wrapping their gifts.

(I apologize in advance for the terrible lighting.)

The kids spent some time the other night wrapping their gifts for one another.

Four of the kids bought presents for everyone, which meant a lot of gifts to wrap.  I was a little overwhelmed with the idea of wrapping them all - to use paper meant so. much. work.  To use individual gift bags meant so. much. money.

So we used brown paper lunch bags with some mini bows I found at Target.  They were able to assemble them with a little help.  First, they put each present in a bag, followed by a sheet of tissue paper.   Then, I stapled the bag closed.  (I'm a realist: these things will be sitting under the tree for the next week, and it's really only a matter of time before someone tries to peek.)  Then the kids wrote out tags and stuck on a bow - each kid has their own color of bow, which will make things much less confusing on Christmas morning!

Since we picked everything out online instead of trying to venture into the store to do our shopping, I just ordered it all in one big order, which meant the kids needed to pay me for the gifts they purchased, so we spent some time counting money and making change.

I am just loving the excitement I'm seeing develop in them as they discover the joy of giving.  They're so excited for their siblings to receive the gifts they've chosen and wrapped and worked hard to save up for.  They are finding genuine delight in being generous, and I get the privilege of a front-row seat!

has mothering six kids made me an expert? (full disclosure on my life right now.)

I'm not going to lie to you; I'm floundering a bit.  Maybe this feeling happens to me every December, and maybe it's just weather-related or busyness-related, but maybe, too, this is different.  I'm not sure.

Over the last six months, I've just felt like I'm in over my head.  Six kids is a lot of kids.  It definitely feels like more than five kids.  (I had assumed it wouldn't, really.)  I can't just glance down and immediately know whether I have them all, for one thing.  I have to do constant head-counts, but by the time I get to #6, someone has wandered off and I have to start all over again.

What's more, the older kids are getting older.  I don't know how to parent older kids!  I barely know how to parent little kids.  So I find myself second-guessing myself constantly - how do I handle this situation?  How do I discipline for that?  How do I encourage them to see this through a Biblical lens - and how often do I have the same conversation over and over and over before I can feel justified in getting exasperated?  Do kids in other families this size fight this often?  At what point will I ever get a handle on yelling at them?  And how can I possibly expect them to control their anger when I can't control mine?

And then, with Callista still being so young, there are the old questions that have to be answered afresh with every baby:  When do I move her to her own room?  Will she feel anxious when I do?  Am I emotionally ready?  When do I start inserting myself into her feeding schedule more forcefully and putting a kaibosh on the every-two-hours routine we have going through the middle of the night?  Is she getting enough to eat?  How would I know if she wasn't?  How hard to I feel like working to keep my milk supply up if it drops, and how will I know if it does?  Do I spend enough time with her?

****

What makes all of this harder is the fact that I figured I'd have all the answers by now.  I assumed that, by the time I had six kids, I'd know my way around parenting well enough.  But lately I find myself with more questions than I've had since Atticus was born and I was brand new at this.  I find myself feeling just as overwhelmed and confused as I felt then.

There are a few major differences between then and now: first of all, when I first became a parent, everyone knew I was clueless.  No one was looking to me for answers.  Now, I sometimes feel like a fake: I have so few answers.  I don't have anything figured out.  How can I possibly dole out parenting advice when I'm really just learning as I go, and honestly feeling like many days' successes are more a result of crossed fingers than anything else?  The questions are there, and I do my best to field them if I can, but I feel like anything but an expert.

Second of all, I don't know personally know many women who have gone before me in this way.  When Atticus was first born, I literally knew hundreds of women who had had a baby before.  If I had humbled myself more at the time, I could have received wisdom and advice from countless moms who were farther along in the exact same journey I was in.  Now, I feel like the pool has shrunk. 

I'm grateful for the friends I have with older children than mine, and I'm trying my hardest to lean in and learn.  But I personally know only three moms with at least as many kids as I have, none of whom live closer than four hours away.  It seems like the actual number of kids someone has shouldn't matter to me, but it does.  First, in terms of solidarity.  They 'get' this life.  Second, in terms of logistics.  I have so many questions about how to deal with certain discipline issues or personality combinations, or how to juggle the weight of appointments and track curriculum loads and balance one-on-one time on this scale.  Just like in those early new-mom days, I wish I had someone to just walk me through all of this step-by-step, like a real, live YouTube tutorial on Parenting the Large Family.  But obviously, that can't exist, because anyone with that many kids doesn't have the time to parent me, too!

So I would say this season has been marked by a distinct feeling of incompetence, which is probably, if I'm being honest, my deepest fear and strongest aversion.  I just hate not knowing what I'm doing.  I am finding God's grace in this place, and the humility that he is teaching me is so good, and so necessary, and so freeing, but it isn't easy for me to simply take things one day at a time and hope it is all enough when it feels nowhere close to enough.

So, really, at the end of the day, I feel mostly confused, and I'm learning to feel grateful.  Confused by every single stinking thing parenting throws my way each day, and so grateful that I have a Heavenly Father with all the answers.  A Father who's juggling tons of kids.  A Father who promises me wisdom and rest when I come to him for these things.  A Father who guarantees I will never be enough - and that I was never meant to be.  He has everything in his good, capable, competent hands, and the only thing he wants me to know is humility.  It's so good to be a child in his household.

who was down for the count this week. ly. (and atticus' ninth birthday party.)

Well, I'm going to shoot you straight: this week was basically a bust.  Everyone's been sick, we've been laying low, and I'm glad it's Friday.  I'm ready for next week's fresh start!

We were planning on heading up to Iowa last Friday to spend the weekend celebrating Atticus' birthday with my family.  But Friday morning, Callista was running a high fever and had a deep chest cough.  Once she projectile vomited all over me, I knew we couldn't make the four-hour drive.  So we stayed home.

Unfortunately, Atticus missed out on a birthday party last year, so all our eggs were in the basket of this year's party.  There was some major disappointment we had to wade through (mostly on Penelope's part, for some reason), but eventually everyone saw the advantage of staying home.  So we put out the camo tablecloth, picked up tacos and cupcakes, and made a day of it.  It actually ended up being really fun, not including the fact that Rocco and Callista were sick and pretty miserable all day.

Sunday, the kids and I stayed home from our church's Christmas production, which ended up being a good thing, since I started puking around lunchtime.  Then Callista and I stayed up all night long while I rocked her in the Ergo and watched hours and hours of Netflix to stay awake.

Monday, the kids had a doctor's appointment and Callista started her first-ever round of antibiotics, which broke my heart a little.  We had to cancel dinner plans with friends that night, and the next night we missed out on Anthem's Member Celebration, which would have been a bummer on a normal night, but especially this week - a sweet couple we love got engaged at the event! 

Wednesday seemed like a relatively good day:  Everyone seemed to be on the mend, health-wise, so we did our normal Wednesday stuff: Amish in the morning, college gal in the afternoon.  I even got a chance to walk on the treadmill for a bit and take a shower before we had dinner guests over.  Wednesday was definitely the high point of the week.

But then Todd came down with a cold, and a friend who was going to watch the kids for us last night so we could go on a date also came down with a cold, so our date was canceled.  And now my neck is spasming and I have what seems to be a developing ear infection.  So Todd and I spent last night candling my ear.  Sexy.

Luckily these kids are cute and a total bright spot in my life.

Penelope's been saving up her money to buy Christmas gifts later this month, so she hand-made a paper police officer as a birthday gift.

I would apologize for how blurry this photo is, but most photos of Finneas are blurry, since he's always on the move.  I'm actually surprised he's this in-focus for once.

Well, there you have it.  If ever there was a morale-crushing week, this was it.  Luckily, I have a nail appointment (re)scheduled for tomorrow morning, so there's at least a prize waiting for me at the end of it all!  Here's to hoping next week shapes up to be a bit easier, and that we all stay healthy from here on out, or this could shape up to be a loooong winter. 

'where have i been' wednesday.

Oh, y'all.  I'm sorry I haven't shown up here the last few days.  We've had sickness in the house.  And it has been rough.

I already mentioned Laurelai came down with a cough and a high fever a week and a half ago.  That was on a Saturday, and the fever lasted five days.  Rocco came down with it the following Tuesday, and his fever lasted five days.  On Thursday, Callista was hit.  Then, on Sunday afternoon, I was suddenly hit with a stomach bug and fever, which was thankfully short-lived, because Callista was awake all night long.

No, I stand corrected: She slept.  But only if she was being held upright in the Ergo.  Which meant I sat upright, wearing the Ergo, all night long.  I watched a lot of Netflix and read a book by the Duggars, who I really don't talk about enough.  (Except here.  And here.)  It was a long night, but God's grace was so present in it, moment by moment.

Even though her fever had broken by Monday morning, I made an appointment with the doctor.  Laurelai, Rocco and Callista were all still dealing with deep, wet, painful-sounding coughs.  Rocco was coughing so hard it was making him gag, and Callista was starting to develop a wheezing sound when breathing.

After a thorough once-over by the doctor, Laurelai was dubbed 'fine,' Rocco was dubbed 'wait and see' - if his cough doesn't start improving by the end of the week, they'll want to start him on an antibiotic.  And Callista was diagnosed with a double ear infection and bronchiolitis.  Poor sister.

So now she's on amoxicillin, which makes me nervous.  Of my kids, only Atticus and Penelope have ever taken antibiotics before.  (Atticus took them once for a double ear infection, and Penelope took them once for strep.)  Penelope ended up being allergic, so that led to an ER visit and whole-body hives and swelling that lasted for days.  Brutal.  So I'm praying that Callista is able to tolerate them okay, and that no one else in the house gets this bug!  (Todd is fighting hard against what seems to be his own run-in with it.)

I will say, there has been an upside to all of this.  The night spent cuddling Callista in the Ergo had its sweet moments.  And the next night she slept well, although she wanted to get up at an unusual time to eat - but it turned out she didn't actually want to nurse, she just wanted to cuddle up next to me and pat my shoulder until she fell back to sleep.  It was so sweet, and I'm grateful for those little silver linings to an otherwise rough stretch.

Whew.  It's only Wednesday.  Here's to a strong finish.  And also a strong middle that I also have to tackle before I even get to the finish. Wish me luck and naps.

'what's up weekly.'

This is the week (this is the week)
that the Lord has made. (That the Lord has made.)
We will rejoice (we will rejoice)
and be glad in it. (And be glad in it.)

(And now that that song is stuck in every Sunday School attender's head...)

It was a decent week!  Saturday was spent decorating the tree, and by the end of the day, Laurelai was coming down with a low-grade fever and a cough, so the kids and I stayed home from church on Sunday. 'Tis the season.

Monday and Tuesday, the kids and I spent some hardcore time cleaning.  I was in it for the clean house; the kids were in it for the extra money they could earn to buy each other Christmas gifts.  This is the first year it has occurred to them to give gifts to each other, and it has been amazing to see how excited they are to be generous with one another!  And, as an unanticipated secondary benefit, they have spent approximately zero time talking about what they're hoping to get - all of the talk has centered around what they want to give.  SUCH a wonderful atmosphere to breathe during this time of year!

I spent some time with each of them, one-on-one, helping them to count the money they had in their "Spend" jars, and brainstorming lists of ideas they had for gifts for each sibling.  Later in the week, I found time with each of them to do a little online shopping, and I am so excited for the gifts they chose.  It's so neat to see how well they know each other, and how well they're able to pick good gifts for one another.  (Well, the littler kids have a little more growing to do in this area: Laurelai especially was coming up with super rando ideas.  She wanted to get Penelope an "Ariel Dog," whatever that is, and she wanted to get Finneas a "singing elephant.  Or singing box."  Callista was slated to become the proud owner of a "ballerina mermaid," which sounds good in theory until you start to wonder practically where the pointe shoes would go...  The whole thing falls apart pretty quickly after that.)

Anyway.  They all eventually chose great gifts and learned to gift within a budget - and, as was the case with one child, suffered setbacks when they had to face the hard lesson of, "the gift budget suddenly got cut in half after you acted irresponsibly and now must pay to replace something you broke."  Ouch!  But this child is responding super well to the disappointment, and has been working very hard, doing extra jobs around the house to earn up enough money by Christmas to still pay for the (truly excellent) gifts they had planned to get.

Atticus turned nine.  I haven't mentioned anything on the blog or Facebook about it yet, though I still plan to.  "Nine" is different.  "Nine" has caused serious contemplation in my soul over the last few days.  I feel kind of like we've breached the clear line demarcating Childhood from Pre-Adulthood all of a sudden, and we're venturing into new territory.  Things will never be again what they have been for so long - life has been set fair-and-square in the middle of raising little kids.  Now life is changing.  And while I didn't think I'd really be all that sentimental about it, since I'm so very excited and happy to know the person that Atticus is, and who he's becoming, it turns out a small part of me is starting to panic that it's going too quickly.  I don't want to rewind the tape, but I do want to set it to half-speed moving forward.

Whew, anyway.  There will be a post on that soon.  But I need a little longer to process.

Moving on, so I don't start bawling.

Penelope is frequently asking for things to 'do.'  She's never been as much of a play-er as my other kids.  She prefers reading and writing to pretty much any 'pretend play' activity most of the time, so when she's not in the mood to read or write, she frequently complains of boredom.  She wasn't super thrilled with my constant suggestions to go clean the toilet if she was looking for something to do, so I figured I'd try another tactic: crafts.

I'm not super crafty myself, mostly because crafts are messy and I have enough mess in my life as it is.  But she's getting to an age where I can reasonably allow her to have independent, responsible access to supplies.  So out came the weaving loom.

I bought a couple of these wooden loomson supersale last Christmas, and they'd just been sitting in the closet since then, waiting for their time to shine.

Um, what else?  I've been wrapping up my Christmas shopping this week, and while pretty much everything I've ordered has been for others, I did crack and get something for myself.  Something really, really exciting...

NEW VACUUM FILTERS!  I'm a freaking weirdo, but I am genuinely giddy about these.  Todd got me my current vacuum four years ago, and I'd never changed the filters.  Granted, the kind of vacuum I have (which is incredible and I'd tell everyone and their mom that they should get one) has filters that can be washed out and reused, so it really wasn't as gross as it sounds.  But eventually, they stopped getting entirely clean, so I knew it was time.  AND HOT DANG.  It's like I have a brand-new vacuum again.  Also, how disgusting to the old filters look next to the new ones?

And other than that, not really a whole lot of out-of-the-ordinary stuff has been happening.  The city electric guys came out and spent a few days installing a new power line pole in our yard (oh yay), so the kids have had ample entertainment, and I've been trying to keep everyone as healthy as I can as the fever-and-cough nonsense is slowly traveling through them one at a time.  Rocco caught it after Laurelai, and Callista is the latest casualty.  Here's to hoping it's the last round of sickness we see for a while!

working our chores like christmas elves.

I used to roll my eyes at the proverb, "Many hands make light work."  I was all, "Yeah, sure; but not before those many hands make many, many messes."  And it was true: for a long time, I was the lone and sole proprietor of the little business endeavor called Keeping Everyone Clean and Also Alive All Day.  Now, don't get me wrong; I'm a huge proponent of starting kids off with household responsibilities from a young age.  So I'd raised up little apprentices, sure, but no one who could manage the business while I went to lunch.

But I can thankfully say I think I'm officially out of that tunnel at last.  My apprentices are slowly but surely becoming managers in their own right, and stuff actually gets done.  And not just a token 'done', either; like, real-live, actual done.

Our house has devolved into chaos over the last few months year and a half since moving here.  With homeschooling, lots of little kids, ministry, pregnancy, and newborn days, the house has just kind of stayed a level of clean that ranks just above 'grimy'.  I'm actually okay with it, for the most part, since there's not really a whole lot more that I have the energy for.  As long as things stay 'clean enough,' I'm cool with it.

But lately, stuff has just irked me.  I think I'm at that stage post-newborn where I'm just ready for things to get back to a sense of normal, and for a predictable level of calm, controlled chaos.  So yesterday morning, after a quick trip to the chiropractor and the eye doctor's office to pick up Penelope's new glasses, I declared a cleaning day.

We sat down around the table for Cookies For Lunch.  (The eye doctor gives out the best, hugest, chocolate-chippiest homemade cookies in the whole world, so lunch was made for me.  I'm okay with my choices.)  I asked them to brainstorm all the jobs we could do in each room, with the promise of earning extra money with which to buy Christmas presents for their siblings.  The list they came up with was surprisingly long and thorough, and while they finished up their cookies, I divvied out the jobs amongst the kids.

I gave them each their own list, and as they completed jobs, they were allowed to 'check off' the items on their list by putting cool stickers on their list.  Non-readers were helped by me or their older buddy.  And we got so much done!  And on top of it, it was kind of fun all working side-by-side!  I never thought I'd see the day.

Here are just a few things we were able to tackle on our main floor in a little over an hour:

Mopped the entire first floor
Vacuumed all rugs and the 'edges' of each room
Wiped cabinet fronts
Cleaned windows
Cleaned baseboards
Wet-dusted (big kids)
Dry-dusted (little kids)
Watered plants
Changed sheets
Sorted toy bins
Sorted the Lego table
Mopped kitchen and wiped cabinets a second time after a glass of milk broke all over the tile floor and splattered everywhere.  Whoops.

Tomorrow, we'll be continuing on our quest to get a handle on the state of things.  We'll be working together to:

Fold and put away laundry
Clean the showers
Vacuum and dust the basement
Wash the ring of dirt off the walls


I am so ready to have a fresh baseline from which to allow everything to fall to crap again!  And, in a year and a half when we do this again, all the kids will be even older, so I'll have even more hands on deck to help out with stuff.  Having a bunch of kids sure feels lucrative sometimes.

For more on how we equip the kids for household responsibilities, and how we teach them to manage an allowance, check out the following:

My FB Live video on kids' chores, allowance, and money management.

On chore charts and the buddy system.
An early prototype of our current clipboard system.

A chore clipboard for a pre-reader.

Some of the responsibilities we started with early on.

Jobs I assign to kids aged 3-5.

Jobs I assign to kids aged 6-8 .

decking the halls, etc., etc., etc., and whatnot and so forth.

We were really on top of things this year and got our tree pretty early in the season, even though we've been guilty in years past of being pretty delinquent about it.  We've definitely had our share of tree-drama in the past, like the year I cried because it was too small, or the year we waited so long we literally got the last normal tree Menard's had, or all the many years we've had to revisit the 'fake tree v. real tree' death match. 

But this year was pretty drama-free: we spent our recent date night at Lowe's, taking our pick from a wide selection of trees and watching a teenage employee in very, very too-tight pants cut all the bedraggled bits from the bottom of the one we chose.  Todd was super happy he didn't have to do all that himself, and while he strapped the tree to the roof of the Kristy Chrysler, I spent time in the plumbing aisle, getting more than I bargained for when I asked an employee to cut some copper pipe for me.  (It is nothing other than a Christmas miracle that he still has both arms after the way he was cavalierly and indiscriminately shoving his limbs into the gaping maw of a running power saw with zero obvious idea of how to use it.)

Anyway.  Tree: home.  Kids: stoked.  Ornaments: locked and loaded.  Lowe's Garden Center Employee: probably hasn't peed in a week; he's still trying to pry those tight pants off himself.

After church yesterday, I pulled out the kids' bins of ornaments, and we all buckled down to decorate.  This used to be suuuuuch a stressful (albeit hilarious) process, but we've streamlined: everyone gets their own bin, they bring each ornament to me for a hook, hang it on the tree, go grab another from their own bin, etc.  No more stress.

Rocco had four ornaments he was responsible for.  He did not want to hang them on the tree, nor did he want to leave anyone else's ornaments on the tree.  He also did not want to be told 'no.'  It was fun for everyone.

So he eventually got relegated to the confines of his bed to entertain himself for about ten minutes while we finished up.  Everyone was clearly happier with that arrangement.

After the tree was successfully decorated, we got some decent photos of the kids: first, the four biggest kids, who survived the entire process without a meltdown and subsequent reassignment.

Then, all six of them, after the smallest two had been fetched from their beds.

Annnnnd, sad faces, just so Rocco looked like he was supposed to be growly and uncooperative.  Callista, however, didn't get the sad-face memo.

And that was our tree-decorating process this year!  Todd and I will take some time soon to hang our ornaments, and hopefully redistribute the ornamental wealth over the face of the whole tree, as it seems the bottomlands have received more than their fair share.  But isn't that always the case?

Christmas is fun, but exhausting.

what's-been-up the-past-two-weeklies.

Weekly Update times two today, since I totally slacked on posting last week!

Much of last week was spent either prepping for Thanksgiving, or at the dentist with the kids.  Penelope got a tooth filled, and Finneas had a dead tooth taken out since an abscess had formed above it.  Yummy.  He looks so scrappy and "Finn" with a missing tooth, but I have to admit I miss his little-boy smile.

This year, I had a lot of help prepping for Thanksgiving.  This lady helped me brine the turkey and make the stuffing, and she made cranberry sauce by herself!  To top it all off, she got the urge to try her hand at baking one day, so she made some cornbread muffins for me.  Between her interest and skills in the kitchen, and all the stuff I've just delegated to the Amish bakery (our rolls, pies, and bread for the stuffing were all from there this year), I'll probably be totally out of a job come next  Thanksgiving.  Which is fine by me!

My beautiful turkey in its beautiful brine.  If you want the recipe I use every Thanksgiving (and believe me, you do: I end up wrapping this guy in bacon!) you can find it posted on the Facebook page.

Thanksgiving itself was great.  I clearly had an amazing time stuffing my face.

The boys had fun cuddling up with their Uncle Austin and watching YouTube videos of Humvees.

We finally weaned Rocco off his bottle, and oh my word, it was rough.  It took him nearly two full weeks before he'd drink from anything else, and he was so dehydrated and felt like crap.  As a result, he was super clingy, so I spent a lot of time trying to do normal-people things with a Toddler Turtle Shell.

Todd taught at church on Sunday, and really blew me away.  He is such a great teacher - check out this week's sermon from Malachi on the topic of marriage here.  (If you want to hear about the time someone threw a whole pizza at me because I was being 'shallow', that story is in there.)

The rest of this week has been spent getting together with lots of college gals and friends.  Unsurprisingly, Todd's marriage sermon has stirred the pot in the college quarter, which means lots of fun, deep, real talks, which I just love.  It's been a good week!


Now, if I can just wean Rocco off his paci and move Callista to her own room... Whew.  There's always something to look forward to in future weeks, I guess.