black friday. (or, why meatloaf is the only one who truly understands me.)
i will admit that i am a complete and total wuss when it comes to black friday. i have never had the cahones to venture out and even attempt it, which is saying something if you know me at all and know how much i love a deal. and it's definitely no indication that i judge people who do brave the crowds and the cold and the fatigue and the heightened risk of being stampeded to death. in fact, i am kind of in awe of you if you are a regular black friday black widow.
so believe you me when i say i actually respect the whole concept of black friday, especially considering that i would not have my shiny, beautiful, workhorse, bright red, professional series kitchenaid stand mixer without the whole phenomenon. (and also without the dedication of my wonderful mother-in-law jacqi and her quick and tiny best friend maggie, who darted into kohl's as soon as the doors opened and sat on the box so no one else would take it before jacqi could get to it. THAT is true courage of heart and love for your daughter-in-law.)
but even still, like i said, i still can't bring myself to even consider participating myself. and like i said, on the surface it doesn't seem to make sense since i love a deal and would marry a deal and would make babies with a deal. but i think meatloaf said it best when he said, 'i would do anything forlove the spice girls a deal, but i won't do that.' anyone ever wonder what exactly he wouldn't do because they were too repulsed by the song to actually listen to the rest of the lyrics? well, not me, and i'll tell what he wouldn't do for a deal: shop on black friday.
because meatloaf also has always been a person who needs lots of sleep, and is raising two toddlers and is pregnant and therefore especially exhausted, and also spent way too many hours on recess duty when he worked at fellows elementary to voluntarily stand out in the cold for long periods of time in the middle of the night when he could be in his nice warm bed next to his husband instead.
maybe that's not exactly what the song is about. but that's the general idea, anyway, and i'm fully on board with him.
unfortunately for me, i did not realize that meatloaf released a subsequent though less popular hit titled, 'i chose to stay at home on black friday so i could sleep instead, but my toddler developed some kind of infection and i didn't get to sleep much anyway.' i could have avoided a lot of surprise on thanksgiving night had i only listened more closely to meatloaf's entire catalog.
and i bet i'm the only person in the history of time who has ever uttered that last sentence.
anyway, is anyone out there more valiant than i who actually did venture out on black friday? score any awesome deals? anyone else dealing with an infected kid?
so believe you me when i say i actually respect the whole concept of black friday, especially considering that i would not have my shiny, beautiful, workhorse, bright red, professional series kitchenaid stand mixer without the whole phenomenon. (and also without the dedication of my wonderful mother-in-law jacqi and her quick and tiny best friend maggie, who darted into kohl's as soon as the doors opened and sat on the box so no one else would take it before jacqi could get to it. THAT is true courage of heart and love for your daughter-in-law.)
but even still, like i said, i still can't bring myself to even consider participating myself. and like i said, on the surface it doesn't seem to make sense since i love a deal and would marry a deal and would make babies with a deal. but i think meatloaf said it best when he said, 'i would do anything for
because meatloaf also has always been a person who needs lots of sleep, and is raising two toddlers and is pregnant and therefore especially exhausted, and also spent way too many hours on recess duty when he worked at fellows elementary to voluntarily stand out in the cold for long periods of time in the middle of the night when he could be in his nice warm bed next to his husband instead.
maybe that's not exactly what the song is about. but that's the general idea, anyway, and i'm fully on board with him.
unfortunately for me, i did not realize that meatloaf released a subsequent though less popular hit titled, 'i chose to stay at home on black friday so i could sleep instead, but my toddler developed some kind of infection and i didn't get to sleep much anyway.' i could have avoided a lot of surprise on thanksgiving night had i only listened more closely to meatloaf's entire catalog.
and i bet i'm the only person in the history of time who has ever uttered that last sentence.
anyway, is anyone out there more valiant than i who actually did venture out on black friday? score any awesome deals? anyone else dealing with an infected kid?
celebreality monday.
the bible says that women will be saved through childbearing. whut. that's kind of a crazy thing to say - really crazy, actually, if you think about it.
now, obviously it can't mean that we will get into heaven because we had a baby. first of all, that's not fair to single gals and girls with fertility issues and the few high school girls left who have kept themselves from impregnantion. second of all, the bible's clear that we are saved by GRACE alone, through FAITH alone, in CHRIST alone. (there's even a latin phrase backing me up on that one - which means i know what i'm talking about.) the bible doesn't say that we're saved by grace through faith in christ and/or by babies. if that were true, it would motivate me to be more like octomom, which is not something i think god is hoping to accomplish in my life.
but the bible does say clearly we'll be saved by having kids. and this is what i take it to mean: salvation is made up of three big words with the following overly-simplified definitions: justification (jesus taking on your sin and paying for it himself), expiation (you taking on the righteousness that only jesus earned) and sanctification (being made more closely into the image of christ). for a christian, justification and expiation happen in a moment, when christ pays for your sin and transfers his righteousness to you, but sanctification lasts the whole live-long time you walk on this earth. SO. i think what the bible is saying is that having kids is an opportunity that god uses uniquely in the lives of women to sanctify them, or to make them more like jesus.
and the thing i want to make clear through celebreality mondays is not that we should necessarily celebrate our failures, but that there is a lot of noise out there telling you what a 'good' mom is. and most of it is stuff that really doesn't matter, so it kind of doesn't matter if you suck at it. it doesn't make you more christlike, it doesn't encourage your kids to know and love jesus. and it's not that all of these things are bad: i think it's great if Joe Blow Mom loves to craft or bake or power sand furniture. it's just that those aren't the things that make a mom a good mom in the eyes of god. being forgiven in christ and seeking to be like him are the only things that make us good moms, because they align us with the only One who actually is good: christ.
so what i'm trying to say is this: do not feel like a failure if once again your house is a mess because you spent your day raising up your kids to know the lord. don't feel like if you can't sew a straight line without requiring a trip to the emergency room you're somehow failing. don't put that on yourself, because god doesn't, and it isn't fair for the world to put that on you. you are not accountable to the moms who have it all 'together'. you're accountable to god, and this is all he wants from you: the faith that leads to repentence and forgiveness in christ, and the humbleness that allows for growth in his likeness.
that seems like a shorter to-do list than the one pinterest would have me make.
now, obviously it can't mean that we will get into heaven because we had a baby. first of all, that's not fair to single gals and girls with fertility issues and the few high school girls left who have kept themselves from impregnantion. second of all, the bible's clear that we are saved by GRACE alone, through FAITH alone, in CHRIST alone. (there's even a latin phrase backing me up on that one - which means i know what i'm talking about.) the bible doesn't say that we're saved by grace through faith in christ and/or by babies. if that were true, it would motivate me to be more like octomom, which is not something i think god is hoping to accomplish in my life.
but the bible does say clearly we'll be saved by having kids. and this is what i take it to mean: salvation is made up of three big words with the following overly-simplified definitions: justification (jesus taking on your sin and paying for it himself), expiation (you taking on the righteousness that only jesus earned) and sanctification (being made more closely into the image of christ). for a christian, justification and expiation happen in a moment, when christ pays for your sin and transfers his righteousness to you, but sanctification lasts the whole live-long time you walk on this earth. SO. i think what the bible is saying is that having kids is an opportunity that god uses uniquely in the lives of women to sanctify them, or to make them more like jesus.
and the thing i want to make clear through celebreality mondays is not that we should necessarily celebrate our failures, but that there is a lot of noise out there telling you what a 'good' mom is. and most of it is stuff that really doesn't matter, so it kind of doesn't matter if you suck at it. it doesn't make you more christlike, it doesn't encourage your kids to know and love jesus. and it's not that all of these things are bad: i think it's great if Joe Blow Mom loves to craft or bake or power sand furniture. it's just that those aren't the things that make a mom a good mom in the eyes of god. being forgiven in christ and seeking to be like him are the only things that make us good moms, because they align us with the only One who actually is good: christ.
so what i'm trying to say is this: do not feel like a failure if once again your house is a mess because you spent your day raising up your kids to know the lord. don't feel like if you can't sew a straight line without requiring a trip to the emergency room you're somehow failing. don't put that on yourself, because god doesn't, and it isn't fair for the world to put that on you. you are not accountable to the moms who have it all 'together'. you're accountable to god, and this is all he wants from you: the faith that leads to repentence and forgiveness in christ, and the humbleness that allows for growth in his likeness.
that seems like a shorter to-do list than the one pinterest would have me make.
penelope's crazy eye.
as i mentioned previously, penelope has developed a lazy eye. only, according to her doctor, the reason it turns in is because it's working so hard to see...which, in my opinion, makes it a bit misleading to call it a 'lazy' eye. so i've dubbed it the crazy eye. much better, or at least more accurate. because it makes her look CRAZY, especially when she starts singing and dancing and sticking out her tongue, with her eye all wonky and turned in. see what i mean? crazy eye.
as an update, we took her to the eye doctor on friday, who said she is going to need glasses yesterday. (luckily she won't need surgery or even an eye patch, as far as we can tell right now.) he said her prescription is for +8.0 lenses, which in my non-expert opinion means she's basically legally blind. (although she obviously is not. but +8.0 is really bad.) the sooner we can get her in glasses, the better, because at this age there is a greater possibility of enabling the eye to improve its own ability to see, and there is also a chance that if we let it go unchecked her brain will stop recognizing input from that eye, which will result in crazy-eye blindness.
also, the only celebrities that came up when i googled 'famous people with lazy eye' were paris hilton and amy winehouse, and anything that would cause her to follow in those footsteps in any way must be nipped in the bud. so, glasses it is.
so yesterday we took her to pick out some frames, and this is what we ended up going with:
unfortunately they don't make buddy holly-style or cat eye glasses, or something equally funny for an 18-month-old, so basic oval wire rims it is. however, considering we're looking at years and years of glasses for her from here on out, hipster frames are happening sometime down the road. and that is what i like to call 'silver lining.'
i want to thank everyone for praying for her. even though we're choosing to get her glasses now rather than wait until her insurance kicks in, we aren't having to do surgery and her vision should be corrected with just glasses - a definite answer to prayer! so thanks SO MUCH!
as an update, we took her to the eye doctor on friday, who said she is going to need glasses yesterday. (luckily she won't need surgery or even an eye patch, as far as we can tell right now.) he said her prescription is for +8.0 lenses, which in my non-expert opinion means she's basically legally blind. (although she obviously is not. but +8.0 is really bad.) the sooner we can get her in glasses, the better, because at this age there is a greater possibility of enabling the eye to improve its own ability to see, and there is also a chance that if we let it go unchecked her brain will stop recognizing input from that eye, which will result in crazy-eye blindness.
also, the only celebrities that came up when i googled 'famous people with lazy eye' were paris hilton and amy winehouse, and anything that would cause her to follow in those footsteps in any way must be nipped in the bud. so, glasses it is.
so yesterday we took her to pick out some frames, and this is what we ended up going with:
unfortunately they don't make buddy holly-style or cat eye glasses, or something equally funny for an 18-month-old, so basic oval wire rims it is. however, considering we're looking at years and years of glasses for her from here on out, hipster frames are happening sometime down the road. and that is what i like to call 'silver lining.'
i want to thank everyone for praying for her. even though we're choosing to get her glasses now rather than wait until her insurance kicks in, we aren't having to do surgery and her vision should be corrected with just glasses - a definite answer to prayer! so thanks SO MUCH!
video vednesday: when god created adam and eve, i'm pretty sure he gave them both uMoves.
i'm not sure if technology is advancing or digressing.
Y.A.G.
if you haven't heard, we recently moved to a cute, kitschy little town and we're having a blast getting to know our new community better. basically so we can rub it in your face how much you out-of-towners are missing out on by not living here.
today, i would like to rub your face in Yard Art Guy, or Y.A.G., a nocturnal local artist who always has some kind of interactive piece going on his yard, both with and without stereo accompaniment and free-for-the-taking christian tracks. he lives on the main street into town and, while i'm positive he's well-intentioned, i'm also quite sure that he affects the home values of his neighbors. not to mention how much it used to piss me off that he was allowed to put such obtrusive stuff in his yard (i really am about 85 at heart). since then, i have come to appreciate Y.A.G. and his voice as an artist.
and also, i found another way home that allows me to bypass his house should i so choose.
no one i know has ever seen Y.A.G.'s face, although one night todd and i caught a glimpse of him as we were coming into town around 11 pm. and no one i know definitively knows his story. and no one i know fully understands what his art is really getting at, although judging by the soundtrack, the reading materials, and the dummy hanging on a cross and wearing a wolverine mask, i think he's trying to convey something spiritual. but then, the dummy sitting on a lawn chair holding a bottle of moonshine, as well as the viking ship and cast-off playground bouncy horse, speak to pure frollicking of heart. both deep and jovial is Yard Art Guy, and i have much to learn from him.
i am a bit worried that Y.A.G. is preparing to move. there has been not a touch of yard art (whimsical or otherwise) to be seen since halloween, and he has been purging lots of stuff lately - his curb is regularly stocked with contributions to our local sanitary landfill. and i wonder what will become of our town if we are prematurely robbed of our only access to art. hopefully we'll never have to find out.
today, i would like to rub your face in Yard Art Guy, or Y.A.G., a nocturnal local artist who always has some kind of interactive piece going on his yard, both with and without stereo accompaniment and free-for-the-taking christian tracks. he lives on the main street into town and, while i'm positive he's well-intentioned, i'm also quite sure that he affects the home values of his neighbors. not to mention how much it used to piss me off that he was allowed to put such obtrusive stuff in his yard (i really am about 85 at heart). since then, i have come to appreciate Y.A.G. and his voice as an artist.
and also, i found another way home that allows me to bypass his house should i so choose.
no one i know has ever seen Y.A.G.'s face, although one night todd and i caught a glimpse of him as we were coming into town around 11 pm. and no one i know definitively knows his story. and no one i know fully understands what his art is really getting at, although judging by the soundtrack, the reading materials, and the dummy hanging on a cross and wearing a wolverine mask, i think he's trying to convey something spiritual. but then, the dummy sitting on a lawn chair holding a bottle of moonshine, as well as the viking ship and cast-off playground bouncy horse, speak to pure frollicking of heart. both deep and jovial is Yard Art Guy, and i have much to learn from him.
i am a bit worried that Y.A.G. is preparing to move. there has been not a touch of yard art (whimsical or otherwise) to be seen since halloween, and he has been purging lots of stuff lately - his curb is regularly stocked with contributions to our local sanitary landfill. and i wonder what will become of our town if we are prematurely robbed of our only access to art. hopefully we'll never have to find out.
celebreality monday.
i hate cooking.
there, i said it. and i'll say it again, and use bold and italicized font: i hate cooking.
and to be entirely honest, i am flabbergasted (YES! i have now used that word once in 2011) when moms say they like cooking. because i just think of the mess and the tedium and the time and the mess and the toddler 'help' that is really highly unhelpful, and all for what? i'm not a good cook, so i just wasted a bunch of time and effort making some from-scratch equivalent of spam, where you know you won't starve to death if you eat it but you'd really prefer to eat anything else than what's currently in your mouth.
so i do it because i love my family. and i do it because i would personally die of starvation if i didn't and my self-survival instinct seems to be in the average range. but i will just say that if you ever try to have a conversation with me about how calming food preparation is, i will probably smile and nod and pretend you're talking about watching TV or petting a bunny or something else that is actually calming.
and there's a little part of me that feels guilty about this (and not just because i'm not paying attention to you when you talk). in fact, i would love to be a mom who loves my kids with food, and who has an instinct regarding whether such-and-such dish needs a dash of sage to really make it some kind of culinary explosion. and i would like to not make my smoke detectors go off so much, because it really scares my kids. also, i would personally like to eat something that tasted better than the concoctions i devise. (i will not say definitively whether or not i made pumpkin-coconut milk-jalapeno soup once. but i probably did. and it was most likely disgusting.)
so i peruse the recipe section of better homes and gardens and i humor myself by pretending if i just watch one more episode of the barefoot contessa i will be able to host delicious and beatific luncheons. but then 4:30 pm rolls around and i decide once again that it's spaghetti night because a) it's cheap, b) it only dirties two pans and c) it's a matter of turning on the stove and waiting 15 minutes. cheap, easy and quick? not to be a dirtbag or anything, but that's how i think these things should be.
so this is who i am. and i'm not running away from it any longer. anyone else with me?
there, i said it. and i'll say it again, and use bold and italicized font: i hate cooking.
and to be entirely honest, i am flabbergasted (YES! i have now used that word once in 2011) when moms say they like cooking. because i just think of the mess and the tedium and the time and the mess and the toddler 'help' that is really highly unhelpful, and all for what? i'm not a good cook, so i just wasted a bunch of time and effort making some from-scratch equivalent of spam, where you know you won't starve to death if you eat it but you'd really prefer to eat anything else than what's currently in your mouth.
so i do it because i love my family. and i do it because i would personally die of starvation if i didn't and my self-survival instinct seems to be in the average range. but i will just say that if you ever try to have a conversation with me about how calming food preparation is, i will probably smile and nod and pretend you're talking about watching TV or petting a bunny or something else that is actually calming.
and there's a little part of me that feels guilty about this (and not just because i'm not paying attention to you when you talk). in fact, i would love to be a mom who loves my kids with food, and who has an instinct regarding whether such-and-such dish needs a dash of sage to really make it some kind of culinary explosion. and i would like to not make my smoke detectors go off so much, because it really scares my kids. also, i would personally like to eat something that tasted better than the concoctions i devise. (i will not say definitively whether or not i made pumpkin-coconut milk-jalapeno soup once. but i probably did. and it was most likely disgusting.)
so i peruse the recipe section of better homes and gardens and i humor myself by pretending if i just watch one more episode of the barefoot contessa i will be able to host delicious and beatific luncheons. but then 4:30 pm rolls around and i decide once again that it's spaghetti night because a) it's cheap, b) it only dirties two pans and c) it's a matter of turning on the stove and waiting 15 minutes. cheap, easy and quick? not to be a dirtbag or anything, but that's how i think these things should be.
so this is who i am. and i'm not running away from it any longer. anyone else with me?
just my luck.
the other day, i found a crisp ol' twenty flying around the parking lot in front of jo-ann fabrics. and i was all, thanks god for blessing me with this here jackson and making me someone who crafts and is a stay-at-home mom and therefore finds themselves at jo-ann fabrics at 1:00 on a thursday. to be honest, after i got over the guilt of not being able to give it back to its rightful owner, i was feeling pretty darn lucky and downright good about myself.
but then penelope developed a lazy eye and i was all, yeah that's about right. can't keep the lucky streak going for long before the pendulum swings back in the other direction and your un-vision-insured daughter has an urgent eye issue.
so she has an appointment this morning to figure out the cause and severity and urgency and whatever of the lazy eye issue. not to mention she already had an appointment scheduled for january (strategically after her insurance kicks in) because they've already established she's incredibly far-sighted and will most likely be needing glasses asap. bum.mer.
so i'm hoping someone out there will read this and respond to our desperate cry forhelp prayer. we're hoping her severely crossing eye isn't indicative of anything bad that's happened (one particular fall recently could have reasonably been cause for a detached retina, for instance) or has caused any permanent vision loss. we're also praying (and hoping you will too) that if she needs glasses - or worse, surgery - that it won't be such an urgent need that it'll have to happen before her vision insurance kicks in on january 1. mainly, we're hoping you'll pray that god will heal all of her vision issues without too much event or expense. (if he wants to spit on her eyes or put mud on them or whatever else they did in the bible, i'm all for it. i'm just praying he heals her.)
i'm also praying that this isn't just another 'had it coming' kind of episode where my kid has to wear an eye patch (common therapy for lazy eye) simply because i decided to deride people for dressing up as pirates. because it would just serve to prove my suspicion that this is a cruel, cruel universe we live in, and that's a pretty crappy truth to have to face coming up on the christmas season and all.
but then penelope developed a lazy eye and i was all, yeah that's about right. can't keep the lucky streak going for long before the pendulum swings back in the other direction and your un-vision-insured daughter has an urgent eye issue.
so she has an appointment this morning to figure out the cause and severity and urgency and whatever of the lazy eye issue. not to mention she already had an appointment scheduled for january (strategically after her insurance kicks in) because they've already established she's incredibly far-sighted and will most likely be needing glasses asap. bum.mer.
so i'm hoping someone out there will read this and respond to our desperate cry for
i'm also praying that this isn't just another 'had it coming' kind of episode where my kid has to wear an eye patch (common therapy for lazy eye) simply because i decided to deride people for dressing up as pirates. because it would just serve to prove my suspicion that this is a cruel, cruel universe we live in, and that's a pretty crappy truth to have to face coming up on the christmas season and all.
thwr: feel right at home.
(giving some friends a tour of the house)
todd: and this is our laundry room.
atticus (walking into the bathroom and spinning around): this is our bathroom. (walking over to the toilet.) this is where i poop.
and that's how we roll.
todd: and this is our laundry room.
atticus (walking into the bathroom and spinning around): this is our bathroom. (walking over to the toilet.) this is where i poop.
and that's how we roll.
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