next rack over...the paisley polyester potato sacks they like to call "maternity wear."
seriously. i think the jcpenny layout designer and maternity fashion director must both be fascist, baby-hating, tiny feminists who want to make preggers ladies feel bad for reproducing. "hey, i have a good idea. let's put maternity right next to petites to highlight how tiny the ladies are who actually shop in petites, especially compared to the big, swollen, water-retaining baby incubators. eww, pregnant people are gross."
then, to make it easier to spot us from long distances, they incorporated hideous, brightly printed tops made of fabric sure to make us sweat (for easier smell detection). that way, anyone who may not have otherwise known we were pregnant can spot us coming and cross to the other side of the street before we infect them with our fertility.
i hate jcpenny. it's too bad they have sales all the time, otherwise i'd boycott.
i looked around a bit for the maternity section, just to see what they had. i walked past it a couple times before i realized that a four-racks-and-a-wall-display section was the maternity section. the only way i figured this out was by eyeballing all the petites clothing (cute tiny cable-knit sweaters and whatnot for cute tiny ladies) and accidentally stumbling on the next rack over...the paisley polyester potato sacks they like to call "maternity wear."
seriously. i think the jcpenny layout designer and maternity fashion director must both be fascist, baby-hating, tiny feminists who want to make preggers ladies feel bad for reproducing. "hey, i have a good idea. let's put maternity right next to petites to highlight how tiny the ladies are who actually shop in petites, especially compared to the big, swollen, water-retaining baby incubators. eww, pregnant people are gross."
then, to make it easier to spot us from long distances, they incorporated hideous, brightly printed tops made of fabric sure to make us sweat (for easier smell detection). that way, anyone who may not have otherwise known we were pregnant can spot us coming and cross to the other side of the street before we infect them with our fertility.
i hate jcpenny. it's too bad they have sales all the time, otherwise i'd boycott.
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