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things are about to get kind of healthy and also kind of weird.

well, friends, i have discovered it: my Reason For Getting Up in the Morning.

and it is Salad.

not just any old sad pile of soggy-log lettuce, but Salad with a capital S.  first of all, it has bacon on it.  so there you have it; it's hardly salad at all, but just a way to meet my 'PVV food pyramid'-recommended daily servings of salted pork.  (shame on you for thinking turkey bacon-stuff would suffice! SHAME!)

okay, so let's just back up a bit.  want to whip up your own reason for getting out of bed?  here's how:

1. get yourself a bowl.  like, not a cereal bowl, but like a small mixing bowl.  not the smallest you have; the next size up.

2. pull your pre-prepped ingredients out of the fridge:

**pre-chopped lettuce and/or spinach (and/or kale if you're riding the cultural-relevancy train).  no iceberg lettuce here, people.  make this salad worth it.  i love those boxes of artisan lettuce you can get that have romaine, something purple, and also another green one in them. 

**crumbled bacon (i cook and crumble it by the pound and leave it in the fridge for times such as these.) 

**maybe some shredded chicken if you've got it.  pack in the protein.

**hard boiled eggs. (you may have seen that dastardly and deceptive pin on pinterest telling you to bake your eggs.  do not succumb to the thought that it might be okay since your house won't stink as badly while they're cooking.  THEY ARE GROSS AND ALTON BROWN IS A TRAITOR.  boil away, ladies.  boil. away.)

**chopped green or red onions.  or both.  depends on who and how immediately you will be snogging afterward.

**sliced peppers.

**portabella mushrooms, bought pre-sliced or cut with an egg slicer - my very own pinterest-free revelation!  and if you don't like mushrooms, i think you might be kind of a baby about things.

**grated cheese, like an aged cheddar or something.  or feta.  or both.

**salad dressing.  your choice.  i highly recommend something with plenty of fat, because all the veggies will cancel it out, right?

also, you're going to want to grab some dried cranberries and some nuts out of the pantry.


3.  mix it like your salary depends on it.  mix it like a club dj.  mix it like your name is Madam Mix-A-Lot.

4. put a little more bacon on it than you did at the beginning.

5. tell yourself that as long as you can hold out until 10:30 to make it, you're not a weirdo for being this excited about salad.  Weirdos eat salad for breakfast; Normally Balanced and Healthy folks eat it for lunch.  and 10:30 is lunchish enough.

if you really want to make this salad speisty, allow yourself to read harry potter the entire time you're eating.  i swear, you'll be out of bed in a heartbeat in anticipation of lunch.  you just might pee your pants from all the excitement, depending on how many kids you've had and how much bladder control you've retained.

consider this your formal introduction to Salad Van Voorst, the newest member of our tightknit family.

7 comments :

Our life in pictures said...

So funny and I can totally relate today! I made an A-Mazin salad today....love the bowls advice....shoulda had that before I made mine....

todd said...

more like Saladzar Slythern

Emily said...

Yum.

Todd, you are like a word wizard. Like Hairy Todder. Oh, you shaved the beard though. Um...like Professor McToddagal. Hmmm...Van Vooldemort?

todd said...

@Emily

I am a regular death-eater.

which is, by the by, what I used to call people who ate salads.

todd said...

rub some bacon on it!

Jessica said...

McDonald's says that breakfast ends/lunch begins at 10:30, so you are right to wait until that culturally-accepted time to eat your salad.

bfish said...

Sounds delicious and I love all of those ingredients. Other good stuff for salads includes kidney beans or garbanzo beans, and red cabbage. Also we use Napa cabbage a lot as an iceberg lettuce substitute -- much tastier and healthier.