rant much?

i saw this funny little video the other day that someone had posted on their facebook wall.  it reiterated a lot of the sentiment i've seen floating around blogs and facebook for a while.  basically, it's about these two guys who go away on a golf trip and leave their wives in charge of their respective businesses for a couple of days.  naturally, the women are totally bamboozled.  one looks at the computer in total fear.  i'm guessing she never took typing classes in middle school.   and the other lady just breaks down in tears because her husband is like an accountant or something and she doesn't even know what numbers are or something, so she's completely incapable of doing his job.  both ladies are clearly morons.

lucky for them, their husbands left them 'work brains,' these crazy hat-things that the women can put on that make them think exactly like a workin' man.  the scared-to-type one is clearly doing some kind of binary or something at this point, and the can't-even-count one is working a fancy calculator so fast her fingers are smoking and the printer next to her catches on fire.  thank god for the 'work brains.'  so then one of the wives actually called her husband while he was taking a steam at the club and was all, 'you have the.hardest.job in the whole wide world, bar none!  i have a whole new perspective on my sorry excuse for 'contribution' to this family.  you're so much better at this than i am, and i'm such an idiot, and i'm so glad i have you to add stuff up for me because i would just outright die if i had to rely on my own peabrain!'


that movie's not real.

the real one is about mom goggles and the dumb-as-a-doornail dads who can't control their sugared-up, climbing-the-curtains kids for two days while the moms spa it up.

so, here's where i get a little real with you folks:  it bums me out to see all these women on the internet demanding empathy and respect and admiration for their superhuman selflessness.  i'm obviously not bashing the whole stay-at-home mom gig.  i love that gig.  i 100% endorse that gig.

but we are not owed anything.  that's what selflessness means: doing something worth doing, purely for the sake of someone else and not ourselves.  is it okay if people don't understand 'what i do all day,' and that i do, indeed, work hard?  is it okay if i'm not fully appreciated, and my work may not seem all that important or necessary to other people?  is it even okay if i'm condescended for doing what i do?  it sucks sometimes, but the answer can be - should be - 'yes.'  god sees me, and i know i'm serving his purposes where i am.  it may not come with CEO-level adoration from the masses.  but that's okay.  i don't have anything to prove, and i'm not a CEO for a reason.

the question really is, 'can i accept being respectable even if i'm not respected?  is that good enough for me?'  whining and complaining and asserting why we're the awesomest at keeping the human race in existence without the help of those freaking unappreciative idiots we call husbands is counterproductive.  that's not respectable.  if you want respect, let someone else demand it on your behalf.  let your husband and kids tell people how awesome you are, instead of allowing yourself to strap on a sandwich board and scream about why your kids or sister-in-law or husband or mom don't appreciate you enough.

(sidenote: also, maybe you should spend more time mothering than airing all your grievances on the internet.)

secondly, is the respectability of motherhood based on the fact that we work hard?  that our vocation, when compared to careers and the job market, trumps because it's hard?  i'm sorry, but there are a lot of people out there who work a crap ton harder than i do.  who get less sleep and less time to themselves and less respect for it.  i would assert it's not even the same thing, and that's totally okay.  it's not a career.  it's a calling.  motherhood is fun.  it's sometimes super easy.  and that's okay.

third, can we please take a second to realize that our husbands are not just glorified monkeys when left alone with our kids?  if the kids are climbing the walls while he's with them and i'm not home, maybe i'm not doing enough to uphold his authority and respect his intelligence while i am home.  maybe i'm too busy demanding respect and appreciation from him, that i don't take time to respect and appreciate him in front of the kids.  of course someone who feels unsure of themselves and robbed of their authority is going to let the house catch on fire.  if your husband is fathering his children and loving his wife by letting you get out of the house for a while, PLEASE do not act like he's a huge screw-up.

all i'm suggesting is that we stop acting like everyone owes us respect and appreciation, if we're not willing to dole it out ourselves.  and i have this nagging feeling that if we start by doling it out, it will come back to us without us having to write a million blog posts about it.

my two cents.


the jersk. said...

ooh sidenote burn. good call.

todd said...

Boom. Roasted.

Katie Kenig said...

I totally agree! I hate how people just assume that dads couldn't possibly handle being alone with their children. Or specifically because we have a daughter, how because he is a MAN he would not enjoy his GIRL. He LOVES that we have a daughter!

Becca said...

It's not a career. It's a calling. Amen. Thanks Paige.

The Crislers said...

I watched half that video on FB the other day, then had to turn it off. I knew that was the one you were talking about halfway through your first paragraph. It all drove me crazy. No, I don't wear "mom goggles;" I can see how nasty my children are, I just love them anyway. I can see how crappy my kids' artwork is; but I also know the effort that went into it. And Derek would probably be a better stay-at-home mom than I am. Thankfully he just doesn't have the patience. But then, neither do I; God does through me. Love this post.