what's up weekly.

yo yo yo wassup wassup!?!?

this week was busy with crows and stuff.  if you know me, you might know i have a thing with crows.  i hate them.  they freak me out.  and yet, this fella found it appropriate to sit on the van and stake his claim on our trash can.

then he started cawcaw-ing out to his crow friends that there were some tasty morsels to be had, and this one joined him.  they clearly tried to get more buddies in on the action, but i don't think the other crows believed that there was a trash can with as many poopy diapers in it as promised, so they didn't bother to show up.  (joke's on those crows;  the first ones weren't lying.)

super freaky.

atticus found a pile of fire wood behind the house where we're staying.  this ensued:

followed shortly thereafter by this:

we somehow found ourselves in the possession of a comically large can of beans.

i turned 35 weeks pregnant and continued to be disappointed in my pregnancy book (it's just now getting around to talking about the possibility of having multiples).

and we're closing on our house TODAY!  oh glory.  we will finally have a home to call our own again!  i'm excited to get in there and start making it 'ours,' so that's probably what i will be spending most of the day doing.  yesssss. 

lemon out.

i'm mad at that guy at walmart. and here's why.

okay, so if you haven't heard, i'm pregnant.  with my fourth kid.  and my oldest is four.  needless to say, i get a lot of stares when i'm out in public.  (maybe not because of the kids thing, but maybe more because of the unshowered-and-desperate-looking thing.  but also maybe because of the kids thing.)

usually, if people say something about the size of our family, it goes one of two ways.  either they're sweet about it and compliment how cute the kids are (this, unsurprisingly, is my favorite way for the scenario to play out) or they say something snarky and/or confused about it.  things along the lines of "you know how that happens, right?" and "are they all yours?!" and "*winkwinknudgenudge* you have your hands FULL!"  i usually head these people off by saying something like, "full of good things!" or something equally cheeseball that shuts up the jerks and steers the well-intentioned toward saying something nice rather than giving me unsolicited advice.

honestly, i usually don't really mind when people comment.  even the jerky things roll off relatively easily because i know people are just sincerely curious or taken aback.  but yesterday i was about ready to punch this one guy.  i'm standing there in walmart, trying to pick out a prenatal vitamin and some tums, and my cart is full of diapers and monkey-children (i was seriously like a walking caricature), and this guy walks past, sees us standing there, then backs up and waits at the end of the aisle for us to finish and walk toward him.  as i pass him, he's all, 'you're going to have your hands full when that baby comes out.'  not smiling, just super serious and patronizing.  and i was all, 'full of good things!'  and he was all, 'no.  seriously.  not that what you're doing is wrong or anything, i guess, but just wait and see.  it's going to be a handful.'

um, thanks, stranger.

seriously.  i have not been so annoyed by someone in a long time.  i keep trying to tell myself that he was well-intentioned, but he was seriously so doomsday about the prospect of me having to do the work of raising another kid that i can't stop imagining him getting mega-wedgied by some random bully who decided to loiter around his cart and ruin his day.

anyway.  here's a tip for those of you in the audience who don't really know what to say to in-public moms trying to wrestle their tiny children through the store:  if you must say something, please say something pleasant.  'you have a beautiful family!' is a wonderful thing for a mom to hear when her kids are unbathed and covered in popsicle juice and climbing under her skirt and opening the granola bars before they've been paid for.  we all know you mean it conceptually.  and that's fine.  just something that doesn't communicate the fact that you regret her decisions on her behalf, or that watching her makes you want to die inside, is appreciated.

my two cents.

video vednesday: orange. blue. yellow. green. clear. neon.

ARE YOU ESSING ME RIGHT NOW?!

philosophical tuesday.

is there anything more depressing than seeing a random, single shoe in some kind of public place?  at least for me, i'm all, 'where's your buddy, little guy?  how did you get all the way out here in the target parking lot all by yourself?  whose foot did you used to grace?  do they even miss you?  what is going to happen to you?'  i imagine that those shoes are just sitting there feeling like adam, all 'i was made to be part of a pair, but i'm missing my mate.'  seriously, at this point in time, i can think of no other trivial thing that's sadder than a matchless shoe.

but really, it does make me wonder how it's a common enough phenomenon that it's a 'thing.'  the other day, i saw three in the same day (one of which was a baby sandal in the middle of a crosswalk.  talk about melancholy).  how does one lose a shoe in a public place without noticing?  and then, once you do notice, what is the protocol?  do you just throw away the other one (heartless but realistic), or do you hold onto it for a while like you do with singular socks, hoping that someday its other half will show up (optimistic but pointless)?  what would i do?  what would you do?  what would jesus do?

lots of deep thoughts to ponder on this tuesday.

the voorst of july.

we didn't really do anything stereotypically fourth-of-july-y on the fourth.  there wasn't a parade, the fireworks were in another town and not until saturday, we don't have an above-ground pool, and my kids are too young to get trashed in the name of patriotism.  so we did what any other countercultural family would do: we ate hot dogs with some friends, forced our kids to play with sparklers against their will, and had all our minors in bed by 7:30 p.m.  WOOHOO!

we started off the night bbq-ing it up with our friends/upstairs neighbors/host family (i like having a reason to use the vocabulary of a foreign exchange student!) and a woman affectionately known as Grandma Pumpkin.  we then busted out the sparklers, which we thought the kids would love.  instead, the predictable-if-i-had-thought-about-it-realistically happened: atticus spent the entire time holding his sparkler as far away from his body as possible, saying, 'i don't want to do this anymore.  i don't want this.  i'm done.  i don't want to do this anymore.'  once his sparkler was burned out, he wandered off to find a patch of dirt to dig in.  penelope, on the other hand (and again, predictably), held her sparkler out in front of her, stuck out her tongue like a maniac, and apparently pretended to stir some kind of imaginary pot.  my kids are nothing if not true to form.

 

not too sure about holding a stick of shooting fire.  i guess it's understandable.

 

 

much more up his alley.

 

 

she's a little more into it.

 

 

okay, maybe it's not so bad...

 

 

 

after the requisite sparkler-ing, the kids spent a little time swinging, then we busted out the cake, which atticus had a much easier time getting on board with.

 

 

and that was our fourth of july.  'and i'm proud to be an american, where at least i know there's cake...'

the weekly 'what's up.'

this week was one of those weeks that was really busy but full of a bunch of nonspecifics, so there are only a few highlights worth noting.

 

first, we went on a walk, during which we saw an excavator hard at work and had to take a very long observational break.  (ironically, atticus had brought along his beloved excavator toy, so he was in heaven, holding an excavator and watching an excavator.)

 

 

 

sorry for the photo quality; it's a picture of a photo captured on todd's phone, which cost us one cent, if you can't tell.

i turned 34 weeks, and also failed to do my hair or makeup or put on glasses (and i'm developing a lazy eye! there must be something in the van voorst water!) so i'm going to let someone else do the glamorous smiling for me:

  just to prove it really is me from the shoulders on down, here's a realtime photo of me.

now, to undo any progress i had made in allowing you to think that i might possibly look like angelina jolie in real life, here's a photo of me, apparently telling everyone at the table whom i will be eating first.  (i'm pretty sure you can see each one of my teeth, which is a pretty amazing feat for a profile shot):

yesterday was the fourth of july, so i'll be telling you all about that next week.

i spent the week getting to order rugs and lighting and art for the new house - so. very. excited.  it's all coming together, people.

and in our biggest news this week, finneas is finally starting to walk a little further and much more frequently!  yesssss.




that was our week.  what was up yours?  ahem.  i mean, what was up with yours?

we're going to hand out magnets like it's thirty-twelve tonight...

seriously, y'all.  watch this before you read the rest of this blog.  i'm now in the business of posting teaser previews.

on saturday we got the opportunity to be in a parade as part of our new church.  todd played guitar on a float (and by 'played guitar,' i mean, did an amazing choreographed dance with six other guys and won us a 'people's choice' award), and the kids and i walked behind (and by 'walked' i mean, i waddled slowly and uncomfortably, and atticus ran desperately from the band of john deere tractor collectors driving behind us).

but let me back up:  the day started out like this:

 yes.  we were all crowded under a tarp because it was POURING down rain.  we had 4000 icy pops to pass out.  the odds were not in our favor that there would a) be people even out watching the parade and b) they would want an icy pop.  not to mention the 4000 magnets with the church logo that we were hoping to pass out that didn't hold up well to getting wet.  the day was looking bleak.  metaphorically.  also literally.

it was still raining when we started, but luckily there were tons of people out anyway.  those 4000 magnets would not return void!  (that's a lame bible-speak joke that means there was nary an onlooker that went home magnet-less.  we marched to the tune of 'no fridge left behind!!') and shortly after the parade started, the rain stopped.  it was like the sweet, sweet opposite of the story of elijah calling down rain from heaven.

the candeo guys put on quite the show.  here's a teaser, and there is a video at the end for those of you who are in the mood to swoon.

 

 

and finally, a full-body shot of the float and all her sweet features people who walked next to the float:

as you can see, the boys and i are straggling off to the side.  my swollen pregnant feet were all like, 'i know the photo's happening over there, but this is where i land.'  if you can find penelope in this photo, i'll do that creepy thing where i set a place for you at our table next time we sit down to dinner even though you won't be there to enjoy it.  maybe i'll light a candle in your honor.  good luck.

so without further ado, here's a video of the actual routine for you to enjoy:




*update: here's a newspaper article about the parade, along with a great photo of the guys on the float.

video vednesday: i don't know why i'm crying, i'm just crying...and watching soccer...

thanks for the video, jes!

hopefully it's reassuring...?

i have been preoccupied lately with planning how to decorate our new house.  i'm getting to pick out rugs and lighting and paint and throw pillows and oh. my. word. it's seriously fun.  and overwhelming.  but mostly fun.

however, i am starting to suspect that todd has a different opinion.  he comes home most days to me all bleary-eyed from staring at pinterest and the pottery barn website all through naptime, and i'm foaming at the mouth over some rug or something, and i think it has him a little scared.

don't worry, husband.  it will all be okay.  some of it might be pink.  but i promise it will be okay.

the year of the womanly arts...not so much.

i almost titled it, 'the year of the womanly farts' because it's going so poorly, but i realize that doesn't really make any sense, it's just funny because it includes the word 'fart.'  ...maybe i should have just gone with that; it's worthy of a low-brow chuckle at least.

anyway.  the year of the womanly arts.  i am failing.  miserably.

i forgot to pack my tweezers, so i haven't plucked my eyebrows (or, if i'm being honest, my rogue chin hairs) in like two months.  there was that one time i tried to use hot wax to deal with it (yeah, i remembered the hot wax but not the tweezers.  i'm paige van voorst and i'm impractical) but i got a bunch of wax in the hair at my temples and had to cut it out... since then, i've developed a delicate balance of ignoring my wonky bert-and-ernie eyebrows and carefully cutting off my chin hairs with baby fingernail clippers. 

i have three skirts that i rotate between since they're the only thing i find remotely comfortable.  so they're always dirty or wrinkled, and they only sometimes match my shirt.  my shirts are all covered with grease stains on the belly, because that's what maternity shirts do for some reason.  i tried wearing jeans the other day, but they pinched a nerve in my leg so badly that i swore i had a blood clot and was about to die of a pulmonary embolism.

i have nail polish on one thumb and that is all.

my hair got rained on at a parade on saturday morning (ironic) and i haven't showered since then, so i've been walking around looking like erykah badu for the last three days.

but on the bright side, we live in a basement, where the light is always dim, so maybe no one has noticed.  also on the bright side, i'm about to have a baby and everyone will just chalk up my haphazard appearance to sleep deprivation and remaining lumps of baby weight!  that excuse is one of the reasons i love having a newborn.  (todd loves having one more reasonable person to blame his in-public farts on.  and there you go: back to farts and we've come full circle.  my job here is done.)