w.u.w.: in which i post entirely too many photos of our new fish.

this week, the big kids both got new glasses.  penelope's are Hello Kitty, and she calls them her MeowMeowHeart glasses.

atticus got tortoise shell frames, and they make melt.  how awesome/adorable/smoochable does he look in them?!?!  very.  although, he does look a bit like fuller from home alone, doesn't he?

for christmas, todd and i got the kids a fish tank, and on saturday we took the kids to walmart to pick out their fish.  (sorry for the photo of a phone photo.  also, the girl in the photo isn't me; it's a sales associate named demi that penelope lovingly referred to as 'hey you.'  also, i'm really hoping that this fish ownership experience doesn't turn out like the last.)

we bought them, then zipped the baggie of fish up in a baby sweater so we could leave them in the car while we went to target to browse for a while.  luckily none of them died, or we'd be out 28 cents.

once we got them home and adapted to the temp of the fish tank, we all spent a really unreasonable amount of time watching at them float around like the lovable, buoyant idiots that they are.  why it's so intriguing, i can't say; i just know i still go in there sometimes just to watch them do their non-thing.  

i had hypothetical money riding on the likelihood that laurelai's fish would end up kicking the sandbucket, since she was pretty traumatized by the move, and still seems a bit too stupid to figure out how to eat.  but by some miracle, she's still alive, so that's good.

i asked the kids what they wanted to name their fish.  atticus' (the orange and black one) is named Gunnar, after my friend michelle's son.  penelope's (the orange and white one) is named Ally, after a college student we've gotten to know and love.  finneas' (the all-orange one) is named Arthur, and i'm not even kidding that finneas picked it out all by himself.  he really is a card when it comes to naming stuff.  and laurelai's (the all-white one) was named Lucy by penelope.  i think she came up with the name from the charlie brown christmas movie.

whenever i see the following photo, i start singing, 'when you're a jet, you're a jet all the way...'  they look like they're patrolling their waters right good.  i'd be intimidated if they weren't actually less scary than a couple of nickels with tails.

in normal-people, non-fish-obsessed news, this little lady turned four months old!

i painted her toenails in celebration.  (actually, i ended up painting pretty much her entire toes and then having to give her a bath to get all the undesired nail polish off of her skin.)

i'll do a whole laurelai post next week and let you know what she's been up to.

on new year's eve, we spent the night at paul and jenni's.  it was so fun - there was a fire going and tons of food.  we stayed up until midnight, watching the fantastic mr. fox and waiting for the ball to drop.  (the kids went to bed earlier, obviously, and laurelai slept from 9:30 until 6:00 the next morning! it was like a dick clark miracle.)

the next morning, we all sat around the fire, drinking coffee and watching the rose parade, and i made my famous looks-like-slop, tastes-like-heaven, make-ahead oatmeal.

and why does todd have a pervert 'stache?  well, i'll have to tell you about that next week.  but until then, you're looking good, sweet thang.

(in this photo, he looks less like a pervert and more like he should be wearing some of those really high waisted boxing pants and saying, 'puddum up, puddum up!')

HAPPY NO BEARD, YALL!

like jeans on an hourglass, these are the days of my life.

well, readers, it's official: according to target jeans sizing, i'm now officially a 'curvy' girl.  since having laurelai, i have not lost the baby weight.  in fact, i've gained it back and then some - as in, i weigh more now than i did at 42 weeks pregnant.  not sure why, i just know that's what has happened.

and i would love to be able to say that i'm consistently confident that it's christ who determines my value and beauty, not the world's standard of 'ideal.'  i know in my head that what i'm comparing myself to is a bunch of new-mom celebrities who have combo c-section/liposuction surgeries.  that changes and uniquenesses in size and shape are valued by god, not condescended.  that it's likely a postpartum season and not how i'll end up looking foreverandeveramen.  and even if i do end up permanently looking differently than i used to, that god values motherhood and designed it in part to change women for their betterment and sanctification, so maternal body changes are actually a beautiful thing to god.

but you know what?  i'm not consistently believing those truths.  i'm struggling with my body image.

so it leaves me questioning, who am i if i'm not who i've always been? what do people think when they see me - are they surprised?  do they pity me or something, since they know how i used to look?  and it just kind of ... stinks, you know?

and i'm really guessing i'm not alone in having feelings like this.  so i figured i'd not only share my struggles with it, but also tell you i'm attempting to fight those lies.

*my beauty and worth do not change when my body does.  god is good, loving, constant, and does not condemn anyone who is in christ.  i am striving for something that i already have.

*when i get wrapped up in thinking about what i look like, it makes me less likely to be thinking of others.  when i don't want to invite people over because they'll see me in the only pair of sweatpants that still fit, i'm putting my own self-image in a place that prevents me from serving and loving and considering others, which is the sin of self-worship and it's idolatry.  i've actually noticed a drastic decrease in the amount of time i spend thinking about other people and their prayer concerns as my time thinking about myself has increased.

*i should revere what god thinks, not what people think.  do i really think god looks down and sees chubbiness as my defining characteristic, or that he's criticizing my weight?  no.  so what if i assume the gay guy behind the customer service desk at target thinks i look dumpy?  so what?

*trial and discomfort and struggles are good things.  god says explicitly in scripture that difficult things are blessings.  privileges.  they push me to cling to god, to cling to truth, to fight to cooperate with god's spirit that is growing me into a person that i couldn't be without him.  i don't want to be a comfortable, happy, stagnant christian.  i want to be like jesus, who had to suffer for god's glory and suffered well. 

*it's all about perspective.  jesus died on a cross. christians are being martyred across the world.  i just want to look like kim kardashian.  i think i've got the better end of that tribulation stick.

if you find yourself relating to believing any of the lies i mentioned, i'd encourage you to fight with me to believe truth.  first we have to hear it, then we have to choose to believe it's true even when our feelings want us to believe otherwise.  it's not enough to just admit we struggle or sin or fall - we should want to truly repent and allow god to use our trials to plant truth deeply in our hearts.  let's fight to be sturdy in the truth, not just solid in the body :).

here's how it really went down.

last week, i totally punted on telling you about our week. it involved christmas and millions of pictures and mentally processing everything and lalala. i just didn't want to deal. but here i am: back, and ready to face last week head-on, just like grown-ups do sometimes. look at me go!

first, let's talk about this bacon 'heart' i attempted the morning of christmas eve. it turned out more like a bacon 'lump.'  it still tasted awesome, but i will admit it's the most disappointed i've ever felt regarding a piece of bacon.

then this happened to penelope.  she got this dress as a hand-me-down from a friend a few weeks ago and has basically not taken it off since.  also, she's wearing one monster foot and one mitten and a hat.  yeah, i don't know.

growing up, on christmas eve, my mom would always allow us to open one present before going to bed.  it took me an embarrassing number of years to realize it was always pajamas.  i would get so excited to get to open a gift early, then so disappointed when it was just jammies - every year for years and years.  i have passed this fun/sad tradition down to my own kids, but they were surprisingly stoked to get jammies.  (when i told atticus they could open one present early, he responded, 'no, i don't want to open any presents tonight because then i won't have anything to open in the morning.'  WHAT?! what kind of benjamin button five-year-old am i raising?!)

before donning said jammies, we thought we'd scrub the kids down so their stench wouldn't drive santa away.  (haha, just kidding; we don't do santa.  and luckily for them, you can never stink badly enough that the baby jesus will stop loving you, but wow - it was time for a bath.)

after getting out of the tub, they got to dry off with these adorable bunny towels a dear friend made and sent to them:

THEN! CHRISTMAS MORNING!  it began slowly: i didn't even get the kids up until like 9:00.  they know to just play in their rooms until i come get them in the mornings, and i admit i've been pretty delinquent about it lately.  but you know what?!  i got to start christmas morning at 9:00, which is better than at the buttcrack of daytime like lots of families have to do, so i refuse to feel guilty.  (i do feel a little guilty, truth be told.)

once they got up, they had their cursory christmas 'ring around the rosy with Aunt' binge.  then we finished wrapping some gifts.  then i made some coffee.  then it was 10:30 and the kids starting opening gifts.  it was an amazingly laid back beginning to the ensuing chaos.

finneas got a Bonk Stick, which i found in the target dollar section.  basically, you hit stuff with it and it lights up and there could not possibly be a better gift for finn ever made.  he kept kissing it.

finneas also got a stuffed fox, whom he named neil.  (for those of you playing at home, he now has an alligator wearing a polo and golf pants, whom he named wesley, and a fox wearing a sport coat, whom he named neil.   his friends are quite the sophisticates in both name and dress.)

my mom made the big kids a puppet theater, and finneas did not hesitate to go headless over it.  (yes, yes, he lost his head.)

and to sum up christmas day, here's a photo of everyone crammajammed into our tiny house.  there are few things i love more than to be in my home on holidays, surrounded by people i love.  i love hosting celebrationy stuff and inviting everyone and their mom over.  this year we had a college student join us.  just know: if you're ever vagrant or in need/want of a place to visit on holidays, this lady is your hookup.

and finally, a day or two after christmas, we decorated a gingerbread house (or, as penelope called it, 'a jinglebread house.  a ninjabell house.  a gingerbinge house').  todd said it appears to be the gingerbread equivalent of a mobile home.  it does kind of look like the contractor was a bit drunk...

and that was Christmas Week.

(oh, and ps- thanks to all of you who sent christmas cards and letters!  we love hearing how everyone is doing, and what you've been up to, kind of like a blog on paper.  this year got totally away from us and i didn't get a letter of our own sent out, but don't give up on me! keep me on your mailing list and i'll try to do better next year!)

the laziest 'what's up weekly' in the history of 'what's up weekly.'

i'm still reeling from the christmas hullabaloo.  my house is a wreck, there are toys everywhere, and i really have not had motivation to remedy either of these situations.  i think i'll spend time over the weekend processing all that took place this week and post more about it on monday.

however, in the meantime, i will tell you that i really got into the christmas spirit by wearing this as i hosted christmas dinner:

video vednesday: you see that every other motherfruitcakin' day.

stock it to me. (not my best title ever, i realize.)

the christmas atticus had just turned one and i was pregnant with penelope, i decided to get crafty and make stockings for the four of us.  there have been three christmases since then, two of which have seen yet another stocking added to the lineup. 

 

please ignore the fact that they're pretty bunchy; i've already put our stocking stuffers in so that i don't have to worry about doing that later on.  we don't do santa at our house, so why wait?  other than the fact that it makes the stockings look weirdly bunchy the whole week before christmas.

in case you can't see super well, todd's is made from a goodwill sweater and i added a snowflake pattern made out of antique mother-of-pearl buttons.  mine is made out of a pair of todd's old boxers, and i heart it with all of me.  (that button in the middle is the fly opening, and the dark grey trim at the top is the elastic waistband.)  the cuff on atticus' was cross-stitched by my mom, and i made the foot-part out of burlap.  penelope's is made of quilted fabric with an antique lace cuff and antique crocheted flowers.  finn's is made from plaid flannel with a sherpa cuff, since i was pregnant with him when i made it and i had a feeling he'd turn out to be a lumberjack of a kid.  (he has.) 

this year, i made laurelai's from some polka dot cotton, with a blue velvet cuff, and some girly embellishments.  my favorite part is that awesome little peacock feather thingy.

i can't really offer a tutorial; i just traced a normal store-bought stocking onto a paper bag to use as a pattern, and then i went all wonkadonk seamstress.  they're far, far, far from perfect; and i'm almost embarrassed when i think about allowing the kids to take them into their permanent families' christmas traditions later on, and hanging them next to what i'm sure will be nicer ones; but it's also kind of nice to have stockings that reflect us now: imperfect, quirky, kind of silly, a little embarrassing, and cutest when we're all together.

how's that for some christmas-metaphor mushiness?

merry christmas eve.

with a corncob pipe and a button nose, and also a soul-sucking face.

last week, the kids and i got outside to build snowmen.  neither one of them had ever built a snowman, and perhaps had never even seen one in real life, but by george, snowmen are in pretty much any cartoon that involves snow of any kind, so atticus had had snowman-making on his bucket list for, like, ever.

there was a really warm day last week when the snow got really wet and sticky, so it was perfect.  i let the big kids skip naptime and we headed outside.  little forethought was put into the activity, as you can clearly see from the wine-bottle-cap eyes that i quickly grabbed out of the recycling bin, and the arms made out of leftover christmas tree clippings that had simply not made it all the way back to the compost pile yet.

 

from christmas tree branches, to snowman arms, to rifle, to (later) baseball bat and golf club and hockey stick, pine branches really are The Multipurpose Plaything.

i did at least run inside and grab those ubiquitous carrots for our snowmen's noses, and a couple of hats.  but then i was all like, what on earth can we use for mouths?  i landed on fruit leather ropes: they were flexible, long and red, and wouldn't be too sorely missed if an oppossum or something ran off with them.

one thing i started to notice, though, as i started helping the kids attach the fruit strips as mouths, was that the fruit strips were getting simultaneously sticky as they got wet, and brittle as they got cold, which fostered in me a suspicion that these weren't the best solution after all.  if only i had foreseen what would become of those things, i would probably have chosen differently.  because here are our end results after a day in the elements:

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS, KIDDIES.  I SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING.  (i mean, santa.  santa sees you when you're sleeping.  it's the same.)

HAPPY NEW YEAR, YOUNG ONES.

are those not the creepiest things you've ever seen in your life?!  gah.  i get the jibblies just looking at them.

we had a snowstorm over the weekend and there is a good amount of fresh snow, plenty of which landed on these monstrosities.  atticus looked out the window yesterday and was all, "THE SNOW RUINED MY SNOWMAN, MOM!" and i was all, "that is the exact opposite of true.  the snow attempted to cover up any record of these things ever having existed." to which i say, 'brava, snow.  now if you could just storm all over that third spice girl cd that came out after geri left so we can all go back to acknowledging that the spice girls were actually super awesome, that would be great.'

weekly what's up.

what can i say about the last couple of weeks?  well, let's start with this:

okay, so, last friday night, a friend had offered to watch the kids so that todd and i could go on a date, but penelope had been running a really low-grade fever all day, so we ended up having to cancel those plans. (i didn't want to pass any random bugs on to my friend's family.)  so todd showed up after work with flowers, ice cream and takeout, and he gave me a foot massage while we watched my movie pick.  (i'm jealous of myself as i even type this.)

it was a good thing i had a little bit of a refresher, because later that night atticus woke up with the flu.  about 15 minutes later, penelope woke up with the flu.  it. was. brutal.  they were sick pretty much constantly until after lunch on saturday, at which point they each took a four hour nap and woke up as fresh as spring daisies.  weird.

sunday morning, we asked a couple of college students who had already seen the christmas production to come watch the kids so that i could go to church to see it. (even though the kids were feeling better, i didn't want to risk spreading anything.)  todd did an awesome job, and the whole production was a blast.

todd is on the far left in both of these photos.

what else about the last few weeks?  our christmas shenanigans have begun.  we busted out some christmas movies...

...did some christmas decrrrrrrating...

...and we got a tree.  oh, yes; the tree.

todd and i had discussed the fact that we'd have to get a smaller tree than we've had in years past, since our ceilings are lower and we don't have as much floor space.  however, we didn't communicate well what we each had in mind regarding a 'smaller' tree.  

we keep a disc from our tree stump each year, and when he brought the following disc in the house (before the tree itself, obviously), i got a little worried overly dramatic.

yes, it is tiny.  it required using shims around the entire circumference to get it to even stand up in the tree stand.

yes, the tree is small.  i've named him tiny tim.  or junior.  or little billy junior.  i can't decide.  something small-sounding.  but, though there were some waterworks, and though i came off looking like an ass over a stupid tree, i think it has actually worked out okay.  it's proportionate to the rest of our house, and it's just the perfect size to display all of the ornaments we've accumulated since getting married/having kids (and not have to be filled with all kinds of weirdo ornaments i made in elementary).

also, the kids built snowmen that appear to be bleeding from the mouth, but i'll tell you about that next week since this post is insanely long already.

(but as a quick side note, december 13 marked the one-year anniversary of us saying 'yes' to moving to cedar falls.  whoa.  a lot has happened in the last year!)

how are your christmas activities coming along?

video vednesday: caramel coconut cream!!

okay, does anyone else have weird memories of watching olsen twins videos during library time in elementary school, or is that just me?  whatever the case, if you never before thought those movies were creepy (even though i have one vivid memory of an 'episode' in which they were trying to sell their brother at a lemonade stand), this will convince you.

holly jolly hobby lobby.

recently, i was telling a friend about how overwhelmed i feel at times, and how i feel like my days/weeks/months are just a repeat of the same dumb day/week/month before.  she recommended i get out of the house more, which i don't do because coats and boots and hats and diaper changes and nap schedules and whiny kids and cold weather and a coat pocket full of bribe-y graham cracker crumbs and all that.  but she told me to try it, and try it i did.

so yesterday we went to hobby lobby, where that hymns-on-piano cd playing over the loudspeaker can lull you into lazy comfortability.  but you have to be on your A-game to visit hobby lobby with kids in tow, because the carts are tiny and the breakables all look like toys and are at preschooler-eyeball level.

i went to pick up supplies to make a stocking for laurelai, a wreath for our front door (i had planned to be on top of seasonal porch decor, but i still have a sad, snow-covered hay bale out there right now), and a pack of command hooks.  i came home with supplies for laurelai's stocking, a plaster bust, some superglue, and some curtain rings that i accidentally shoplifted because they ended up under finneas' hat in the cart at checkout.  and that sums up a trip to hobby lobby with the kids.

also? as i was walking through the store, i kept getting a whiff of some shopper with some serious B.O.  i was all, wow...that's pungent.  then i was all, who is that coming from?  then i was all, oh, it turns out i'm the smelliest shopper.

yes, friends, that horrible smell was wafting through my shirt, through my heavy cable-knit sweater, and through my wool coat.  and when i didn't think it could be any worse, i got home and took off all those layers and realized i had huge, dried breastmilk stains on my bottom-most shirt layer.

thank goodness the kids were relative angels in the store, because otherwise i would have ended up praying for the apocolypse, or at least a heart attack, to get me out of having to make it out of public on my own.  and if i had gotten that wish, i would have been ushered into either heaven or the emergency room with those nasty stains all fresh on my clothing and that rancid scent radiating off of me, and i just don't know that i want to end things that way.  i like to think that, if the rapture doesn't happen in my lifetime, that i will die laying on a bed of rose petals in a meadow, with a lily in my gracefully folded hands and a euphoric look on my face.  my hair all did and everrrthang.  not all smelly and stained and laying on the linoleum under the 50% off signs at hobby lobby.

so merry christmas to me! i didn't die or get sniffed by an emt! and sometimes that's all you can ask for.