sugarbabies and selfies and science.

hey guys! look what i got in the mail unexpectedly!

i'm assuming one of two things had to have happened for this to show up in my mailbox: 1) someone in the subscriptions department made a mistake (and i couldn't really blame them, because they're probably like twelve), or 2) an anonymous fan sent this to me because they think i look superyoung.  i like to believe the second one, although when it comes time to buy wine, i'll probably hide this little youthcessory at home.  i think getting a subscription to seventeen cancels out possessing a valid ID when it comes to legally purchasing alcohol.  and maybe even tickets to a PG-13 movie.

anyway, i confess that i read it.  how could i not, with such contradicting articles right next to each other directly on the cover?  (how one girl overcame an eating disorder and tendencies toward self harm, right next to 'get an insane body: it's hard, but you'll look hot!')  yeah, i'll get to that in a second.

but really, what grabbed my attention was this little gem at the top:

yep.  wanna learn to take the perfect selfie?  need more likes?  YOU BET I DO.  so i dove right in.  i'll tell you more about that later this week.

but in addition to selfie-help, this excellent issue of seventeen enlightened me on the following topics:

*"keep calm and ____" posters are so over. (i'm actually with them on this one.)

*pleather overalls shorties are a thing, and they're a thing people are actually putting on their bodies and calling clothes.  also, what are pleather overalls shorties without a matching cap?

anyone else notice that 'cool' and 'shiny shorts' are on the same page?

* how to draw on my fingernails with a sharpie and call it 'flirty!' and 'art!'

* possible reasons why my boyfriend keeps texting me naked photos of himself.  (it's probably just because everyone else is doing it and he's wanting validation.)

*how to pay for college by getting paid hundreds of dollars per date to go out with much older men.  they even give out the websites to use and show you how to set up a profile and how much to charge (per date or per month, your choice!).  you even get to decide for yourself how far, physically, you want to go with these old guys!  talk about being an independent adult.  although, they do issue the 'warning' that, "not every guy out there just wants to help you pay your bills.  there are a lot of predators on these sites."  (um, you mean that nice old stranger on the internet isn't just looking for a hardworking, innocent college student to be charitable toward?  i just don't believe it.)  so there you have it, ladies: how to 'sugar' your way through school.  yeah, that's what it's called.

so, while that was by far the most sickening thing i read in there, i will back up and point out the following:  the same centerfold insert that encouraged calling a 'truce' with your body (the 'body peace project') and striving for health rather than just a certain 'look,' also included this spread:

all jokes aside, this crap makes me feel nauseous.  what the heck is wrong with us?!

whatever.  in the trash it goes.  i do really wonder, though, how i started getting it in the first place.  also, i really wonder how my very first selfies are going to turn out this week once i use their handy dandy tips?  (SPOILER ALERT - i'll be taking selfies this week.  in the name of science.  you can thank science for the results.)


Heather said...

what the WHAT?!

thanks a lot, world. because raising daughters wasn't hard enough with simple peer pressure and good old hormones.

Jessica said...

So, Seventeen is endorsing college students/high school seniors to become escorts...and by escorts, I mean, prostitutes? This nice older man pays your bills and you get to choose how you "thank" him.

Interestingly enough, my code includes 666. Yes, I believe that the above comment is a mark of the beast.

todd said...

Always illegal, Joe.

Our life in pictures said...

This actually makes me nauseous (is that how you spell it???)well nauseated! This is a messed up world in SO many ways! I'm glad we have God to lead us in our home! I could never do this alone!