First of all, we can make things harder on ourselves by actively doing things to shoot ourselves in the foot, like talking negatively about our kids or our circumstances. Granted, I'm no proponent of being fake (which should be apparent if you've read the blog for any length of time), but I also am concerned with how readily many parents will air their kids' annoying quirks, habits or sin struggles as though they are somehow a victim of having to deal with their kids' behaviors.
I have a whole blog post stewing in my head about this, but for now I'll leave it at this: you may have to choose to stop allowing a victim mindset to steal joy (and ease) from your parenting.
Second of all, we can make things harder on ourselves by avoiding or forgetting about a few simple things we can give our kids that make it easier for our sinful hearts to love them.
1. Give them a bath.
Clean kids are easier to love, it's scientific fact. No one wants to get snuggly with a kid with a crusted-over nose, or a poopy diaper. If you're finding yourself wanting a little space from your kid, ask yourself if they could be cleaner. Could their hair stand to be brushed (or cut better)? Could their popsicle-stained shirt stand to get thrown away and replaced? Could their teeth stand a good brushing? A clean, relatively well-kempt kid is so much easier to love. Do them a favor and give them a bath.
2. Give them a hug.
Some kids act like turds when they need a hug. Frequently, the last thing on the radar is to try snuggling with a prickly little porcupine, but sometimes they're least huggable when they're most in need of a hug. If you're finding yourself wanting a bit of distance from a wily kid, ask yourself when the last time was that you got down on their level, looked in their face, and gave them a hug. You could save yourself so many discipline issues by just hugging them more.
3. Give them a spank.*
Not as a cure-all across the board, obviously. Be discerning and compassionate. But I find that I get most exasperated with my kids when I haven't been diligent or consistent enough in disciplining them. I think I'm doing them a favor by overlooking their sin issues, or saving myself the headache of having to train them yet again, but those little things become more frequent and more glaring the longer they go unchecked. It is no favor to anyone to ignore things that should be addressed.
4. Give them a nap.
An exhausted kid is an exasperating kid. In fact, my main parenting goal up through age six is to provide them as much opportunity for playtime and sleep as possible. Playing and sleeping are a kid's main jobs when they're that little. They can be trusted to play as much as they need to if given free rein in their own lives, but providing ample opportunities to sleep is a parent's job to navigate. If a kid is being super annoying or losing his mind, he might need a nap. Even if he's 'too old.' Even if he 'won't sleep.' Stick him in his bed anyway - the rest and the quiet are good for him, even if he doesn't fall asleep.
There you go. Four things we as parents can be doing more to make our jobs easier. It is not on our kids to be less frustrating, it is on us to set them up for success.
*Encouraging spanking is controversial. I know this. If you recoil at the word 'spank,' you are likely not calling to mind an interaction like the one I'm referring to. Just to be clear: I am not condoning or promoting thoughtless bullying on the part of parents that flies under the banner of 'spanking.' That's lazy parenting, and it's wicked, and it has no place in a God-fearing, Christ-honoring household. For further clarification on what I mean, please watch this video in which I detail what discipline looks like at our house and why we discipline this way, or pick up the following books:
6 comments :
such good counsel.
I most identify with numbers 2 and 3. On number three, I was listening to a Revive Our Hearts podcast on which a couple with a lot of children :-) were speaking on anger. The wife counseled that if you find yourself regularly angry with your children, the most likely scenario is that you need to spank them. She was speaking to how we let situations get out of hand and then the parents get exasperated by continually repeating themselves and ultimately become out-of-control angry. I have found this is almost always the case with my anger. One way that I can keep my anger in check and under control is if I can beat it to the punch by disciplining my children as soon as I can identify that they have disobeyed willingly.
i am forever indebted to your wisdom.
There is so much wisdom in this! I needed to hear it. I have been struggling to keep the anger in check lately, but you're right - it's likely an indicator that I haven't been proactive enough in addressing the issues that are provoking my anger! Thanks for sharing!
Love you, lady!
Todd, thank you! I love parenting with you!
Post a Comment