'member that time monday.

hey, 'member 'member that time monday?  bringing it back old school today.

hey, 'member that time in college that i decided to get a lip stud, but how the gemstone on it got lodged under my skin when i bit it weird while eating mac and cheese?  and remember how my new roommates' friends, who were total strangers to me, had to drive me to the piercing place and hold my hands while i had it extracted and i bawled like a girl baby?  and remember how the guy had to replace the stud with a giant surgical steel ring because my lip was so swollen?

i looked goood and made an awesome first impression on my roommates' friends.



feel free to post your own 'member that time!  just please link back to http://teamvanvoorst.blogspot.com if you do!

'member that time?

what is it about fall that makes me reminisce about high school vandalism?

'member that time a bunch of my friends tried to TP my house, but the only tree in our yard worth TPing is a pine tree, and the toilet paper rolls would go up into the tree when they threw them, but wouldn't come back down?  so 'member how every time it got windy after that, whole rolls of toilet paper would come sailing out of our tree and re-TP our yard? 

and 'member how we ignorantly pulled in the driveway when they were only mid-destruction, so they took off running, leaving behind a still-sealed four-pack of charmin?

i felt like the luckiest girl in the world that night because A) anyone who's anyone gets TP'd during homecoming, B) i have the kind of friends who would vandalize my house with the expensive toilet paper, and C) i got some freebie, lint-free toilet paper out of the deal.  

'member that time?

'member that time i failed at vandalism?

so then 'member how, for hours upon hours after my sad experience, i sat with a bunch of girlfriends stringing together a yards-long chain of rubber bands?  and 'member how we returned to adam's house at four in the morning and stretched that sucker all the way around his yard so the only way to clean it up was to cut it and watch it fly?

second time was a charm.  i dubbed us the 'rubber bandits,' adam's dad was pissed, and i can only hope that the giant rubber band somehow got stinging vengeance on the Lame Neighbor.  street cred REINSTATED.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time in high school when i tried to TP my bff adam's yard?  but i'm sure you remember how i'm hardly known for my iron core biceps and so i was having kind of a hard time getting the toilet paper all the way up in the tree... so after like fifteen minutes he came out and helped me.

then 'member how, as i was driving away, his lame neighbor was already in the yard picking up all the fruits of my labor?


not a brag-worthy attempt at vandalism.  next week i'll tell you how i tried to redeem the night... and my street cred.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time in second grade i watched the berenstein bears valentine's day movie and learned that S.W.A.K. means 'sealed with a kiss'?  so 'member how i wrote a love note to the boy sitting behind me and wrote S.W.A.K. on the outside and threw it under his desk?  but 'member how he didn't notice it was there, so i was all, hey there's something under your desk, and he was all, who is swaaack?

then 'member how i was all, how dumb are you? s.w.a.k. stands for 'sealed with a kiss,' duh.  also, don't talk to me you have cooties.

he never figured out it was from me, but i'm not sure what i was trying to accomplish with this whole episode.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time i found a permanent marker crammed down in the bus seat and my bff jenny and i thought it would be a great idea to color on the back of the seat in front of us? and how, after careful deliberation, we decided that the most worthwhile, most permanent sentiment we could write in indelible pen was, 'i love nate thompson and i hate wes thomsen'?

it was like the second grade equivalent of getting inked while drunk, and i learned just how fickle affections can be.  wes eventually moved to the christian school and my red-hot hatred turned more to apathy, whereas nate developed a bad case of football helmet-aggravated acne, as well as an ego that compelled him to refer to himself as natedogg, and i was left with a sinking stomach knowing that someone, somewhere thought i loved him. 

so this 'member that time monday has a moral, kiddies: permanent markers are only for married people. 

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time...more recently than i'd like to admit...that i ate a lunch consisting of spicy beef jerky, unpasteurized pepper cheese, pickled jalapenos, and pepsi, and how it was absolutely delicious?  but then, 'member how i got incredibly sick and was all like, why am i sick?  then 'member how i put two and two together and realized that my stomach is a) no longer the stomach of a 19-year-old  and b) is not designed to process molten lava?

just thinking about it i feel mostly sick but also a little hungry for beef jerky.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time todd and i honeymooned in jamaica and how it was new year's even and we got all schmancied up and went out to a nice restaurant for dinner and how instead of watching the fireworks outside we holed up in our room and...you know...

watched an E!news special on the declining britney spears?

turns out train wrecks are still train wrecks in the caribbean.  mon.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time a friend's dad asked what we needed as a wedding gift, because he really only likes to get gifts that people can find really useful?  and 'member how i was all, you know plates or sheets or forks or blankets?  and then 'member how he got me a willow tree angel and a bocce ball set?

AND THEN 'member how he came back after the wedding and said the bocce ball set was not actually for us and could he have it back please?

the willow tree angel has done about as well as could be expected at keeping us warm at night.  i give it 4 stars in the gifts review category of 'practical and/or everyday.'

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time my mom took me to disneyland and we watched the parade and how awesome it was? but then, 'member how when the parade was over there was this huge exodus of people and i was all of a sudden all alone and had no idea where my mom was? and 'member how i was terrified but the only thing that kept going through my head was how i was probably going to have to be adopted by cinderella?


then my mom found me and i never got to experience living with cinderella and inevitably having my hair braided by a fully-clothed mouse.  but i guess life turned out okay for me anyway.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time in college when a brazen squirrel actually took a whole bagel from my hand and ran up a tree with it?  and also, 'member how it had human-sized nipples?


maybe it was nursing little squirrel babies and needed the bagel for sustenance.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time i liked to think of myself as a bleeding-heart naturalist and how i found one of those japanese beetle-things in my bedroom?  and 'member how i couldn't bring myself to kill it, even though i could admit those things are super disgusting so i also couldn't bring myself to co-habitate with it?  so 'member how i got this great idea to set it free into the wild and i opened my window and set it out on the roof...only for it to take exactly 1.5 steps and then freeze solid because i had not thought through the fact that bugs don't like to be outside in the middle of january?

that is why i am no longer a bleeding-heart naturalist, and also i'm not one because spiders are gross and meat is good.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time when i was little and my mom told me that the actor who played peewee herman got arrested?  and 'member how i was all shocked but she told me that he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time?  and 'member how i found out later that...well, that he was actually arrested for being kind of a perv?

here's to remembering a simpler time:

 

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time when todd asked me out and i would have really enjoyed the weekend except that i had the flu and had diarrhea the whole time?  and 'member how i didn't want him to know i had massive diarrhea, so i made him stand in the hallway outside my dorm room basically all weekend so he couldn't hear anything? and 'member how he took me to a movie, but i missed like all of it because i was, well, diarrhea-ing?

i'm a lucky, lucky girl to have found a guy who would only assume the best about me (which was that i was merely puking.  not sure to what he chalked up the smell.)  and he's a lucky, lucky guy to have found a girl so open and honest and transparent that she would not only correct him of this mistake, but also post this story on the internet (for clarification, of course).


i really have no shame.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time we moved into a new house and tried to get internet installed, and when we called they said they'd be there tomorrow between 8:00 and noon?  and 'member how they never showed, but assured us they'd be coming? then 'member how a week later, when no one ever came, todd called them and they were all like, you should find a different internet provider?

so then, 'member how we did find another internet provider but he was all like, i'll either be there tomorrow or in two weeks, and he didn't show up 'tomorrow'?  so then 'member how we had to wait and wait and wait and die a slow death with no internet and have to write blog posts in the parking lot of mcdonalds and never answer emails and basically starve for human interaction because this is what society has become - totally dependent on the internet?

i remember that like it was only yesterday.  or this very second.


(this is my long, socially quirky way of saying, if i owe you an email, please be patient.  if you're really upset about my absence, call the internet place and tell them where to stick it.  please.)

'member that time? *special 'rabies week' edition!

hey, 'member that time my mom took my sister and me on a walk at the local college, and how there was this random tame squirrel just running around over there? and 'member how he was like a dog and wanted to be petted?  and 'member how i was all, 'i don't care if it has rabies i'm petting this squirrel if it's the last thing i do'?


it wasn't.  the last thing i did, i mean.  i've done some stuff since then.  none of it seems as important, though, now that i've pet a squirrel.





our official theme this week here at the minivan voorsts is 'stuff that could have eaten me alive and/or given me rabies.'  otherwise known as 'rabies week.'  it's going to be a thrill ride.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time todd and i first spent a weekend together, and he took me to ledges state park...and then 'member how some jaded bird thought it would be fun to crap on my head and spoil the romance?  but then 'member how todd let me wipe it on his pants, and i knew he was good husband material?


screw you, bird.  van voorsts win.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time i went to a russian ballet performance of cinderella, and there were all these little girls there in princess dresses and i thought it was super cute? but then 'member how one of these said little girls sat behind me and was all like, mommy i'm hungry, mommy i'm bored, mommy i'm sweaty, and how her mommy was all like, if you're so sweaty, take your tights off?  then 'member how that sweaty, tights-less little girl spent the rest of the night sitting on her mommy's lap and playing with my hair with her toes?


i have no punchline for this.  it was disgusting.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time when i was six that i put together a time capsule, only it was really just a backpack with a piece of paper inside that said, 'i want to be a cheerleader when i grow up'?


too bad i lost that backpack; my life could be looking very different right now.

'member that time?

hey, 'member that time that my mom told me a red spot showed up on my head whenever i lied?  and 'member how one day i decided to try my luck and lifted up my bangs anyway even though i was lying about putting all the hair bows under the couch?  and 'member how, after that worked and i didn't get in trouble, i became an unstoppable liar?


i bet my mom thought that was really funny.





do your thing.