i'm not ashamed of the hot dogs, i'm not ashamed of the ones i love.

(if you don't know that song, the title is probably weird.  and also, if you do know that song, the title is still probably weird - and maybe even borderline blasphemous - but at least has some kind of context.)

i have to say, for the last couple of months, since discovering my food sensitivities, food has gotten to be kind of boring.  actually, really boring - the kind of boring that's pronounced 'BO-ring' and said while your eyes get really big and you tip your head back.  that kind of boring.  i mean, there are really only so many rice crackers and rice cakes and rice tortillas and rice breads and rice waffles that a person can eat.  don't get me wrong - i'm actually developing a loyalty to the versatility of the humble grain of rice.  but still - it can get old.

(on a side note, i really think i'm turning into a grain of rice with a face.  maybe rice-wrapped sushi?  preferably a philadelphia roll, those things are gewd.  and as a human-sized roll of sushi, i'll get a job as the mascot for some sushi place and sing that 'turning japanese' song to all the guests and they will cheer and chant my name and i will wave chopsticks around in the air like trophies.  also...huh?)
anyway, i guess i should get back to my main point: eating = boring.  as a result, i don't do it very often.  as a result, i'm dropping poundage like a british person at a 70-million-percent-off sale at 'bloody wanker hat and cap store.'  (sorry, i'm delirious from the no-eating thing, but it is a funny joke if you take a second to think about it.)  which would be fine, except i don't really need to lose weight and also my boobs have gone missing.

so, because i am trying to bribe my boobs to come home, and also because i read somewhere once that if you don't eat you'll die, i decided to eat breakfast AND lunch the other day.  (baby steps, bob.)  and to motivate myself to eat lunch, i did something i would never have done otherwise: i ate a hot dog TWO delicious, albeit over-microwaved-and-therefore-slightly-tough-and-shriveled hot dogs.

now, before you judge me, i must say that because of my limited food options, even your standard weiners don't make the cut for me to eat.  because of this, i have to be kind of a hot dog snob, and so they were all-beef, certified-kosher, twice-as-expensive, god-won't-smite-you-for-eating-this-even-if-you're-jewish-but-cancer-isn't-so-forgiving-even-to-the-jews-so-you're-still-tempting-death-by-eating-this-thing hot dogs.  but hot dogs they were, nonetheless.

and can i please say that they were delicious and i will probably be eating hot dogs every day for lunch from now until eternity next week when i get bored with them?

although, i did wash them down with a leftover shake from hickory park, which must have had corn syrup in it, so i got sick anyway and i should have just made myself a giant pita and a bowl of popcorn and really done it up right.  i mean, a leftover shake isn't really worth feeling like this...but popcorn and a pita are.

maybe, since i'm sick already, i'll go make some popcorn right now.  if i don't blog ever again, you'll know it was death by popcorn-provoked squirrely intestines, so...unpleasant but not entirely unworth it.

*post edit: i ate the popcorn.  and you know that thing where you build something up in your mind as being the awesomest, and then you do whatever drastic thing it takes to get that thing, but then you're all like, eh?  the popcorn was not worth dying over.  at. all.

1 comment :

whenjeskasparks said...

i found a new love.
spring rolls.

rice paper (which you put in hot water to make it sticky and pliable)
shredded carrots
chicken or shrimp
this one type of lettuce
and sweet spicy sriracha sauce.

i plan on eating them for the rest of my life now that i found out how easy they are to make.
actually.. i'm going to the store right now to get the ingredients i think...hmmmmmm...