I'M ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE. and stuff's about to get weird.

okay, wowzers.  it's thursday.  and i swear i'm not dead.

what can i say?  it's been like 70 degrees outside, and penelope had the flu, and once she was over it, i hauled all the kids to lowes.  so i haven't had much time to blog because, you know, life.

but as i've been going about my days, i've been noodling.  mulling.  i get lost in my own head sometimes, because i'm the only adult that i have to talk to most of the time.  i suppose it's good that i still have a grown-up friend even when my only company is the kids, but i also suppose that it's bad that i'm my only grown-up friend sometimes.  that just sounds about the pathetic-est.

anyway, i (we) thought i'd (we'd) let you in on my (our) thoughts:

* yall, i'm still so not okay with how i look.  why is it so hard to just buck up and believe that my worth isn't found in that?  why am i constantly comparing and belittling and accusing myself?  i have no answers for you. 

* garden and springtime and a shiny new spade!  bags of manure on my driveway! finneas eating whole packets of nasturtium seeds!  let's do a 'die-winter-die' dance!  with some tap shoes on!

* i have the best friends.  i am blown away by the care you people show me.  i am so loved and cared for and undeserving since i never call anyone on the phone since i'm a hermit. 

* i really am getting dangerously hermit-like.  as in like, hoodie-hood-up, chewing-my-own-hair, moss-growing-on-my-teeth hermity.  i leave the house for church on sunday...and then i leave the house for church the next sunday.  and even when i get the opportunity in the middle of the week, i don't feel like leaving.  what's wrong with me?

* john adams was the rockin'est, except for when he got all depressed and stopped writing to abigail for a while even though he was in europe and getting malaria, and she was home all by herself and running the farm and having a stillbirth and everything.  gotta say, that was kind of a d-bag thing to do.  but other than that, he really was the rockin' colossus of rockin' independence. 

* i think i need to update my slang.  i'm starting to remind myself of Mr. Batty, Balding History Teacher to the Stars.


so.  that's what we think about that.