i suppose it had to happen sometime.

I've told you before about my seriously janky teeth.  When God put the teeth in my mouth, I feel like he was kind of like, "Let's put one here... Okay.  Now, how about one over here?... Sure.  Now what about a couple over there?  Yeah, that could probably work." 

I spent seven years in braces and active orthodontia, and when I was finally 'done' at the age of 14, they handed me a retainer and sent me on my way.

We scheduled this sweet photo sesh to commemorate my crowning achievements at the time: my freshly straightened teeth, and the fact that I could rock this clarinet like a boss.  Doodly doodly doo.

Clearly, Crest Whitestrips had not been invented yet.  That's okay; in this killer band uniform, no one was looking at my teeth anyway.

I have worn that same retainer nearly every night for the last seventeen years.  It's disgusting and discolored and falling apart, but my teeth visibly shift after only one night without it, so it has remained a constant companion through all these years.  I have held it closer to me than a clarinet (i.e., relaxed grip but never far from the chest).

Except that now I've lost it.  (My retainer, not my clarinet.)

I haven't been able to find it since last Friday morning.  I seriously have no idea what happened to it - I got up to make breakfast, took it out to brush my teeth... and I haven't seen it since.  Best case scenario, it's just taking a little breather somewhere in the house and will turn up again once it feels it's gotten a little space.  (It probably finds me relationally needy.)  Worst case scenario, Rocco found it somewhere around and decided to throw it in the garbage.

My teeth are already seriously messed up - one of my front teeth is starting to jut out, all the upper teeth on my right side are starting to shift in, and my tongue is now resting between my bite in back.  They ache from having shifted so far, so quickly.  And I'm ticked.

I mean, seriously.  I have had this thing for seventeen years.  I have taken it on two international vacations.  I have moved into three dorm rooms, two apartments, and three houses.  I have taken it with me to the hospital six times for the delivery of each kiddo.  It gets packed for every single overnight stay.  I have been nothing but the very picture of responsibility and straight-toothedness.  And then I decide to make breakfast one day in my own freaking house, and it disappears.

So it looks like I'll be calling a local orthodontist to have molds of my teeth cast, and a new retainer made.  I get to pay hundreds of dollars to get my teeth to (hopefully) look no different than they used to.  (I mean, whiter than they used to.  But no less straight.)

Apparently my tenth anniversary gift to Todd will be the gift of a normal-looking wife and a smaller bank account.  Happy anniversary, Todd!

(In all seriousness, will you please pray with me that I find this thing?)