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not me monday

(started by mckmama)

..i did not travel to arizona and forget to tell most people we were leaving. i absolutely did not make a bunch of plans in town for the week we were gone.

..while in arizona, i did not clog my mother in-law's toilet the very first morning. i also did not take my wonderful husband up on his offer to take the fall for it. my mother in-law did not have to go across the street to borrow a plunger from the neighbor. i did not leave arizona without ever owning up to it, and i did not allow my husband to take crap all week for having plugged up the toilet.

..i did not, multiple times, compare myself to angelina jolie or my child to shiloh simply because we couldn't even get to the car without atticus being inundated with adoration from the neighbors. (todd's parents live in a 50+ community.)

..i did not carry my child in a shoulder sling for the duration of most of the trip and completely throw my back out. i also did not eat with the sling on, nor did i drop such things as ranch dressing, bacon bits, onion rings, tortilla chips, or the breading from chicken fingers onto my child's head.

..i also did not gorge myself on things like ranch dressing, bacon bits, onion rings, tortilla chips, or chicken fingers.

..i did not have a difficult time hearing the waiter at TGIFriday's, only to ask todd what he said and receiving the answer, "something about the south rising again."

..i did not find myself nursing my child while sitting, fully clothed, on a nasty toilet in the airport.

..i did not eat a half a pound of bacon -by myself - for breakfast yesterday morning, nor did i totally crave meat, cheese, and chocolate the entire time we were gone. i did not eat summer sausage and cheese for most breakfasts.

..i did not get excited to see how much snot i could suck from my poor sick child's nose.

..i did not hear myself say, "that way, at least only one stranger will see my boob instead of the whole plane."

..(grossness warning) i did not change my child's diaper, put on hand sanitizer, then go to put lotion on the kiddo, only to realize (not a moment too soon) that i should not put lotion on his face while i still have that tiny piece of poop on my finger. i did not learn my lesson that hand sanitizer is not the same as a good ol' washing.

2 comments :

Team Dewhurst said...

Wow!! Sounds like an action packed trip! :-) You'll have to let me know how it is to travel with little kids. We are flying to Wyoming in July. Did you take your carseat? How did that all work?

Danielle said...

lol oh paige! you are too funny!!