super easy, yummy, pretty bread for guests. or Christmas. or Christmas guests.

Because I've missed out on covering so many things over the last couple of months, I'm going to be bouncing around a lot over the next few weeks as I try to tell you everything I'm hoping to.  So, today, we're discussing Christmas Eve.  Specifically, Christmas Eve Breakfast.  More specifically, Christmas Eve Breakfast Burrito Bread.

I realize that most people would call this like a bread boat, or a breakfast casserole, or something like that.  But I am not most people, and therefore I call it Breakfast Burrito Bread.  (Actually, I just call it that because that's what it smells like.)  I'm pretty sure it tastes better than a breakfast burrito, but as I can't actually eat this myself, and I haven't had a breakfast burrito in nearly a decade, I can't put money on that.  

I can tell you that it gets rave reviews, that the scrambled egg "guts" are delicious even without the bread, and that it definitely looks better than a breakfast burrito.  (I really should not be writing about breakfast burritos while hungry.  Thanks a lot, New Year's Resolution to Stop Eating Like 35k Calories a Day.)

Anyway, looksee: see all that cheese and bread?  You already know this is going to be good.

Okay, without further ado, the bread that has allowed me to sleep in on Christmas Eve morning every year for the past... well, two.  But I just know this is going to be a lifelong keeper.  My children will ask me for this recipe when I'm on my deathbed.  (Actually, I'm never going to die; and also they should have read my blog by then anyway, so if they haven't, they deserve to go breadless for a while to think about what they've done.  Then they can look it up in the archives.)

Okay, without further further ado.

Breakfast Burrito Bread from the Minivan Voorsts, adapted from BHG

• 2 large loaves of unsliced Italian or French bread* 
• 1/2 lb ground Italian or breakfast sausage
• 1/2 of a red bell pepper, chopped
• 1/2 c. sliced green onions
• 10 eggs, beaten
• 2/3 c. heavy cream or half-and-half.  (I'm sure you could probably use milk of whatever fat content you prefer and it would turn out just fine, but didn't your mother teach you better than that? Embrace the fat.)
• Some chopped fresh sage OR basil
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1.5 c. shredded cheese - any kind that melts well will do.  This year's combo of cheddar, colby jack, and mozzarella was fantastic.  I recommend shredding your own, but it's your life.

1. Preheat oven to 350.  Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.  Using a serrated knife, cut a wedge into the tops of the loaves.  Hollow out the center of each loaf, leaving a large cavity, but making sure you don't puncture the crust.  Place loaves on the parchment paper.

2.  In a large skillet, cook sausage and most of the chopped pepper over medium heat until the sausage is cooked through.  (Keep a few little bits of uncooked pepper back.)  Drain off the fat.

3.  In a large bowl, combine eggs, cream, sage/basil, most of the green onion, and salt.  Stir in sausage mixture and 1 cup of cheese.

4.  Pour egg mixture into bread shells.  Sprinkle with remaining cheese, then the remaining chopped peppers and green onions.

5.  Bake 35-40 minutes, or until eggs are set and cheese is nice and bubbly.  Let stand 5-10 minutes before slicing.

NOTE: steps 2 and 3 can be prepped the day before, and the liquid mixture can be kept in the fridge overnight.  Then, in the morning, you can just hollow out the bread, fill it up and top it off, and pop it in the oven. Bingo bango.

*I only fill one bread boat, and scramble the rest of the egg mixture in the skillet.  It's a great, easy way to make a gluten-free option, AND that way you can feed the leftovers to the turtle, too.  

Look how happy this bread has made us.

Print this off, even though it is not formatted for ease of printing, and tuck it away in your recipe binder under "Feasts and Holidays."  You do have a binder, don't you?  And a section for Feasts and Holidays?  Oh, dear.  Maybe I need to show you what you're missing.

world's easiest, yummiest, cheesiest, fattiest, Sundayest alfredo sauce.

Pretty much every Sunday*, I make pasta with homemade alfredo sauce for dinner. Why? Because it's easy, so I don't have to spend my Sunday afternoon cooking or cleaning up a huge kitchen mess; plus, it's relatively inexpensive, and all my People like it, so I don't have to spend my Sunday evening bribing or threatening anyone to eat their dinner. It's the little things like this that help keep Sundays relaxed and enjoyable!

*No part of me would ever assert this is a low-fat recipe. But no part of me thinks you should be living a low-fat lifestyle, so this is for your own good.*

Prep time: 5 minutes
Cook time: 10-15 minutes

Ingredients:
2 TBSP butter
2-100 cloves of peeled and chopped garlic, according to taste and how garlicky you want your breath to end up. (I usually use a whole head of garlic. We like garlic.)
1 oz cream cheese, cut into chunks
1.5 c. heavy cream. (Yes, that's a lot. It's worth it.)
4 oz shredded parmesan cheese

1. Melt butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add garlic and saute for 1-2 minutes, until soft and fragrant, but not browned.

2. Add cream cheese to pan and mash/stir/whip/what-have-you until it's softened and mixed in with the butter. It won't be totally incorporated, and that's fine. Just try to get the big lumps to be less...lumpy. (I should write recipes for a living. I'm good at it.)

3. Stir in heavy cream. Once heated through, add parmesan and allow to melt thoroughly, stirring so it doesn't cook to the bottom of the pan.

Serve this over pasta, and/or it's also so excellent over broccoli or spaghetti squash if you're doing THM or keto.  Topping it all off with strips of grilled chicken isn't the  law or anything, but that's only because the actual jurisdiction of the Flavor Police is more limited than is good for us.

Note: this was written a couple of years ago and posted on Facebook, but I found it got buried and difficult to find on there, so here it is, for posterity's sake!  We still love this recipe, though recently we've switched to cereal for dinner on Sunday nights, because the only thing easier and more restful than a one-pan meal is a no-pan meal.  So now when I pull out this recipe, it's usually during the week.  And who doesn't love an easy weeknight recipe?  No one, that's who.

chicken and rice soup: maybe creamy, possibly with bacon.

This is an updated, expanded edition of a previous blog post.  It just goes to show that this is a classic, staple food at our house, and it's a great way to use up any leftovers from the roast chicken you made last night after my recipe went viral.  Or whatever.  

I make a lot of soup.  A loooooot of soup.  Why? Because #1. I love soup.  I could eat it every day.  #2. It's cheap and easy.  #3. It stretches to feed a lot of people over a lot of days.  #4.  You can make it early in the day so dinner time is less stressful.  #5.  Very little clean up.  #6.  Who doesn't like soup?  #7.  I could really keep going with this list.

Of all the soups in the whole world, I would like to submit that this is the best soup.  It is the Soup of Soups.  It will win over even the staunchest of the soup-averse.  It will win you friends and help you influence people.  In short, it will change your life.

This is The Soup, sans bacon and cream.  It was excellent, but I'm always in favor of leveling up.  Add the bacon and cream if you like to live up to your full potential.

I have two secrets to making an extraordinary soup, which I'll share with you if you promise not to tell anyone.  Are you ready?

1.  Don't use a crockpot.  Please swear to me you won't use a crockpot.  Crockpots take everything good and wonderful in this world and turn it all into flavorless, textureless sadness.  Don't try to convince me that you have some miracle crockpot recipe that will change my mind.  It will not change my mind.  I am unconvinceable.

2.  Cook each component of the soup as though you would be eating it on a plate.  What I mean by that is, like, roast or bake or grill the chicken like you do for other meals; don't boil it to death.  Would you eat boiled chicken by itself on a plate?  No.  Would you eat seasoned, grilled chicken?  Yes.  Sautee the veggies in some good fat; again, don't boil them in the soup broth.  You would not enjoy eating mushy boiled vegetables by themselves.  Think of a good soup as basically a complementary marriage of some awesome individuals; not a hot tub full of the old and leathery.

I never apologize for my terrible food photos, which seem to be always taken under fluorescent lighting after dark.  Maybe I should start apologizing.  But whatever, I trust you can get the gist: these sautéed-in-bacon-grease vegetables are going to taste way better in soup than ones that have been boiled into next year.

Okay, so with that in mind, here is the recipe that has won me more friends in the course of life than my mediocre personality has:

Ingredients:

Veggies:
1 onion, chopped.
3 carrots, peeled and chopped. (or equivalent baby carrots chopped)
3 stalks celery, halved and chopped.
4-6 cloves of garlic, crushed and chopped.  (so much chopping!)

Meat:
1/2 lb bacon, cut into 1/2-inch pieces, optional (kind of).
2 chicken breasts, cooked and chopped into bite size pieces.  (grilled, baked, or roasted in advance.)

Rice:
~2 cups cooked rice, cooked in broth if you have some extra on hand. (I like jasmine or brown basmati because they maintain their structural integrity, even when they've been sitting in the broth for a bit.  I hate it when rice turns to pastemeal in soup.)

Liquids:
4-6 cups broth
1.5 cups heavy cream, optional (I guess).

Seasonings:
1 tsp (ish) salt
1 tsp (ish) pepper
dash of cayenne
1 tsp (ish) rosemary
1 bay leaf

Okay, before we move on, let me give you another unapologetic head's up that my photos are terrible; also, I forgot to take a photo of the finished product with both bacon and cream, so more photos of the un-Bammed soup will have to suffice. 

Directions:

1. If using bacon, fry it right in the soup pot until crispy.  Remove bacon, but the rendered bacon grease in the pot.  If not using, heat a couple tablespoons of olive oil, lard or saved bacon grease over medium heat until shimmery.  (You ARE saving your bacon grease, aren't you?!)

2.  Add veggies to hot oil, season with salt and pepper, and sauté until the onion is translucent and the carrots and celery are soft but not mushy.

3.  Add bacon (if using), cooked chicken, and cooked rice to pot, and add enough broth to cover ingredients by an inch or two.  Add cream if using (and you should be using).  Heat through, and season to taste with salt, pepper, rosemary and cayenne.  Add bay leaf and simmer on low for 20-30 minutes.  Remove bay leaf before serving.

4.  Serve to guests and accept their eternal gratitude with grace when it's offered.
I like to triple or quadruple this recipe when I make it.  When I serve soup, I often serve it two nights in a row because it's so much better the next day, and it makes menu planning so simple in the winter months.  (This week, it is especially nice to have something simple and filling already made and in the fridge, to free up my time for Thanksgiving cooking.)  So I serve two batches in a row, and freeze the rest.  I just leave the broth and cream out of the ones headed to the freezer, and add the liquids later when I'm ready to heat it through and serve it.

Here's how I prep it for the freezer - I can pull it out of the freezer and throw everything together the afternoon before serving, or I can use the individual ingredients in other recipes if I so choose.  I like keeping prepped, flexible, ready-to-eat ingredients on hand.  I also sometimes just throw all the dry ingredients into the same gallon-sized bag, but I always keep the broth separate or it can make everything really mushy when it reheats.

And there you have it.  The best thing that's about to happen to you.

my favorite, easy way to roast a chicken. (and how to keep it from drying out.)

I love making roast chicken.  Chicken producers should pay me for all the advertising I do for the chicken industry.  Other than Colonel Sanders, I don't think there's anyone quite as enthusiastic about chicken as I am.

This is not a chicken I cooked, and it is not a photo I took.  I am just awful at remembering to take pictures of the food I cook because, once dinner's ready, I'm always too busy actually eating it to photograph it.  But I should probably come back and try to swap out this picture for a Van Voorst original at some point.

It took me a while to really get on board the chicken train. (CHICKEN TRAIN?!  I see a children's book idea in there.  Intellectual copyright: Paige Van Voorst, 11/25/19.)  First of all, raw chickens look and feel like babies when you hold them.  They really do.  Second of all, whole chickens always turn out so dry in the oven, but so mushy in the crockpot.  So any effort expended was immediately negated by the fact that I didn't want to actually eat the chicken I'd just slaved over.

But then I found this Thomas Keller recipe (originally in some magazine, way back before Pinterest existed, right after Gutenberg's moveable type made magazines even possible), and my whole world was changed.  I've made a few tweaks to make it even easier than the original recipe (which was hard to do, I must admit), and I've figured out a couple of tricks to guarantee it turns out well every single time - the meat stays moist, while the skin gets really crispy.  To die for.

First, my tips:

1. Get the best quality chicken you can afford. 

While I purchase most grocery items for the lowest prices I can find, because I frequently can't taste a difference between the cheap brands/products and the most expensive ones, I have noticed a difference with chicken.  I have found a non-GMO, pastured option at my local Natural Grocers for $2.50/lb, which is a pretty good price for meat!  (The brand is "Mary's.")  I always use the bones to make around a gallon of chicken stock, which typically costs about $2 per quart, so in my mind, that balances the cost of purchasing a more expensive chicken.  Although, I've also made this recipe with $0.95/lb chickens from Aldi, and it still turns out great, so you can't go wrong either way.

2. Get the raw chicken up to room temperature before even attempting to mess with it. 

I know, I know; there's a bunch of well-founded hysteria surrounding raw chicken.  But you're about to blast this sucker with some high heat, and cook it all the way through, so I feel like the risk of contamination is pretty nil.  Plus, if you invest in higher quality chickens, the risk of bacteria already on the meat from the packaging process is lower.  So I take it out of the fridge at least an hour before prepping it; sometimes it comes out in the morning before I roast it in the afternoon.  COLD MEAT IS DRY MEAT. COLD MEAT IS DRY MEAT.  Make that your kitchen mantra from here on out.

3.  Rinse it clean, and then get it as dry as you possibly can. 

Think: desert conditions.  Would a camel die of thirst if left to wander the surface of this chicken?  If the answer is no, keep drying it off.  I just wrap it in a flour sack towel, and kind of turn it over in my hands and rub it.  (You know; like a baby after a bath.)  Make sure to get the body cavity dry as well.  (NOT like a baby after a bath.)


4.  Blast the heat right at first, then turn the temps down for the remainder of the roasting time. 

This crisps up the skin and seals the moisture inside, without drying it out.

Okay, ready for the recipe?


Ingredients:

1. Whole roasting chicken (average size)

2. Salt, pepper, and garlic powder (this is all I use); or other seasonings of your choice

3. That is all.


Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 425.

2. Rinse chicken well and pat it very dry.

3. Place in shallow baking dish; sprinkle with seasonings to taste. (Get a little bit heavy-handed on the salt, especially if you're using mineral salt or sea salt, which I recommend.)

4. Bake uncovered at 425 for 30 minutes; then turn oven down to 350 and continue to bake another 45 minutes.

5. Remove from oven and allow to rest for 15 minutes before cutting.


And that's everything.  You wash the chicken, stick it in the oven for a little over an hour, pull it out, and dinner is ready.  You can put seasoned root vegetables under the chicken while it roasts if you'd like, just leave it in at 350 for an extra 10-15 minutes.  SO EASY.

When I make this, Todd takes one of the breasts, Atticus and I each have a hindquarter, Penelope eats the wings, and the littler kids split the remaining breast.  It works out perfectly for us.  If we're having guests, or I want some extra chicken to freeze or put in soup, I cook two chickens and add 10-15 minutes to the cooking time on the end.  After we're done eating, I throw the bones in the stockpot and make broth after dinner.  (Recipe coming soon!)

Try this and let me know how it turns out!

Tomorrow, I'll share the soup recipe that I'll be making for dinner tomorrow night, to keep things ubersimple while I'm prepping for Thanksgiving!

my favorite thanksgiving turkey recipe.

I have a recipe for your new favorite way to cook a turkey!

If you've known me or have been reading the blog for a while, this recipe is old news, but I've never gotten around to posting it before Thanksgiving, so I thought I'd give you plenty of time to plan to make it this year.

Just follow me in my turkey-making ways, and I won't steer you wrong.

Train up a child in how to properly cook a turkey, and when they are old they will not depart from it.

I originally got this recipe from Country Living (which used to be the best magazine in the world until it switched editors a few years ago and I actually cried about it.  But luckily the old editor was around long enough to make sure this turkey made it into print).  There are two things about it that make it stand out as amazing:


First, brine.  Do you want to know why your turkey always turns out dry?  It's because you didn't brine it.  Sure, you cover it in butter, but that's not enough when it comes to these things, as proven by the fact that your turkey still comes out dry.  If you love me at all, you will promise me you will start brining your turkey.  Promise me.

This brine has jalapenos and red pepper flakes, which gives the meat some subtle kick that I love, and that I think goes really well with rich gravy and sweet cranberry sauce.  (If you can't tell, I'm thinking ahead to post-Thanksgiving sandwiches with The Moist Maker.)  But really, if you're not into flavor or something, any old brine will do.

Second, bacon.  You heard me right.  I cover it in bacon, just like Ma Ingalls did with jack rabbits.  It keeps the turkey's own moisture from evaporating out, and actually adds additional moisture as the bacon cooks.  Plus, then you have bacon for your sandwich.  I like to think Ma Ingalls would knit me a blue ribbon for this amount of resourcefulness and forethought.  (You will notice the actual recipe calls for high-fallutin' prosciutto, but I am a corn-raised Iowan and hate pretension about as much as I love bacon.  I try to stay true to my ethnic culinary roots when it's convenient to me and I feel like it.)

So, without further ado, here is what you need to know:

You will want to prep this the day before Thanksgiving, as the turkey needs to sit in the brine for at least 12 hours.

For the brine:

1 c. Kosher salt
1/2 c. red pepper flakes
3 cloves of garlic
3 jalapenos
water


For the turkey:

Whole turkey
Spice rub mixture, recipe below
1 lb. bacon


Spice rub mixture:
I will note that this is called "Lonesome Dove Game Rub" in the original recipe, but as I can't bring myself to call it that, and I know that Todd would mock me mercilessly if I even tried to, I am just going to call it "spice rub mixture."

1/4 c. chili powder
1/4 c. kosher salt
2 Tbsp. cumin
1 Tbsp. dried rosemary
1 Tbsp. garlic powder
1 Tbsp. black pepper


Directions:

For brine, IN ADVANCE: In a large pot (I use my canning pot), combine salt, red pepper flakes, garlic, jalapenos and 2 qts. hot water.  Place turkey in pot, breast side down, and cover with cold water until fully submerged.  Cover pot and refrigerate for at least 12 hours.  (Don't overdo it - it will get salty if you leave it in there for too long.  One year I left it in for over 24 hours and almost pickled the guts of the Mormon missionaries we had over.  Whoopsie daisy.)

To cook: Preheat oven to 325.  Drain, rinse, and dry turkey.  Rub liberally with spice rub mixture.  (You may not end up using it all - that's okay.)  Put turkey in a roasting pan, and drape about three-fourths of the bacon over the breast, using toothpicks to secure it.  Wrap the legs and thighs with the remaining bacon.

Roast until a meat thermometer registers 165 degrees in the thigh, about 4 hours, depending on the size of your turkey.  (You might want to look up cook time guidelines).  After the first 1.5 hours or so, you'll want to tent the whole thing with foil so the bacon doesn't burn.

When turkey is done, transfer to a cutting board and let rest for 30 minutes.  After carving, serve hot with bacon on the side or crumbled on top of the slices.  Also, definitely make gravy with the drippings.

You're about to level-up your Thanksgiving.  You're welcome!

sausage and cabbage skillet: your new favorite meal.

FRIENDS.  I am about to make your life so, so good.

What if I told you I had a recipe for the cheapest, easiest, quickest, tastiest, most veggie-filled dish your kids will ever love?  How much would you pay for something like that?  $100? $200? (Can you tell I was a telemarketer for a while?)  Well, today, I'm letting my golden recipe go for just three easy intallments of zero The Bucks.

In all seriousness, my claims are not inflated.  This is one of our favorite meals, and every last kid in the place loves it, including the pickiest eaters.  It involves two cheap ingredients, a few spices and one pan. Prep is nonexistent, and cleanup is nothing.  Ready to jump in?

Sausage and Cabbage Skillet
Total cook time: 20 minutes

Ingredients:
1 bag coleslaw mix* ($1.50 - $3 at Walmart)
1 lb ground pork sausage (any kind - we love mild or Italian) ($2 - $3 at Walmart)
Seasonings of your choice - I use 1-2 tsp salt, 1-2 tsp garlic powder, a dash of dried minced onion, and some pepper, all to taste

Directions:
Heat a large skillet over medium heat (I prefer my 12" cast iron skillet!) and brown your sausage until thoroughly cooked.  Drain sausage and place in a large bowl, leaving the fat in the pan.  (If there's not much fat, add a little cooking oil to the pan, to total about 2 tablespoons or thereabouts).

Add the coleslaw to the pan, season with your favorite seasonings, and sautee until wilted and warm, but still crunchy (5-7 minutes).  Add to the bowl with the sausage, toss together, and serve.

*You can use any coleslaw mix.  We switch it up, sometimes using regular coleslaw, other times using broccoli slaw, and other times using a "Super Blend" sold at Walmart that has Napa cabbage, shredded brussels sprouts, kale, and other shredded yummies.  In fact, because we double this recipe when I make it, I often use a couple different kinds at once.  The kids like them all.  The broccoli slaw is the crunchiest option, and the regular coleslaw ends up the softest, if that helps.

This was made with broccoli slaw and Power Blend, and mild pork sausage.

A quick note:  This is a very low-carb meal, so I often like to serve it with something easy on the side for the kids.  Regardless of what current diet fads tell you, growing and developing bodies need fat, protein and healthy carbohydrates at each meal.  Milk is pretty high in carbs, so I sometimes don't sweat it too much, but my biggest kids prefer water with their meals, and they have the highest calorie needs anyway, so I will try to figure out how to get easy carbs into them when I serve this.  An apple or some bread and butter are easy peasy options.

how to make sheet pan pancakes ("sheetpancakes," because I just can't resist). grain-free recipe!

I posted a photo on Instagram last week of my latest shortcut in the kitchen: baking my pancakes on a cookie sheet instead of standing in front of the stove for a half an hour, churning out little individual disks.  Seriously, so easy.

View this post on Instagram

Lazy mom's pancake process: bake batter on a cookie sheet for 15 minutes; read Harry Potter while you wait for breakfast to cook, instead of standing over the skillet like a chump. Win at life, receive accolades from your kids.

A post shared by Paige Van Voorst (@theminivanvoorsts) on Nov 30, 2018 at 7:42am PST

You can really use any pancake batter for this, and there is no real science behind the method (that I'm aware of).  Make your batter, pour it into a pan, bake at 375 for around 15 minutes, or until it's firm in the middle.  Then you can just use a knife or a pizza cutter to blast those babies into like twenty little rectangles.  It could not be simpler to prepare, and not a single kid raises a stink about the fact that pancakes are square and not round, because they never really cared about pancake shapes to begin with.

(Before I go any farther, I would like to point out that I am anything but a food photographer; I am a mom who just pulled pancakes out of the oven, whose kids are foaming at the mouth and threatening a full-on riot if I don't hurry up and get these things cut and served.  So, like with any meal served at our house, the mantra behind the food photography on this blog is, "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit.")

I used to use just a simple, run-of-the-mill pancake recipe, but I've been getting kind of experimental lately, because pancakes always make me feel so stinking nauseous.  I cannot for the life of me figure out why, because it's not like they contain any ingredients that bug me in other foods.  Before I was gluten-free, normal pancakes made me feel sick, and once I went gluten-free, I figured that changing to a normal gluten-free recipe would work, but I haven't had any luck.  Both boxed mixes and from-scratch recipes leave me wanting to hurl afterward, even though I really like the taste of pancakes.  It's the weirdest thing.

So I've been experimenting with grain-free pancakes, and let me tell you, these are INCREDIBLE.  My kids can't tell the difference between these and Bisquick boxed mix.  (Which food snobs might misconstrue as me saying these are no better than factory food, but you know what?  When SIX KIDS eat these without batting an eyelash, I refuse to turn up my nose.)  And what's more, I don't feel sick when I eat them.  That, friends, is an all-around win.

Not sure if you can see well in this photo, but the "crumb" of these is not dense, and not crumbly or gritty either, the way some gluten-free or grain-free baked goods can get.  It's soft and spongy and moist (three words that are only positive descriptors of food and nothing else), but they are much more filling than typical pancakes, and they don't spike your blood sugar!

Our Grain-Free Oven Pancake Recipe

This will fill a single sheet pan.  I normally double this recipe for our family, but that's to feed seven of us at breakfast time.  Likely you won't need to double this if your family is smaller, as these are extremely filling.

6 oz cream cheese
6 eggs
splash of water or milk of choice
1.5 c. almond flour
1.5 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1 Tbsp sugar (I use a Trim Healthy Mama approved substitute to make these low-carb and blood sugar friendly!)


Preheat oven to 375.

Soften the cream cheese in the microwave, then puree in blender with eggs and milk.  Add almond flour, baking powder, cinnamon, salt, and sugar, and puree until fully incorporated.  Add more milk or flour to adjust the consistency, which should be a little thin but not runny.  Let stand for 1-2 minutes to thicken.

Pour into a greased cookie sheet.  Bake for 12-15 minutes, until center is firm and edges are golden brown.  Butter the top, then cut into squares.

The maple syrup totally cancels out all the Trim Healthy Mama, blood sugar friendly aspects, but what are pancakes without syrup?  My pancreas took one for the team.

And there you have it!  The easiest way ever to produce crazy amounts of pancakes with almost no expended effort.  Juuuuust the way I like things.

how to make kombucha. (both regular and flavored!)

A week or two ago, I posted this adorable little clip of my happy kombucha, doing its bubbly thang.

Second ferment done on my raspberry kombucha and it is HAPPY.

A post shared by Paige Van Voorst (@theminivanvoorsts) on Jul 26, 2018 at 2:22pm PDT

It seemed to spark a lot of interest and curiosity, so I thought I'd give you the run-down on how to go about making this heavenly goodness in your very own kitchen (if you're not already).

Kombucha is essentially just a fermented sweet tea - so it's fizzy and sweet-tasting, and high in B vitamins and live probiotic cultures, but low in sugar when brewed at home.  It kind of has an apple cider vinegar taste, but like, in a good way.


First Ferment (Regular Kombucha)

What you'll need to make a 1 gallon:
SCOBY
1 cup of 'starter' kombucha (already brewed)
4 c. + 12 c. water
5 tea bags (regular black tea works best when you're just starting; NO herbal teas.)
1 c. white sugar (no honey or coconut sugar or anything.)

You will also need a basic gallon-sized glass jar to brew it in, a cloth for the top (tea towels or thickly folded cheesecloth work great;), and a rubber band or canning band to secure the cloth to the jar.

Okay, so let's talk SCOBY, which stands for "Symbiotic Culture of Bacteria and Yeast."  Basically, it's alive.  It's kind of like a rubbery mushroom, and it's probably going to gross you out.  Give it a name to help you quickly get over that hump.  Todd named ours Scoby Bryant, but he would like you to know that Scoby Doo and Scoby Flenderson are both viable name options up for grabs.

Where do you get a SCOBY, you might ask?  Well, you can order one (this one is consistently recommended, even though the listing looks janky), or you can just ask around.  Any friend of yours who's already making this likely has a SCOBY baby to share.  These things multiply like rabbits.  Or, really, rabbits multiply like SCOBYs.  In addition to the SCOBY itself, you're also going to need about a cup of 'starter': already-brewed kombucha to get the party going.

So, now you have your SCOBY and your starter, so get them in your jar.  (I make two gallons at a time, so I have multiple jars going.)

Bring 4 cups of water to a boil, then turn off heat.  Add tea bags and sugar, and steep for 3-5 minutes.  Stir to incorporate sugar, then add 12 more cups of cold water, to get the tea down to room temperature more quickly.

Once the tea has cooled to room temp, add it to the jar.  Secure a cloth over the top.

Let it sit out on the counter for 7-10 days.  Actually, when you're first starting out and your SCOBY is still gaining strength, it will probably take closer to 14 days.  It will start growing a filmy new SCOBY on top, and the smell will change from sweet to almost vinegar-like.  The kombucha itself will change from a deep brown to an amber color.

You can always test where it's at in the fermentation process by gently sticking a stainless steel straw down the side to taste it, being careful not to disturb the SCOBY more than necessary.  When it's ready, it will taste a lot like slightly fizzy, sour-sweet apple cider.

It's not an exact science - when you like the taste of it, consider it done!  The longer you let it ferment, the less sugar it will contain (this is what the SCOBY cultures actually eat), but it can get too sour if you let it go too long, so just experiment.  As you continue to make new batches, it will take less and less time for it to 'arrive' - your SCOBY will get thicker with each brew, so it will eat through the sugar more quickly.  When your SCOBY gets so thick that it's brewing TOO quickly, simply divide it and share a SCOBY baby with another friend!

At this point, you can consider your kombucha ready to drink, orrrrr….

...make it fruity and even more fizzy! (Yes, please!)



Second Ferment (Flavored Kombucha)

What you'll need:

Air-tight jars or bottles
Fruit (or fruit juice) of your choice

Add fruit or fruit juice to each jar.  (I really like raspberries in mine, so for reference, I typically drop 6-10 berries into each 16 oz bottle.  Play around with amounts, you really can't mess this up.)  Top each jar with kombucha.  I do this in the sink, to keep the mess contained.  Make sure you keep about a cup reserved to use as a starter for your next batch.

Seal each bottle tightly, and let sit out at room temperature.  Aren't they so pretty?

Store-bought kombucha bottles work really well for the second ferment.  These Synergy bottles don't seal as tightly as the Kevita ones do, I've noticed, so they don't get as fizzy.  If you're buying store kombucha to use the bottles later, go with Kevita.  And, if I'm making suggestions, try the Tart Cherry flavor. SO GOOD.

After a day, you'll want to 'burp' your bottles - open them and then reclose them to release any built up carbonation.  Kombucha has been known to build up so much pressure that it can actually shoot the cap off the bottle, or even explode.  (Ask me how I know.)  It's a delicate balance - open them once to release the high pressure, but avoid opening them after that, as they'll lose the carbonation.   After they're sealed again, return to the counter for another day or two... or four or five, like I do; I like mine pretty well-done, but I do take the risk of them building up a bunch of pressure again by leaving them out so long.

You'll start to notice the fruit and the liquid changing color as the flavors from the fruit infuse the kombucha.

My favorite flavor combination so far is raspberry-ginger, but thanks to a tip from my friend Melissa, I started putting peaches in it, and HOLY COW do they make it fizz up!  If you like a lot of bubbles, you should definitely try using peaches.

Once they've been allowed to sit out on the counter for a couple of days, move them to the fridge to stop the fermentation process.  You'll probably want to strain out the fruit pieces before drinking, but other than that, they're ready to go!

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I know, I know.  It sounds like a lot.  I waited months before trying this because it all seemed really complicated.  But just jump in - you'll find it's basically just a matter of brewing some sweet tea and letting it sit out for a few days.  That's easy enough, right?



I'm curious - what's your favorite flavor?  Do you have any fruit suggestions for me to try next?  I'm kind of on a kombucha kick right now, so I'm in an experimenting mood!