hey, 'member that time in first grade when horrible mean abby fell down the stairs and i laughed and laughed and laughed? then 'member how i found out she had epilepsy and could have been seriously injured, but deep inside i still found it just as funny?
turns out abby and i were kind of the same person, only i was less clumsy.
thwr: pity party
paige: want to know what this is? it's the world's tiniest mime playing the world's tiniest violin.
and that's how we roll.
and that's how we roll.
animal lovers and christian radio enthusiasts, avert your eyes.
our local christian radio station has these commercials that seem like they're supposed to be uplifting, or supposed to touch your fluffy christian heart, or something, but most of the time i'm just annoyed by them. and a while ago, i heard one that really caught my attention. considering i was driving, i didn't transcribe it word for word, but here's the basic jist:
those puppy dog eyes stare into yours as you come in the door from a long day at work. yes, you've had a hard day but all he knows is that no one throws a tennis ball quite. like. you.
now, maybe this is supposed to tug at my heart strings, i don't know. and while i'm not necessarily an 'animal person,' it's highly unlikely that i'll ever burn down the humane society. my feelings toward pets are relatively neutral.
but deep down in my christian heart of hearts, when i heard this commercial all i could think was, "screw you, dog. i'm tired and it's cold out. now get me my slippers."
is this an indicator of sociopathy?
those puppy dog eyes stare into yours as you come in the door from a long day at work. yes, you've had a hard day but all he knows is that no one throws a tennis ball quite. like. you.
now, maybe this is supposed to tug at my heart strings, i don't know. and while i'm not necessarily an 'animal person,' it's highly unlikely that i'll ever burn down the humane society. my feelings toward pets are relatively neutral.
but deep down in my christian heart of hearts, when i heard this commercial all i could think was, "screw you, dog. i'm tired and it's cold out. now get me my slippers."
is this an indicator of sociopathy?
jack pot
i just realized the other day that penelope kind of looks like an alien. not in a mean way, but you know what i mean - most aliens in the movies have disproportionately large heads and eyes, with small mouths and long skinny bodies. and no hair. so basically, a giant green baby from another planet. i admit, the concept is pretty freaky.
not to mention the fact that the especially startling scenes from 'signs' would be even scarier if a real baby was cast to do them. like a baby coming out of the corn? talk about having a heart attack. or a baby walking around on the roof? hello, that's really scary. if only for safety reasons.
but then i got to thinking - if i had kids when they were doing the casting for 'signs,' i totally would've been that mom and tried to get my kid hired. because seriously -i'd ahem, she'd make a ton of money, be famous, and get to meet a member of the culkin family all during a single film. which is awesome, because my bucket list looks like this:
living vicariously through penelope, i could easily take care of a good majority of the things i want to do before i die, with the single exception of learning how to double-dutch, which sounds do-able once i can be single-minded about it.
also, once she grows up and looks a little, but only a little, less like an alien, i could pass her off as a long-lost olsen girl and ride a second wave of fame and moolah. and also knock out my last remaining to-do:
do you have a bucket list?
not to mention the fact that the especially startling scenes from 'signs' would be even scarier if a real baby was cast to do them. like a baby coming out of the corn? talk about having a heart attack. or a baby walking around on the roof? hello, that's really scary. if only for safety reasons.
but then i got to thinking - if i had kids when they were doing the casting for 'signs,' i totally would've been that mom and tried to get my kid hired. because seriously -
living vicariously through penelope, i could easily take care of a good majority of the things i want to do before i die, with the single exception of learning how to double-dutch, which sounds do-able once i can be single-minded about it.
also, once she grows up and looks a little, but only a little, less like an alien, i could pass her off as a long-lost olsen girl and ride a second wave of fame and moolah. and also knock out my last remaining to-do:
do you have a bucket list?
what a girlie girl.
penelope is already a girly girl - kind of emotional. this video is from quite a while ago (probably 4-5 months ago), but i think it's super funny.
'member that time?
hey, 'member that time i was in austria and i was riding a bike to the pool when i fell off and got this huge, bloody gash in my arm? and 'member how i pretended to be all cool and american in front of my austrian friend, and like it didn't hurt or whatever, but it actually killed and i swore my bone was all splintered and i figured i should probably pass out to stop the pain?
then 'member how we finally got to the pool and some lady tried to talk to me about my arm (presumably to tell me it was unsanitary for me to get in the pool like that) but all it sounded like was, garbeldy garbeldy guten tag, so i was just like, i'm an american and i don't understand a word you're saying? and 'member how i couldn't even find the door to the pool so i had to go down the water slide into the kiddie pool just to figure out how to get into the building?
it's a good thing the women were all topless and the men were all in speedos, otherwise i bet people would've been staring at me.
also, it's a good thing i don't have AIDS or hepatitis or halitosis or something, because those would be unfortunate things for me to spread around the kiddie pool.
then 'member how we finally got to the pool and some lady tried to talk to me about my arm (presumably to tell me it was unsanitary for me to get in the pool like that) but all it sounded like was, garbeldy garbeldy guten tag, so i was just like, i'm an american and i don't understand a word you're saying? and 'member how i couldn't even find the door to the pool so i had to go down the water slide into the kiddie pool just to figure out how to get into the building?
it's a good thing the women were all topless and the men were all in speedos, otherwise i bet people would've been staring at me.
also, it's a good thing i don't have AIDS or hepatitis or halitosis or something, because those would be unfortunate things for me to spread around the kiddie pool.
i HAVE to get some of these. like 17 of them.
just the other night, i was all like, am i going to go out in public or am i going to go to bed? and even if i do go out in public, i'm sick and want to be comfortable. but i still want to be cute-sick.
i was at a complete loss because i couldn't get dressed until i knew what my night held.
and then. and then.
i thought jeggings had stolen my heart, but pajama jeans??!?!?! holy. crap. i need 17 pairs. with their butt-lifting design and real brass rivets, i could wear them to clubs, church, coffeehouses, corporate naptimes. and didn't you see?! great for 'busy moms on the go.' THAT'S ME.
no one would know i was actually wearing pajamas - PAJAMAS! i would be all, FOOLED YOU SUCKAS. and i would also be all like, doesn't my butt look great AND comfortable?!?
if you took the best part of every good dream i've ever had, and mixed all those parts together into a single awesome dream, it still wouldn't be as good as these pants.
i was at a complete loss because i couldn't get dressed until i knew what my night held.
and then. and then.
i thought jeggings had stolen my heart, but pajama jeans??!?!?! holy. crap. i need 17 pairs. with their butt-lifting design and real brass rivets, i could wear them to clubs, church, coffeehouses, corporate naptimes. and didn't you see?! great for 'busy moms on the go.' THAT'S ME.
no one would know i was actually wearing pajamas - PAJAMAS! i would be all, FOOLED YOU SUCKAS. and i would also be all like, doesn't my butt look great AND comfortable?!?
if you took the best part of every good dream i've ever had, and mixed all those parts together into a single awesome dream, it still wouldn't be as good as these pants.
day in the life: laundry room...PLUS
here's our laundry room. and this video kind of took a turn for the long to incorporate my favorite things: cleaning edition.
and if you watch all the way to the end, you'll get the special bonus of hearing me attempt to talk my english good. i just got speech'd.
still trying to decide if this will be our last insider video for a while (or at least until we have a new house to expose you to). it probably will be, considering the only parts of our house that haven't yet made their film debut are: 1. the insides of our closets, 2. our master bedroom (which is basically another giant, messy closet with a bed in it), and 3. the inside of our kitchen cupboards (again, closet-like). oh yes, and our garage, which i know you're dying to see but it's like negative 100 outside and you're not actually dying to see it.
so there you have it. next time we invite you over, you can politely decline because you've seen all there is to see of our house and honestly i'm not funny in real life or a very good cook.
and if you watch all the way to the end, you'll get the special bonus of hearing me attempt to talk my english good. i just got speech'd.
still trying to decide if this will be our last insider video for a while (or at least until we have a new house to expose you to). it probably will be, considering the only parts of our house that haven't yet made their film debut are: 1. the insides of our closets, 2. our master bedroom (which is basically another giant, messy closet with a bed in it), and 3. the inside of our kitchen cupboards (again, closet-like). oh yes, and our garage, which i know you're dying to see but it's like negative 100 outside and you're not actually dying to see it.
so there you have it. next time we invite you over, you can politely decline because you've seen all there is to see of our house and honestly i'm not funny in real life or a very good cook.
our current enemy: the wet cough
the v.v.'s have been taken down by The Crud. actually, it seems to have skipped over todd...or the kids and i are just now catching it from that time in november when todd had it. hopefully it hasn't been incubating in our house that long, but who knows?
in addition to the hated wet cough, we've got fevers, nausea, weakness, fatigue...we're basically barely-living illustrations of cymbalta side effects.
and all this is complicated by the fact that penelope is now mobile. she is not quick, but she is definitely mobile. so while all i can do is lay on the couch and groan about how i'm about ready to cross over, penelope is getting herself stuck under the couch or getting stranded on the linoleum, which is not so inchworm friendly. in addition, atticus has discovered the joy of toppling her while she's sitting, so she's spent quite a bit of time lately being offended at all that life has to offer her.
atticus has been running a fever, although he's been acting mostly fine during waking hours. naps and nighttime are an entirely different story - every hour or so he wakes up SHRIEKING, probably from the fever or the fact that he can't breathe through his nose, and he can't suck on his paci while breathing through his mouth. so two nights in a row we've had to get him up in the middle of the night for a cool bath and to sleep in our bed, which has been interesting to say the least. the first night, he was so confused that he wouldn't sleep, so after a half an hour of him playing with my hair and kicking me in the back, he was back in his own bed. the second night went a little better, with him merely encroaching on about 95% of my personal sleeping space and getting the sheets all hot. but then at 4:30a he woke up and was understandably confused, so when he started playing with my nostrils, it was again time for the kaibosh on the whole thing and he again ended up in his own bed. last night went much better, and he slept soundly in his own bed all night.
needless to say, i'm not exactly sure when the last time was that i showered, or cleaned my bathroom, and i DO know exactly what season of friends is on syndication on multiple channels right now. because i'm an unhygienic lump of a person. with a wet cough. who has lived on coffee heath bar crunch ice cream and green tea for the last 5 days straight. wow, being sick really brings out the best in me.
actually, todd did say that he wishes i was sick more often because we ate mcdonalds two nights in a row. but then we ate chili two nights in a row after that and i think he may have started to rethink that wish.
in addition to the hated wet cough, we've got fevers, nausea, weakness, fatigue...we're basically barely-living illustrations of cymbalta side effects.
and all this is complicated by the fact that penelope is now mobile. she is not quick, but she is definitely mobile. so while all i can do is lay on the couch and groan about how i'm about ready to cross over, penelope is getting herself stuck under the couch or getting stranded on the linoleum, which is not so inchworm friendly. in addition, atticus has discovered the joy of toppling her while she's sitting, so she's spent quite a bit of time lately being offended at all that life has to offer her.
atticus has been running a fever, although he's been acting mostly fine during waking hours. naps and nighttime are an entirely different story - every hour or so he wakes up SHRIEKING, probably from the fever or the fact that he can't breathe through his nose, and he can't suck on his paci while breathing through his mouth. so two nights in a row we've had to get him up in the middle of the night for a cool bath and to sleep in our bed, which has been interesting to say the least. the first night, he was so confused that he wouldn't sleep, so after a half an hour of him playing with my hair and kicking me in the back, he was back in his own bed. the second night went a little better, with him merely encroaching on about 95% of my personal sleeping space and getting the sheets all hot. but then at 4:30a he woke up and was understandably confused, so when he started playing with my nostrils, it was again time for the kaibosh on the whole thing and he again ended up in his own bed. last night went much better, and he slept soundly in his own bed all night.
needless to say, i'm not exactly sure when the last time was that i showered, or cleaned my bathroom, and i DO know exactly what season of friends is on syndication on multiple channels right now. because i'm an unhygienic lump of a person. with a wet cough. who has lived on coffee heath bar crunch ice cream and green tea for the last 5 days straight. wow, being sick really brings out the best in me.
actually, todd did say that he wishes i was sick more often because we ate mcdonalds two nights in a row. but then we ate chili two nights in a row after that and i think he may have started to rethink that wish.
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