stuff that annoys me.

even though i'm mostly a positively radiating, my-spit-tastes-like-candy-and-i-poop-daisies kind of optimist, i have decided that in order to be more approachable, i should start complaining more.  so here are some things that really annoy me:

1. when parents call each other 'mommy' and 'daddy' when they're not talking on behalf of their kids.  you know, like saying things like, 'what do you want for dinner, daddy?' that is beyond creepy.

2.  matthew mcconaughey. (yes, i had to look up how to spell that.)  he's the biggest slacker in the entire world, not to mention extremely bizarre (regularly dancing naked to ethnic drumbeats in the bonfire-light and burying his girlfriend's placenta in his yard after she gave birth are just two of his more notable behaviors).  and yet, whenever he's cast in a movie, he's always super suave, successful, and frequently rich.  and also, about 89% of the time he's a very intense attorney.  what's up with that?

3.  the radio.  with a built-in commute now anytime we want to go anywhere worth going, we've been listening to a lah-ha-haht (dr. cox anyone?) of radio...and i'm a station-bouncer.  as in, i'm not going to wait around for the weird commercials so we'll see what's on the country station/the rap station/the light station.  and here is where i start my sub-category of annoying radio-isms:

3a.  i swear 68% of all songs they play on the light station are like straight-to-video movies.  i'm quite confident weird obscure artists put out straight-to-light-radio songs because, really, where else would you ever find stuff like this?!

3b.  is it just me, or are rap and country basically the same thing?  i realize that it may not be a popular position to hold in many social and/or cultural circles, but really, change the dialect and switch out certain cultural references for certain other ones, and you have basically the same songs.  don't believe me? check out my highly scientific list of how they're actually singing about the exact same things, just with different words:

                          cristal = bud light
                          the ghetto = the bayou
                          applebottoms = levi's
                          the club = the honky tonk
                          cadillac escalade = ford pickup
                          concealed handgun = hunting rifle
                          your mama = your mama
                          sex and money and getting drunk = sex and money and getting drunk
see, at the end there, there really is no distinguishing one from the other.  i would say that the one main difference between these two types of music (other than that one is rap and one is country) is that rap music is a bit more believable.  what do i mean?  i mean, when a rapper asserts he's a gangster (or something he'd actually say; i don't know all the lingo) i actually think, i trust that guy and will be staying out of his way and also i won't mess with his mom or his girlfriend or steal any money from him or be caught at the wrong club at the wrong time or laugh when he loses at darts.  but when a country singer asserts that he's some kind of hotstuff-but-still-down-to-earth ladies' man from the bayou (as they all seem to do), i really just get suspicious, like, either you're a country music star who has a ton of money and lives in a mansion and doesn't actually wear levi's and only calls his mama on holidays, OR i'm all like, you're probably just a lonely hillbilly who still lives with his mama in a not-cute way. and both ways, i'm like, ladies' man? really?

3c. i bet people who do radio commercials are really ugly, because they're definitely significantly less talented than tv-commercial people, so it stands to reason they're also uggos.   poor radio commercial people.

3d. i think radio stations are in cahoots with each other and try to punish you for switching away from their station by making sure that EVERY. SINGLE. OTHER. station you try to switch to is playing something far worse than what you were trying to get away from in the first place.

3e.  christian radio djs.  the men all talk like they, and everyone listening, are twelve year old girls during the emotionally intense parts of a slumber party.  like on the surface they're saying, 'up next, we have jeremy camp' but they're really saying, 'i would love to braid your hair to make you feel beautiful.'  and the women all speak like they will receive some kind of dog-collar shock if they speak louder than a few decibals above silent.  not the best approach when your whole career hinges on your voice. and the ability of people to hear it.

if you can't tell, radio in particular has been the major source of my annoyance lately, and i'm glad to have aired all that dirty laundry.  what's been super annoying to you lately? share it.  i promise you'll feel better.

1 comment :

apotratz said...

thanks for sharing about matthew mchoney (oops, didn't spell that right). i didn't know he was such a creeper, and whats with his whispy voice in all of his movies? it's like when he gets all dramatic and serious he gets some weird lisp action going on. and I totally know what you mean about radio, I've pretty much stopped listening to radio altogether, even the christian station.