celebreality monday.

i am a pregnant wreck.

first off, i'm a big old fatty.  i am on my third pregnancy and have never before had to buy larger underwear just to accommodate my expanding rear end.  this time, i have not been so lucky.  on saturday night, todd and i went on a special date to go out to eat and to also buy giant preggo undies. romantic.  (and also to pick up some of those giant maxi pads that i will only ever wear postpartum or post-collapse-of-my-pelvic-floor-at-the-age-of-65.)

upon leaving the target parking lot, i opened one of the packages to see what the undies looked like and they were huuuuuuuuuuge.  todd got all grouchy because we bought three packages of undies that were obviously way too big, one of which we couldn't return because i had opened it.  i got all grouchy because i was pretty sure they were going to fit.  we got home and todd had a very brief moment when his grouchiness lifted because we didn't need to take them back.  then, i suspect some grouchiness settled back in because he realized his wife was a big old heifer in underwear made from approximately the same amount of fabric as an american flag.  (i can merely speculate on this, since he was a perfect gentleman and acted all not-grouchy and said he was just happy i was comfortable.)

then, to put the cherry on the big old fatty crazy train cake, i started bawling this morning because even my maternity clothes are too small.  that's right.  the clothes that i bought during previous pregnancies to accommodate my this-is-the-hugest-i-get body are basically crop tops with a nasty pokey-out belly button peeking out from underneath.

also, i was bawling because standing up in the paint chip aisle at lowe's the other day stretched me to the max. capac. of my physical limits.  how the heck am i supposed to BIRTH A BABY if i can't even decide between 'inflamed lesion' and 'arson' (or whatever crazy-named paint i was looking at) without having to sit down to catch my breath and regroup?  are. you. kidding. me.

also, then i started bawling because i broke todd's mirror which was probably more because i knocked it in the sink than because my preggerface has the power to bust glass but maybe not.  and also i was bawling because i missed the kids.  and also i was bawling because i don't even know why.

so what i'm really hoping for at this point is for the next 32 days to go by REALLY quickly and also that it won't take the full 32 days and also that i can birth this baby insanely quickly and painlessly, like ricky bobby's mom did in the car and when the dad hit the brakes the baby just flew out and splatted against the window.  and also that my baby turns out nothing like ricky bobby.

shake and bake.


waiting said...

You are so stinkin' cute and not chubby at all! It will allllll be okayyy! Hang in there:)

waiting said...