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what's with all the crazies?

the other day i was at the local healthfood store, and they had a basket of pamphlets from local health practitioners.  hoping to find some leads on practitioners that are a little more 'whole-health' focused than our current doctors, i grabbed a few, thinking i'd look through them more closely once i got home and the kids weren't running wild all over the store.

so i get home and open up a brochure for 'the holistic wellness center,' thinking it's going to be like a naturopathy clinic or like some kind of doctor who shares a practice with a chiropractor or something.  uh...no.

here is a little sampling of their services:

~intuitive card/palm/tea leaf readings

~usui shiki ryoho reiki attunements (um, huh? it sounds like some kind of car maintenance for tikki tikki tembo.)

~DNA activation (didn't even know i needed this.  i just figured once you're born, your DNA is good and activated.  but then again, i don't have a medical practice license from the depths of the rainforest, so what do i know?)

~energetic healing (i guess i'd prefer this to apathetic or lackadaisical healing.)

~chakra balancing

~guided meditation

~chi ride and chi belt (the chi ride sounds like it might be fun, like the batman or something.)

~animal healing (is this healing with animals, healing by animals, or healing for animals?)

this place also hosts parties, and gives you the option of throwing a psychic party or a paranormal investigations team party.  i'm surprised harry potter costume parties weren't in the brochure.  maybe the staff uniforms involve lightning bolts and griffendor sweaters, making every day a party at the holistic wellness center.

i am not making this up (although i am only assuming about the harry potter parts).  this is a real place and people actually pay money to have their DNA activated.  and i'm all, okay, so i've had my ears candled and i'm not morally opposed to the smell of patchouli.  so i'm not just saying this because i'm biased...but this is all some crazy demon stuff going on.

and all i wanted was to find a doctor who knew what probiotics were and wouldn't look at me like i was crazy when i said i cured my kid's eczema with molasses.  is that really so much to ask?

1 comment :

apotratz said...

You're right it's some demon stuff going on! I had a guest speaker (at the 'burg) come into one of my Social Work classes to talk about Reiki (not sure on spelling). If I remember correctly it's basically putting your hand over someone and "thinking" about them being healed, or sending "good energy" into their system. I think they also have some wierd tools they use. creepy.