how i spent last week.

i've missed you guys!  i feel like a lot of life has passed since the last time i checked in here... like, how long my toenail has gotten.  i've spent the entirety of the past week trying to decide what my next move should be regarding said toenail.

i realize i could just cut it, sure.  but that would involve rousing myself from a comfy position on the couch to fetch the clippers, so that option is obviously out.  i could just pick at it until it disintegrates into a shorter toenail, like i usually do, but the thing is that my fingernails have also grown a lot over the last week.  it's taken me a long time to get them to this point after a nail-biting stint a couple of weeks ago, and i can't risk damaging my fingernails by picking incessantly at my toenail.  logic:  it just makes sense.

so you see what a pickle i'm in.  but i think i've settled on a third option: just letting it grow and grow and grow until that one toenail - it's the middle one, by the way, so i'm not risking any level of phalangial asymmetry by letting it do its thang - until that one toenail turns into a witch's claw and i become the butt of neighborhood children's lore.  they'll tell stories around the campfire about an old lady who stalks the block at night, wearing a bathrobe and smelling like a person who sits on the couch a lot, looking for children's milk mustaches to clean off with her be-spittled thumb.  you must have deft ears to avoid her, for the only sound she makes as she comes up behind you is the 'scratch-click' her singular long toenail makes on the pavement as she walks... oooOOOOOOOooooohhh.

that actually sounds like a decent plan to me.  so it's decided.

1 comment :

todd said...

i think every neighborhood has a toenail lady