what's up weekly.

So, it has happened.  I have finally been bitten in the butt by my ongoing mantra that the time just flies too quickly each week.  This week has seemed absolutely interminable.  How is it only Friday and not already March at this point?  Seriously.  Snail's pace.  Ugh.

Everything actually started off great.  The big storm we had spent time preparing for last week never hit us, and the kids ended up being really bummed that the power never went out.  I think they were imagining eating peanut butter sandwiches by the truckloads and fashioning strobe lights out of camping lanterns, so I can completely understand their disappointment.  I, however, was outrageously grateful that I didn't have to learn how to use our new propane heater without blowing up the house.

Saturday morning I woke up to discover Atticus had executed, with the assistance of Todd, a surprise breakfast of bacon and fried eggs for yours truly.  It was just sitting and waiting for me at my spot at the table, alongside a note that read, "By Atticus. To Mom.  Hope you like it!"  So amazing and understated, just like him.  It meant so much, and made me so happy.

Something else that made me happy this week?  Using this new mug, which I actually got for Todd for Christmas, but have coopted for my own use:

Any other GMM fans in the audience?

Sunday was normal through the day, but right before I went to bed, I started to feel weird.  Minor chills, a 'heavy' feeling in my stomach.  It turns out, I was coming down with a stomach bug, and spent much of the night awake, getting up occasionally to throw up.  In the morning, Todd woke up to find Penelope sick as well, so he stayed home to help juggle things and I slept.

By the afternoon, Todd himself laid down for a nap, and Callista started some serious stomach pyrotechnics.  Puking toddlers are always so pathetic - not only do they not feel good, but they have no idea what is happening to them, and there's no way to explain it, so they just look hurt and confused, on top of looking sick.

After everyone was in bed that night, it was Todd's turn to start feeling really terrible.  He was up through the night on Monday, and stayed home from work on Tuesday.  The rest of Tuesday was uneventful, as was the day on Wednesday.  Atticus had an orthodontist appointment in Kansas City in the morning, so Todd took him to that, and the other kids and I hung out at home.  I tried getting caught up on laundry and dishes, since illness always seems to spawn extra messes somehow.

I thought we were out of the woods, since it had been nearly 48 hours since anyone had fallen victim to the barfs, so I asked a college gal to come watch the kids so Todd and I could go test drive a big ol' van.  (A local church is selling their youth group van, haha.  It still has the giant vinyl "SUCH-AND-SUCH BAPTIST CHURCH" stickers along the side.  I'm sure I just looked awesome driving it around town.)

View this post on Instagram

Test driving a potential new ride, listed for sale by a local church youth group. 😏 This is what I affectionately call the Baptist Party Van - room for all the Van Voorsts, plus an additional family of six. Now THAT’S a party.

A post shared by Paige Van Voorst (@theminivanvoorsts) on Jan 23, 2019 at 4:20pm PST

Clearly I'm about to become the coolest mom on the block.

We came home from our test drive and I made - of all things - chili for dinner.  Big mistake.  HUGE.  (In my defense, I was making dinner to send over to a friend, and had promised her chili and cornbread earlier in the week, and I just doubled the batch so I was only cooking one meal for both families... it wasn't like I just sat around and thought, 'What would be the dumbest thing I could cook for us at this given moment in time?')  Laurelai started feeling queasy right before we ate, so luckily she didn't eat any chili, but everyone else had some.  Lo started barfing toward the end of dinner, and spent the rest of the evening on the couch.

Soothing her stomach with D'Aulaire's "Greek Myths."  Because Greek myths are so comforting.

Laurelai's temporary bunk station.

She kept throwing up until about 10:30, and then around 2:00 a.m. Atticus came up to say he was sick.  He ended up so sick that all the blood vessels in his face are now broken, and he's a blotchy, swollen, bruised mess.

Between barfing kids and worrying that chili-puke would end up on the boys' new (white. WHITE.  WHY WHITE?!) bedding, I didn't get much sleep Wednesday night either.  Yesterday morning, we skipped our trip to the Amish, since Finneas had had four (FOUR!) bowls of chili the night before and hadn't yet gotten sick, and I was not about to stick him in the car for two hours, even if he was acting fine at the time.  The rest of the day yesterday was spent recovering at home: watching movies, taking naps, reading books, skipping school.

Original versions of classic fairy tales, which are cozy and comforting and not at all disturbing.

Which brings us to today.  I am so tired, it's painful.  Between still recovering from being sick earlier in the week (which always takes longer during pregnancy), and missing so much sleep caring for the kids, and dealing with all the extra laundry and individualized meals, plus actually being pregnant, I am absolutely wiped out.  I'll be attempting our Amish trip this morning, but that is always exhausting in its own right, and I'm not sure I have it in me.  But I also am dying to leave the house, so we'll see.

Stumpi also hasn't been feeling well lately.  I think it's just my pregnant/maternal hormones kicking in, but I am seriously SO worried about this silly little animal's health.  I'm watching her eating habits and pooping habits and growth patterns.  I'm certain she's communicating with me via eye contact that she's not feeling well.  None of it has been looking good.  So I finally spent money on pet care for the first time ever (other than buying $2 in bait worms every couple of months): I got her a UVB light to help her produce vitamin D3, and some bedding that is supposed to kill mites and keep her cage cleaner.  I have no idea if either one will work, but I feel like I'm helping, so that's good.

Why the poinsettia?  Because even though Todd bought it right after Thanksgiving, and even though I've watered it TWICE in the last two months, it refuses to give up the ghost, and I can't in good conscience throw away a perfectly viable plant.  So, here it sits.  (And yes, I know to watch out for toddlers putting it in their mouths, but poinsettias aren't made of starchy carbs or dairy, so my kids are completely disinterested.)

As for good news, I did get a lot of reading done this week in my perpetual state of on-the-couchness.  Here are the books on my table:

A LOT of Sally Clarkson, who is really ministering to me lately.  Little Women, which has also surprisingly become a semi-spiritual read.  A Charlotte Mason Education because Callista found it somewhere around the house and brought it to me, and I decided it looked just good enough, and just short enough, to tackle right now.

I'm also on track with a yearly Bible read-through plan, but as we're about three weeks into the year so far, I realize this is not a major feat.  I also received this sweet little 5-year journal for Christmas, and have been diligent in filling it out almost every day.

 I *THINK* I have discovered I have a favorite color.

They never tell you that motherhood is fraught with perils; namely, all the imminent danger you must navigate once the toddlers learn how to click the tops of pens and highlighters.  I just discovered this little gem of an art piece this week.  I suspect it was done by Rocco at some point, and if I'd been diligent in a Bible read-through plan last year, I probably would have found it sooner.  But its been biding its time, waiting patiently for its unveiling.

And finally, to wrap up this ultra-long blog post, here I am in all my pregnancy glory, vacuum-packed into jeans that didn't allow me to breathe well enough to stay standing OR sitting.  But gosh darnit if I refuse to buy maternity jeans.  (I have owned two pairs in the past, both of which were supremely unflattering and unreasonably expensive, so I just make do without them.  Albeit barely, as indicated by the fact that I can't live or move or have my being in normal jeans.)  I have a long three months ahead of me if my jeans already don't fit.  And with the amount of round ligament pain I've been experiencing, I really think this baby might end up being a chunk, just to spite the chuckleheads at the fetal imaging center.  Way to write your own story, Baby Girl!

And now, thank the good Lord this week is OVER!  (Although, Rocco and Finneas still haven't gotten sick, so this week has the potential to stretch into next week... pray for our souls and our stomachs, dear ones.)

how to REALLY care for yourself (pt. 2)

A week or so ago, I started a series of posts on what Biblical self-care actually looks like.  For a recap, Biblical self-care always starts with, well, the Bible.  To know what it says, we have to read it, so that's an excellent starting point.  From there, we should also be spending time in prayer (speaking with God), time in Bible-saturated conversations with our husbands, and time in mentoring conversations with older, godly women.  From there, we ought to focus our sights on serving and caring for others.  Our self-care actually starts from outside of ourselves: allowing God to speak through his Word, his Spirit, and the spiritual advisors in our lives, and then pouring out into others according to their needs.

(To go back for a full refresher, read "The Sinister Side of Self-Care," and "How to REALLY Take Care of Yourself, Part 1.")

But after nourishing ourselves with the manna of wisdom and service, what about actual, physical things we can be doing to care for ourselves during these especially demanding seasons of life?

Let's tackle just one thing today: food.

Eat Well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know.  I get it.  First of all, everyone everywhere has a word of advice on how and what you should be eating, and second of all, is it really THAT big of a deal?

Simply put?  Yes, it really is.  God made you a body.  You don't just have a body, but you are a body, as much as you are a soul and a mind and a spirit.  As much as we want to, we can't compartmentalize our created selves.  Adam and Eve were created in the Garden as whole people, with bodies, and the separation of body and soul in the ripping of death is the result of the Fall, and our selves will be restored to wholeness one day.  Jesus himself came as God in FLESH, which is far from insignificant, and when he resurrects us, we will be resurrected into glorified manifestations of our current bodies.  Actual bodies, not just some kind of ethereal, see-through, holographic something-or-others.  Real bodies to live on the real new earth.  Our actual, physical, incarnate bodies matter to God.  So how you treat and feed and care for your body really matters.  (I really could go on and on about this, but I'll stop here for now.)

So let's talk about how to feed these precious bodies.  Often, in the world of "self-care-self-care-self-self-self!" people will fall into one of two ditches when it comes to food: over-indulgence and utilitarianism.


Over-indulgence.  The first camp is often manifested in emotional eating: "I'm stressed, so I'm going to go grab a huge mocha-frappe-whatsit-whatsit to make me feel better."  This really is fine every once in a while - God made food to taste good, and to be a comfort, and even a significant daily reminder of his goodness to us.  But a constant stream of all the sugar and caffeine in the stuff we gravitate toward literally robs our bodies of the things we need in order to do life's most important work.  Our nutritionally deficient lifestyles steal from our health - so we end up feeling more stressed, more on edge, more exhausted, less capable, less vibrant.  A constant diet of this garbage is not self-care.  It's simply self-destruction that tastes good.

I only say this as someone who is naturally geared toward high-sugar, stress-induced emotional eating.  If this is the camp you fall into, I get it, I really, really do.  But I've truly seen the dark side of living like this, and after years of comforting myself through the physical and emotional demands of early motherhood with foods that didn't nourish me, but rather stole from my health, I experienced entire years of abundance and joy and fruitfulness taken from me in the health crash that came as a result.  I was killing myself in the name of comfort and indulgence (which, in the end, wasn't all that comforting).  I can tell you food absolutely affects our physical and emotional lives, which in turn affect our relational and spiritual lives.  God never meant us to live this way.  Self-discipline in our eating is a profound form of self-care.

Okay, for the other ditch: utilitarianism.  I've fallen into this ditch myself, too.  Food is medicine, yes.  But it's not only medicine; it's also food.  And food was made to be pleasing and enjoyable and comforting, not just to fill bellies.  ("He did not leave himself without a witness, for he did good by giving you rains from heaven and fruitful seasons, satisfying your hearts with food and gladness."  Acts 14:17).

We were never meant to be slaves to our nutrition, and our pet diet plan will never actually save us from the ravages of sin and death.  We can eat paleo or plant-based or vegan or whatever, and we will still get sick.  We will absolutely still die.  Our physical food is not our salvation.  We act as though the most important health worth chasing is our physical health, and trade our spiritual freedom in the process.

I personally spent quite a bit of time enslaved to "What-If Eating" ("What if my kids are exposed to pesticides and get cancer?  What if our grains aren't all properly prepared and we get cavities and bone disease?  What if they eat sugar and get wired and their immune system is suppressed and they get sick?  What if I mess up their health?  What if I could have prevented some kind of illness?  What if other moms don't think we eat healthy enough?")  One verse I found to be extremely helpful in battling this difficult snare was Romans 14:17-18: "For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.  Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men."  My eyes need to be focused more on pursuing righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit than on added sugars and USDA labels and numbers on a scale and what Crunchy Church Mom thinks of me.  I need to enjoy food as a picture of the way I enjoy Christ.

We are a free people, ready and able to feast when the time comes to feast.  We need to be careful that we're not sacrificing our meals and bodies to the gods of Food Morality and Diet Righteousness.  God declared it all clean, and who are we to declare otherwise?  (Acts 10:15)  Training ourselves away from self-righteousness and self-salvation through food is a profound form of self-care.

This post really could have been so much longer.  For as much as the world talks about how and what we eat, the Bible somehow talks about it even more.  If there's one thing God never stops talking about, it's food.  He cares about it, because he cares about us.  Let's daily eat to nourish ourselves, and intentionally feast when it's time to celebrate.  It seems so basic, but the balance can be so hard to wrap our minds around.  Learning to discern the time and season for each is truly self-care.

what's up weekly.

AGAIN.  IT'S FRIDAY AGAIN.  That's all I'll say on the topic, but dang.

The main news of the week was the snow.  That's what consumed us all weekend.

Why, yes, Todd IS in shorts.  Is this not how you dress in knee-high snowdrifts?

By Monday, the power was back on, the roads were somewhat cleared, and the temperatures were high enough that stuff was starting to melt.

We spent Monday and Tuesday running errands - partly because we had a few things we needed to do, and partly because I was feeling a bit stir-crazy after being stuck inside all weekend.  We went to Staples and Walmart on Monday, and hit Target and Menards on Tuesday.  (Sidenote: I am getting ready to add some pantry storage to my laundry room, and am gathering supplies as they go on sale.  The Menards trip for laminate shelving made me WAY happier than might seem reasonable, but you guys, I need this.  I need this so bad.)  The kids didn't mind all the errands, though, since we're listening through Chamber of Secrets on audiobook, and it offered them plenty of listening time.

In unrelated-to-the-rest-of-this-post news, Lissy has now decided she actually likes baths, and throws a tantrum each time she's REMOVED from the tub.  

After schoolwork on Tuesday afternoon, the kids spent time learning to braid.  Also, learning to take photos with the big camera.  Penelope's efforts at both braiding and photography were major successes:

Finneas' attempts at braiding and photography were... a bit more lackluster.

Saucy stuff right there.

Callista has also been reeeeally into brushing my hair lately, and will spend a solid 20 minutes just brushing away.  She insists, however, that I take off my glasses while she does it, and has now started accessorizing herself with them.  It's a whole process.

On Wednesday morning, Rocco woke up dry heaving, but we tried heading up to the Amish anyway.  He barfed once in the van on the way, and once we hit the gravel, the road conditions were just terrible, so it was an eventful trip.  We got home and Rocco slept the rest of the morning.  Luckily, he woke up feeling better, and none of the rest of us seem to have caught anything, so that's a huge answer to prayer.

Wednesday night, a friend watched the kids so that Todd and I could go on a date.  It was so very, very refreshing - it's been months since we've gotten the chance to just be together without the kids.  It's been a challenging couple of weeks at our house, with sickness and bad weather and kids hitting new stages, and I've felt tired.  It was so good to get the chance to reconnect and breathe a bit.  We went to an Asian bistro, then walked around Hobby Lobby and bought a few grocery items at Schnucks… just because we're grown ups who weren't quite ready to go home yet.

Yesterday was our first truly normal day all week, so nothing super newsworthy happened (other than the fact that I started my first-ever, full-on grease fire in the kitchen.  The top of the stove was actually aflame. Luckily it burned itself out while I was searching for some baking soda to smother it...).  Today we're going to make a Walmart run because we're in for another weekend of storms, only this time it's supposed to be ice rather than snow, and they're anticipating a lot of power outages.

Over the last few years, I've felt an increasing level of anxiety over my lack of emergency preparedness.  Not in like a 'doomsday prepper' or a 'remember Y2K' kind of way, but in a way that acknowledges just how many people I'm responsible to care for, and how much effort and how many resources it takes on a normal day to provide for them all, much less under strained circumstances.  (It probably doesn't help, too, that I've got third trimester hormones coursing through my body at this point, which I suspect are lubricating some of my more visceral maternal instincts and increasing my desire to protect my brood.)  So, all that to say, I will feel a bit better when I feel a bit better prepared for whatever might hit us this weekend.

Annnnd speaking of third trimester hormones, I'M OFFICIALLY IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER.  Let the panic ensue: Who will watch the kids when I go into labor?  How many freezer meals should I plan for, and when will I make them?  When will I find the time to wash all the baby clothes, and where will I put them once they're out?  We're already so short on dresser space; what will I do about clothing storage?  What will we name her - and how will we ever hope to find a name as cool as the other kids'?  And on and on.  Can you see the panic in my eyes?

Yeah, maybe not quite yet.  Right now all I'm thinking about is the ice storm.  I'll worry about baby stuff once the weather gets better.

*ALSO!! Today marks the FIFTEEN YEAR anniversary of the day I gave my life away to Jesus.  I'm never looking back - he has been so, so good to me, and it's really incredible when I think about everything he's given me that I'm absolutely sure I would have missed out on if I had just chosen to continue in my own way.  Thanking God for his kindness to me!

2018 in the books.

It's time for the yearly book report!  Well, report of books.  I love keeping track of what all I've read over the course of the year, and going back and thinking through how each year's reading has shaped me and made me think.

This year, I was able to get quite a bit of reading done.  Probably mostly due to the fact that we didn't move this year.  (Moving years are always pretty dead reading years.)  I'm especially glad to see such variety on this list: memoirs/autobiographies, journalistic endeavors, travel narratives, theology, cookbooks, health resources, fiction, educational philosophy, large family accounts, Christian living, and even finance/business are all genres I gleaned from over the last twelve months!  Nothing like continuing ed and professional development, right?

If you've read this blog for very long, you know I'm really passionate about reading, and about encouraging others to read.  Filling our minds matters.  How we fill our minds matters.  We should  be learning, and growing, and thinking, and being challenged and shaped.  "Walk with the wise, and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm" (Proverbs 13:20) - we are always walking with someone; we need to be selective about who we're walking with, where we're going, and how we're getting there.  Books are an easy, accessible way to find ourselves in the company of the wiser-than-ourselves.

So, without further ado, here are 2018's books!

Asterisks indicate re-reads from previous years; titles in bold are books I read for the first time this year and especially hope to read again someday.  This list doesn't contain books I read aloud to/alongside the kids.

1. A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson (1/8)

2. The Town that Food Saved by Ben Hewitt (1/27)

3. The Holiness of God by R. C. Sproul (2/06)

4. Wild by Cheryl Strayed (2/15)*

5.  The Midwife's Apprentice by Karen Cushman (2/23)*

6. Mother and Son: The Respect Effect by Emerson Eggerichs (3/1)

7. The Duggars: 20 and Counting by Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar (3/7)*

8. A Mother's Rule of Life by Holly Pierlot (3/21)

9. My Southern Journey by Rick Bragg (3/23)

10. Travels with Charley in Search of America by John Steinbeck (3/28)

11. The Mighty Queens of Freeville by Amy Dickinson (4/2)

12. If Walls Could Talk: An Intimate History of the Home by Lucy Worsley (4/17)

13. The Big Tiny by Dee Williams (4/23)*

14. The Pleasures of Reading in an Age of Distraction by Alan Jacobs (4/25)

15. Growing Up Amish: A Memoir by Ira Wagler (4/30)

16. The Fourth Trimester by Kimberly Ann Johnson (5/3)

17. My Life as an Amish Wife by Lena Yoder (5/17)

18. The Trim Healthy Mama Cookbook by Pearl Barrett and Serene Allison (5/17)

19. The Digital Mom Handbook by Audrey McClelland and Colleen Padilla (5/18)

20. The Explicit Gospel by Matt Chandler (5/26)

21. Plain Faith by Ora Ja and Irene Eash (6/09)

22. Education of a Wandering Man by Louis L'Amour (6/10)*

23. The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio by Terry Ryan*

24. Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass by Frederick Douglass (6/28)

25. Kim by Rudyard Kipling

26. Blood, Bones, and Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton*

27. WomanCode by Alisa Vitti (8/13)

28. Future Men by Douglas Wilson (8/21)

29. Your Healthy Pregnancy with Thyroid Disease by Dana Trentini and Mary Shomon (8/26)

30. The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins (8/30)

31. Prune by Gabrielle Hamilton (9/15)

32. L'Abri by Edith Schaeffer (9/16)*

33. Little Heathens: Hard Times and High Spirits on an Iowa Farm During the Great Depression by Mildred Armstrong Kalish (9/23)*

34. The Postnatal Depletion Cure by Dr. Oscar Serrallach (9/23)

35. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling (9/25)*

36. Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling by John Taylor Gatto (9/27)

37. The Lost Tools of Learning by Dorothy L. Sayers (9/28)

38. What to Expect When No One's Expecting by Jonathan V. Last (10/12)

39. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling (10/18)*

40. Graze by Suzanne Lenzer (10/28)

41. Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki (10/30)

42. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling (11/5)*

43. The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking (11/6)

44. God's Hotel by Victoria Sweet (11/14)

45. Standing on the Promises: A Handbook of Biblical Childrearing by Douglas Wilson (11/26)

46. The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson

47. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling (12/10)*

48. Treasuring God in Our Traditions by Noel Piper (12/15)

49. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling (12/26)*

50. The Silver Lining: A Practical Guide for Christian Grandmothers by Nancy Wilson (12/28)

51. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling (12/31)*

(Ugh, I hate that I didn't quite finish the Harry Potter series before the end of the year - the list looks so incomplete!  I finished Deathly Hallows on January 2.  So close!)

I don't have many specific reading goals in mind for 2019.  I find that my ability and attention span waxes and wanes with different seasons, so a year is a long time to plan for.  If I'm biting off smaller chunks of time to work with, I think over the next month or two, I'd like to focus my reading time on deepening my knowledge of and passion for mothering, homemaking, and life planning.  I have quite a few Sally Clarkson books on deck, as well as a couple from women from Canon Press (Nancy Wilson, Rebecca Merkle, Elise Crapuchettes).  I'd also like to find something a bit 'breezier' to turn to when I'm in the mood for some fiction - I'm thinking Little Women?  Any other suggestions?

And that is a glimpse of one specific area of my life I've been working to cultivate!  For more about how I find the time to read this much in the midst of normal, busy life (raising a large family, homeschooling, doing ministry, and juggling regular pregnancies/newborns), check out this post.  (The end of the post also contains links to all of my past reading lists since I started keeping track in 2010!  If you're curious.)

Did you read anything good last year?  Any recommendations you'd make?  Any reading goals you're setting for 2019?

snow day, snow play.

Friday morning, I had big plans to run some errands with the kids after lunch.  Not only did we have some things I needed to pick up from Menards, but I had added incentive.  Laurelai hadn't been feeling well earlier in the week, Rocco had been extra clingy, and Callista is in the challenging stage of dropping a nap/teething/turning into a toddler.  I kind of needed to leave the house.

But right as we were getting ready to leave, it started snowing.  Big, fat, wet, beautiful flakes.  I knew immediately we wouldn't be going anywhere - we'd be able to make it to our destination, but I knew we wouldn't make it home easily.  We live on a steep, low-traffic hill, at the crest of an even steeper, higher-traffic hill, and Columbia is terrible about snow removal.  (I would say it's because we typically get so little snow down here, but Cedar Falls was also terrible about snow removal, and we got so much snow there.  The cynic in me is convinced it's more a matter of poor city management, but what do I know about these things?)  I knew there would be no salt or sand put down, no plows coming through, and I wasn't committed to trying to walk all the kids up the hills once our van inevitably got stuck at the bottom, so we stayed home.

It's a good thing we did - about an hour later, Todd texted to say his office was letting out early for the weather (which cracks me up because I'm still an Iowan at heart, and there is NO WAY a business this size in Iowa would ever admit weakness in the face of precipitation).  He was headed home.

By Friday night, we were completely snowed in.  It continued snowing all through the night, and all through Saturday.  By Saturday night, so much snow was sitting on the power lines and breaking branches in the neighborhood that we had a power outage (and although it had been snowing for nearly 36 hours at that point, no plows had been through, so hope was pretty nonexistent that the electric company could get here).  Of course I had thawed a bunch of shrimp for stir fry, and of course we have an electric range, so I was annoyed that all the shrimp was going to go bad before I could cook it, because seafood is my main concern in times of crisis.  Plus, I had nothing to cook for the kids, who were already squirrelly and hungry.  So I pulled out leftover cheese board items - Cheese Board Saves the Day Again!

Shortly after the lights came on.  The meager light (and the paraffin wax headache) (and the countless opportunities for toddlers to burn the whole place down) that these candles provided made me realize we need to invest in some kind of battery-operated light source.

It continued snowing overnight, and church was cancelled Sunday morning.  SUCH a long stretch of being stuck inside!  The snow did finally stop, after dropping SEVENTEEN INCHES on us.  

That's a lot of snow for anywhere, but it's unheard of here.  We got more snow in this single snowfall than we've gotten the last three winters, plus the snowfall we'd already gotten earlier this winter, combined.  So much snow.

BUT, it was perfect snow - wet, heavy, sticky, easily compacted - and it was in the 30's outside, so it was great weather to play in.  The kids got outside, and Todd headed out front to start shoveling out the van. 

I told Todd that our yard actually looks nice for once - the layer of toys and random kid detritus that normally litters the yard, along with the bald mud patches and the deep craters created by the kids, were all evenly covered with snow.  This photo seems to reflect my happiness at that fact.

Penelope spent her time building a snowman version of our family: Dad, pregnant Mom, and six kids.  Eventually, SnowMama must've gone into labor, as she added a tiny little Snowball (complete with baby carrot nose) to SnowMama's stick arms.  ADORABLE.

Hard to see, but we're all accounted for.

SnowMama holding Snowball.

 

Penelope excavated the trike from under the drifts, and Rocco made an attempt at riding it.  Huge, giant, massive fail.  He just sank into the snow and then tipped over.  And then cried when they couldn't really get him disentangled, so he was just kind of stuck and floundering and miserable.

He stuck pretty close to the house after that.  "Mommy, will you keep a eye on me?  Da snow is da deepiest."

For reference, here are a few pictures illustrating the true depth of the snow:

The shocking depth of the snow pile on top of the grill, once they started clearing it off.

Todd did finally dig us out, and went and got provisions.  By yesterday morning, the roads were clear enough to venture out with the kids, so we ran a few errands.  It was good to get out of the house, but the kids are glad the snow seems to be sticking around.  They'll have a few more days to play in it, and I'll have a few more days of wrestling them into and out of their snow gear - huzzah!

'what's up' weekly.

GUYS.  IT HAS BEEN ANOTHER WEEK.  Yet again, I find myself completely bemused at the ordinary passing of time.  After 32 years, you'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm starting to suspect I'm always going to be taken off-guard.  And further, I will probably always point out to you just how surprising I find it.  So prepare yourself for that.  (Or, don't, and join me in the surprise each week that nothing ever changes, really.)

Reading the days (and nights) away, just like always.

You will likely not be shocked that, in my opinion, we had a great week.  We kickstarted the weekend last Friday night with a movie-and-popcorn party with friends.  The wife had never seen The Muppets Christmas Carol (I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?) and we felt the need to remedy that.  So we trucked the kids over there, and we all sat around on blankets, eating popcorn and M&M's and reveling in the surpassing glory that is Sir Michael Kane serenading Kermit the Frog.

On Saturday, we kept the party up by having another couple of friends over for tacos and a viewing of The Princess Bride.  (Again, the wife had never seen it.  WHAT IS OUR WORLD TODAY THAT PEOPLE ARE REACHING ADULTHOOD WITHOUT ADEQUATE TRAINING?  As a mother, I just couldn't let this sweet girl continue on in her ignorance without swooping in to nourish her with the sweet, sweet nectar of Andre the Giant punching an albino in the head.)  We have big plans for Nacho-Nacho Noche soon - they'll bring the fancy nachos, we'll supply the Nacho Libre.

On Sunday, Todd woke up with a raging migraine.  He still hadn't been back to 100% after battling that virus earlier in the week.  So we stayed home from church and had a sloooow, restful day.  I took a nap on the couch at 11 a.m., like a winner.  We watched a sermon clip or two, sang worship songs together, and had cereal for dinner.  It was wonderful.

On Monday, I went all Joshua on the Christmas decorations, and spent all day marching my huge pregnant self around the house until all the Christmas crap came DOWN.  The tree got chucked to the curb, the ornaments got sorted and boxed (thanks entirely to Penelope, my precious angel and favorite oldest daughter), and my living room regained some breathing room - and a bunch of walking room.  (We do not live in a large house, and the tree alone takes up SO MUCH SPACE.)  I just love, love, love the Christmas season, and I just love, love, love the day when all the Christmas décor gets put back in storage.  It's a good time of year.

Tuesday was a wonderful day.  I'm not sure if you remember, but our follow-up ultrasound was scheduled that day.  Long story short, if you missed the previous post, our first U/S found some concerning markers for genetic abnormalities and intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR).  We had a blood test run, and while it ruled out the possibility of the most common chromosomal abnormalities, we were still anxious in prayer to see how the baby's growth has progressed over the last four weeks, and what markers (if any) would continue to show themselves.

Well.  Let me just say that God has answered our prayers in amazing and abundant ways.  All markers have disappeared.  She has grown from being in the 9th percentile to the 31st, which is really, really miraculous.  The femur measurement that indicated a possible chromosome abnormality is now normal.  And while the nuchal fold measurement that was causing a lot of concern before was not re-measured (they said they don't measure that after 22 weeks), we're really not all that worried about it a this point.  All signs point to a healthy, run-of-the-mill baby.  (And, as IUGR is no longer a concern, there is no more talk of pressuring me into induction at 38 weeks, which is honestly what was stressing me out the most about all of this.)

While I wish there hadn't been cause for all the worry, I am so grateful to see God's hand so intimately in our lives, and to have the opportunity to have my faith strengthened and my character shaped through trial and stress.  I'm also grateful for the little added bonus of getting the opportunity for a 4D ultrasound photo!

(Please ignore the giant mass of placenta obstructing the view of my beautiful daughter's face.)

To further elevate Tuesday, I finally, finally got in to US Cellular to get my crappy phone switched over to a better one.  It was time.  I've been putting it off forever, since hauling all the kids in there is just not my idea of a picnic, and with Christmas season being upon us, I'd basically hermited myself away anyway.  But I needed to call Roto-Rooter (our plumbing in this house is really finnicky, and once a year we need to have the main line snaked out or we get sewage back-up in our shower!  HOORAY!) but I was putting it off because I knew I wouldn't be able to hear anything.  You know your phone is way past its prime when you'd rather risk scoop strangers' poop off the floor of your shower than use the phone to call the plumber.  So I went in.

So anyway.  I have a new phone.  I am very excited - I can send texts longer than 160 characters, all the letters are available to me to use, I can receive photos and links via text, and I am slowly but surely learning the significance of the difference between a blue text bubble and a green text bubble.  However, because my old phone was so old, the machine they had at the store that is supposed to be able to transfer contacts from one phone to another didn't work in my case - it didn't even recognize my old one as a phone, so I'm on the hook for manually entering every last number into my new phone.  Fun project.

Wednesday, Laurelai woke up with a fever, so our trip to the Amish was taxing for her.  I'd peek at her in the rear-view mirror to see her all draped in her seat, looking like death warmed over.  Poor girl.  We laid low the rest of the day.  In the evening, Penelope and I made an EPIC grocery shopping run, after more than three weeks since our last trip.

Yesterday, we finally got around to completing our Term 1 exams, which was weeks overdue, but whatever.  It finally happened, and the kids did so great.  I also started Callista on a dairy-free, gluten-free trial run to see if that helps her perpetually explosive guts regain some equilibrium.

Risky move, giving Callista belly-raspberries right after her bath and before her diaper was back on. 

Which brings us to today again!  Whew!  I'm now 26 weeks along, and making a fresh effort at Trim Healthy Mama-ing.  I'm sure I will feel great soon, but the sugar-deprivation-headache is knocking me down right now.  No specific cravings at the moment, though I wouldn't slap a plate of crab legs away if the opportunity presented itself.  TONS of painful Braxton-Hicks contractions and round ligament spasms, and the baby is getting bigger and putting a lot of pressure on my lungs, making it difficult to breathe.  Oh, the joys of pregnancy.  Ha!  But really, in all honesty, pregnancy is so short-lived in the grand scheme of things, and the payoff is so wonderful (and eternal!).  It makes it a lot easier to keep a good attitude about things when I adjust my perspective.

And that was our week!

how to REALLY take care of yourself. (part 1)

On Tuesday, I got a bit spicy and doled out my thoughts on our culture's current mantra of "self-care! self-care! self-care!"  To sum it up, the world is shallow, selfish, and ignorant, and wants to convince us to be, too.  To put it bluntly.

But dismantling the "weak points" (ahem, lies) of the current cultural perspective doesn't cover all that needs to be said on the topic of self-care.  It's time to take the TRUTH at the heart of it all, well, to heart.  So let's look at the Bible and form our worldview from there.

First of all, the Bible states that we are made in the image of God.  We have been entrusted with no small task when it comes to caring for something so precious to him.  Further, as women, we are uniquely equipped and called to cultivate and nourish life - especially that of our husbands and kids, and then, in the same way, ourselves.  What you would deem most important for your kids' development, prioritize for yourself - cultivate the life you've been given.

God wants what's best for you.  He wants and loves to fill you up and equip you to do the work you've been made to do.  But he has specific ways of doing this that differ deeply from what the world says will fill you up.

He has said a lot on the topic, so we'll jump right into a few right away.  If you want to truly care for yourself in a way that actually restores you...


- Read your Bible.

You didn't think I'd write a post on Biblical self-care and not include actually reading the Bible, did you?  Of course you didn't.  Here's the thing: a lot of moms have a hard time disciplining themselves in this area, myself included.  Reasons/excuses abound.  But here's the truth: Jesus tells us that "Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God." (Matt 4:4)  I need food, and I don't make excuses for why I don't have to eat today.  I know I need it, and so I do it - sometimes with a level of excitement, sometimes simply because I know it's necessary for my survival and well-being.  But Jesus is saying that, as much as we need food, we need God's word.

Here's an easy challenge: just pick up the Bible and read it.  You don't have to have a yearly reading plan in place.  You don't have to be absolutely certain you'll understand everything you read.  You don't have to guarantee that you'll be 100% consistent from here on out for the rest of your life.  That's okay.  Just eat the meal you're aching for - right now.  And then pick it up again later, because you'll be hungry again later.  You cannot be whole and healed without the indwelling presence of God, and he is known through his revealed Word.  Let him start restoring you, strengthening you, and empowering you through his Word for the life he has called you to carry.

"Quiet time" at our house is rarely quiet.  I would love some more protected time, but I'm just not in a season of life where that's possible right now.  But when I lower my expectations, I'm able to keep in mind that even a LITTLE bit of reading, a LITTLE bit of retention, is better than none.  It's not ideal, but I am learning I can't wait around until life is ideal.

- Spend time in prayer.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  (Phil 4:6-7)  Why do we spend so much time feeling exhausted and worried and out of control of our lives, and yet forget to rest in the presence of the only One who is in control of anything, asking for his help, guidance, and comfort?  Prayer is connection with the Life source that gave you life and sustains your life.  The Bible explicitly states that the outcome of turning over our heaviness in prayer is peace - peace that makes no sense in light of what we're facing in our circumstances.

Martin Luther said, "I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer."  The more you juggle, the more time you need in prayer.  Making it an afterthought deprives you of the very thing you most need.

- Find a mentor.

In Titus 2, we see Paul charge older women with the task of training the younger women in what we can assume he deems a concise summary of the most important things: "To love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."  Basically, Paul wants you to nurture these things: your character development, and your relationships with your husband, your kids, your home, and a mentor to teach you about these things.  A relationship with an older (godly, Biblically-minded) woman is a necessity for your growth and training.  Seeking one out, and gleaning all you can from her, will feed you in a way mom groups and girls' nights and Facebook groups full of peers can't.


- Talk with your husband about the Bible.

Ephesians 5 tells us that Christ cleanses his bride, the Church, by washing her in the water of the Word, in order to present her "without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."  Immediately thereafter, Paul says, "IN THE SAME WAY husbands should love their wives as their own bodies."  Now, obviously, the command here is to husbands - but the assumption is that the wife is receptive toward being washed.  Are we in vibrant communication with our husbands about the truest Truths?  Are we hearing his thoughts and taking his counsel and receiving these gestures as tokens of his love for us?  There is cleansing and wholeness and true nourishment in this.


- Find ways to serve others.

In seasons of exhaustion and periods of feeling overwhelmed, it is so very easy to turn inward and think only of getting our own needs met.  But we forget that the Bible would tell us that serving others is a very real need in us - we were made for this.  Galatians 6:2 tells us to "bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."  We can't fulfill our calling and be our most whole selves while we're neglecting others.  It's funny how it works.

So when we're feeling the pain points of needing to have something poured into us, that is a cue to remember that the same need exists in others, too - and in serving others, we ourselves are filled up.  We can't do this from our own strength, that's for certain.  But Christ will empower you and bless you in these efforts, and you'll find yourself filled in a way you couldn't be if you had been singularly focused on yourself.



I said it already, and I'll say it again: the Bible is not silent on self-care.  God actually cares a great deal about whether we're finding rest and refreshment and nourishment.  In fact, he has so much to say on the topic that I'm only halfway through the few I wanted to highlight!  Next week, I'll cover a few especially physical, 'earthy' ways to care for ourselves.

the sinister side of self-care.

Hoo, buddy.  Self care.  Topic of the masses, am I right?  I feel like I can't throw a rock these days without hitting fourteen people who are doling out some kind of advice about taking care of ourselves as moms, and another thousand people crowded around those people, nodding along sagely.  It's starting to get annoying - for one thing, all I wanted to do was throw a rock, and now I'm faced with addressing all these knuckleheads.  Can't a person just innocently throw a rock around anymore?

There's so much to say on this, so I'm going to have to just keep things short and sweet: the world will always speak to us in half-truths, and if we're not discerning, Bible-saturated women, we won't know where the truth stops and the lies begin.  We will eat whatever garbage they feed us as long as it tastes like the chocolate of truth.

So, to clarify, here's the true part of the push for self-care: we absolutely must, as Christian women and Christian moms, be taking care of ourselves.  We cannot neglect this.  Our bodies, minds, and spirits need to be nurtured, and the nurturing of any person - be it our husbands, our children, or ourselves - takes great amounts of time, attention, and intentionality.  I'll get more into this later this week.

Now, for the teensy little problem of the lies.  The problem is that the world assumes we are not taking care of ourselves.  The problem is that the world sees our capacity for nurture as a limited resource, and when we give care to others, we are by default draining and robbing from ourselves.  The problem is that the world prescribes and demands a regimen of self-care that actually deepens our needs, rather than filling them.

I'll make this easy: this is lying to you.

Let's address these lies one at a time:

The lie: assuming we are not already caring for ourselves.

First, we see that the Bible explicitly says, "For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church."  (Eph 5:29) Or, to state it in the positive, "For everyone always loves his own flesh..."  According to the Bible, every single one of us is caring for ourselves in the way that Christ cares for the church: sacrificially, whole-heartedly, affectionately, single-mindedly.  We are our own top priority.  Already.  Without exception.  We don't need to be encouraged or taught or trained to do this.  In fact, the Bible would insist that what we really need to be trained to do is to love others as much as we already love ourselves. (Luke 6:31)

Now, we'll dig deeper into this in just a minute, but we need to understand that, while our methods of caring for ourselves might be completely missing the mark, our goals and our efforts are all naturally aimed at "ME FIRST!"  While we may need to be trained to think Biblically about what caring for ourselves should realistically look like, we don't need to be convinced to care for ourselves, and no one is currently neglecting their attempts toward that end.


The lie: we should drink from the bucket of our own service, energy, and love before ladling anything out to others, or we will become drained.  

What's especially insidious about this particular lie is that it, by default, sets up a false reality of competition: my resources go to either me, or others.  This gets especially dark in the realm of family: essentially, it is me against my kids.  When I buy this lie, it becomes so much easier to believe that I am a whole, complete person, defined apart from my family and my role as a mother - and further, I'm drained by my obligation to care for my family, and my only way back to my 'true self' is to keep the distinction between myself and everyone else clear in my mind: "We are not an inherent and inseparable unit; I was not made for this.  These adorable little parasites bleed me dry of my 'true self,' which I am only able to find and nurture when I hardline the distinction between who I am ("glorious, individual ME!!") and what I do (mother as a verb, wamp wamp)."

The truth is that, in serving others through the capability and capacity of the Holy Spirit, we actually find our true purpose, our deepest earthly fulfillment, and our life's work.  I am not a self apart from the fact that I am a mother; in fact, mothering makes me more truly 'me.'  I cannot seek to find myself in some fake reality that doesn't accommodate the fact that I am a mother; I don't just do motherhood.  I cannot care for my truest self if I am not caring for those that God has given me - in fact, I do myself harm if my definition of self-care is somehow exclusive of actively caring for them.

The Bible tells us that our lives are found in losing them.  (Matt 16:25)  The Bible says that if our goal is to be first, our strategy must be to place ourselves last in the line for a drink from the bucket - to become "the servant of all."  (Mark 9:35)  Sure, we can still stand in the line!  But we subjugate our 'me first!' tendencies to the priority of serving others by taking our place at the end of the line.  In fact, I really can't think of a single place in the Bible where the admonition is to look out for Number One before serving Number Two.  God is ALL ABOUT Number Two.

And do you know why we can orient our lives this way?  Because he also promises that he will give us what we need to meet the needs of others and ourselves.  That he will care for us and meet our needs, even if we take our eyes off ourselves and our own scrabbling for a hot second.  We are not giving up our access to fulfillment when we concern ourselves with the care of others; it is one of the main ways God shows us how capable he is to meet our deepest needs, without our help, and more fully than we can do on our own.


The lie: that the meeting of our deepest needs for care and nourishment can be found through avenues of entitlement and escapism.

Often, the world's answer to our need for nourishment come in one of these two forms.

Entitlement often takes the form of gross self-indulgence.  It looks different for every person, but spending resources (time, money, energy) on low-tier priorities seems to be a major element of this.  Demanding appreciation, indulging in self-pity, and/or developing an inflated sense of martyrdom are also manifestations. (Self-centeredness is always self-worship, even if it looks like self-abasement.)

Entitlement robs from us, and actually intensifies our need for true care and nourishment, because nothing earthside can ever be enough to fill the hole.  It can't be.  If we're expecting, for instance, a weekend away with our girlfriends to fix the exhaustion we feel as moms, two days at a hotel will do nothing other than highlight how much we hate coming home to washing our own sheets and cooking our own food and making our own beds.  If we expect the fruit of self-indulgence to fill some deep hole in our deepest selves, we're to be pitied, because it can't do anything other than highlight how big that hole is, and we walk away hungrier than we were before.

Escapism is another form of commonly accepted "self-care" that is actually deeply harming.  Running away, physically or mentally, from our lives and our responsibilities through complaining ("just venting!"), relationally checking out, laziness, making excuses, refusing to accept and implement godly counsel from others, or spending hours on social media (to name a few strategies) won't fix our problems, either.  If we're not people who learn to 'bear up under' the weight of burdens, learning to become completely dependent on God's provision to enable us to endure and thrive, our problems seem to just follow us.  Life never actually gets easier or more enjoyable, no matter how far we run, because we're the kind of people who don't actually know how to tackle difficulty or joyfully embrace the cost of an abundant life.



SO.  There is a very, very broadbrush view of the lies you are being asked to swallow when you throw in your lot with the Pinterest board fodder telling you to take care of yourself.  Pinterest has a lot to say about how to care for yourself, much of which is founded upon the lies I mentioned and others.  However, the Bible also has a lot to say about how to take care of yourself, all of which is founded on truth and God's love for you and his genuine care for your truest well-being.  So, to not just leave you with a big old list of the garbage you shouldn't be eating, tomorrow or Thursday I'll be back with truth about the glorious manna you should be consuming and nourishing yourself with - things you can do that will provide actual restorative comfort and care to your deepest, truest self.