But I think the thing that has been even more surprising and disorienting as I've parented longer is that I am never fully equipped for the job at hand. I am always navigating something new, functioning at maximum capacity, and finding myself in uncomfortably deep water. While certain logistics of mothering have become easier for me with time and practice, other things have become more difficult and confusing. I find that as my kids get older and more numerous, I become more in need of help and support, not less.
I feel like less of an expert now than I did when I only had a few young kids. I have been surprised by this. What no one tells you is that every mom, everywhere, needs help and advice, whether they know it or not. No one has it entirely figured out.
I have always been a reader, but a few years ago I realized I needed to be intentional in seeking out godly older women to look to for parenting examples and advice. Because we were new to our area and our church is very young, I had to start out by choosing a few authors to learn from while I prayed and waited for flesh-and-blood women to come into my daily life.
So when we installed bookshelves in our dining room last year, I dedicated a shelf to The Moms, so I could always have their counsel close at hand.
I chose books on Christian parenting, prayer, housekeeping, homeschooling, and Bible study, as well as autobiographical books about family life by women I admire. This has been an indescribable blessing in the short time I've had it!
The Shelf of Moms.
So today I thought I'd share with you some of my favorite authors, and my favorite works by each. I am working on reading whole 'canons' by these women, to get as round a picture as possible of their lives and advice.
If you're wanting a quick, concise list of my top picks, without all my commentary on each one, scroll to the bottom. And just a heads up, these are affiliate links, but no pressure to purchase through these links!
I cannot begin with anyone but Edith Schaeffer. Her worldview ministry, her dedication to prayer, her passion for homekeeping and family (even in less-than-ideal circumstances) have changed me so much for the better. She constantly comes up in conversation - "Edith says..." is part of near-daily conversation in our house.
FAR from a complete set of her works, but I'm slowly working on accumulating and reading more each year.
I will warn you, her writing style is unique, and the first few chapters of each book take a bit of commitment, but it's worth it in the end. If you want to start reading some Edith, I highly recommend L'Abri, which is autobiographical, or The Hidden Art of Homemaking, which is a philosophical, theological and practical treatise on beauty and the importance and how-to of keeping a home. SOOO GOOD.
Note: I also love reading work by her other family members, which gives an even rounder picture of their home and thought life. Her husband, Francis Schaeffer, was a prolific author and influential theologian. I am beginning to work my way through his books as well. Her daughter, Susan Schaeffer Macaulay wrote a treatise on Charlotte Mason education titled, "For the Children's Sake".
My other favorite go-to author is Sally Clarkson, whom I just love. (Also, she loves Edith, so I love her even more for that.) Sally Clarkson's books are so helpful, encouraging, and challenging for me, since I'm not a super relationally-oriented person. I need help knowing how to love people well, and she is great at teaching that explicitly and by her own example.
If you want to start with some Sally, I recommend The Mission of Motherhood.
Moving on to topics, rather than authors, I have needed help in the areas of housekeeping and organization. Many of the books I've read on the topic have been checked out from the library and returned, but these are the ones I found worth owning.
My favorites in this genre are Sidetracked Home Executives, which walks you through how to set up an index card system for taking care of responsibilities daily, weekly, monthly and seasonally; and Organizing from the Inside Out (not pictured), which helps you figure out how to keep organized based on YOUR personal wiring - what works for someone else might not work for you, and this book addresses that.
If you read this, please ignore the chapter on how one of the authors 'organized' her marriage/life by getting a divorce! Also, lots of cheesy illustrations in this one.
I don't do a ton of reading on homeschooling - I get to maaaaybe one book a year on the topic, though I do think I should add one or two more to that this year. But I find that if I'm educating myself by reading in other areas, I feel less of a need to spend a ton of time reading how-to's. If education is really just learning how to properly order your affections, then reading in areas of top priority (fiction, theology, biography, homemaking, parenting) educates me, which equips me to educate the kids, without needing to spend a ton of time engrossing myself in school-specific reading.
However, if I'm going to recommend you spend time reading one book on homeschooling, it would be this one, hands-down! Teaching from Rest, by Sarah Mackenzie.
In fact, it was in this book that I received the challenge to pick an author-mentor each year to learn from, which has proved to be great advice!
On the topic of general parenting how-to's, I completely recommend these two books IN PARTNERSHIP. (Shepherding a Child's Heart, and Give Them Grace.) They give excellent, very practical help for questions on discipline and grace-based parenting. (Did you know discipline and grace are not opposed to one another?! Well, you do now.)
Babywise is another practical parenting book I do recommend, but not without someone you know and trust (who has themselves used Babywise more than once or twice) walking you through it as you read and have questions. I'd be happy to be that person for you!
In the 'family autobiography' category, I recommend "L'Abri," by Edith Schaeffer (the missionary autobiography of their family of six moving to Switzerland and working together as a family to minister to hundreds - eventually thousands - of people who came to their home); "The Shaping of a Christian Family," by Elisabeth Elliot (the autobiography of growing up as one of six children in a close, solid believing family), and "In My Father's House," by Corrie Ten Boom (the story of how her father shaped her into the woman she eventually became famous for being).
And lastly, on the throne for being the singlemost influential book in my mothering and being a wife, I present you with "A Woman After God's Own Heart," by Elizabeth George. I read this in a book club shortly after getting married, and have read it probably five or six times since then. I think of the advice and examples in this book so often. If you only have time to read one book this year, make this the one!
WHEW! Are you still with me? If not, I understand. If so, you deserve a ribbon and probably some wine.
To recap, here are my favorite books to start with, if you're needing a little inspiration:
Give Them Grace: Dazzling your Kids with the Love of Jesus by Elise Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson
A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George (<--This is the one I'd recommend you read if you're only going to read one!)
Annnnnnnnnnd there you have it. My (long) shortlist of books that have meant the most to me in my mothering and homekeeping.
This one absolutely has the potential to be a perennial re-read. Biblical, practical and refreshing. I'd absolutely recommend it to anyone who homeschools, or is considering homeschooling, regardless of method.
I've sung the praises of this book before, but I can't recommend it more highly. With the scope of an historian, the passion of a senator, and the vested interest of a parent, Ben Sasse covers the history and trajectory of adolescence and adulthood in America (including the role of public schools), and offers tons of practical help in catching a vision for our kids as they grow to adulthood. I am so excited to read this again soon.
While this isn't a how-to parenting book, it's a really beautiful look into Elisabeth Elliot's childhood, her parents' marriage, and how they raised their six kids. I just love the close-up look at a couple worth emulating, who loved God and each other, and whose children all grew up to dedicate their lives to sacrificial service.
I know I am getting annoying with how much I rave about this book, but I just love his writing. He's definitely not a Christian, and he uses profanity, so there's that heads up (or incentive?) if you need it. But the storytelling and humor are excellent. I'm looking forward to reading more by him in the upcoming year! I've already checked out every single book of his my library has...
I don't even know how to describe this. I don't even know how to summarize the plot without giving anything away. So all I'll say is this: it was really moving, and I just loved it.