introducing: laurelai. (on her fifth birthday!)

Happy birthday, little Lolo!

You are so very sweet.  You love all things girlie and tiny and cute.  You love wearing dresses, and singing, and drawing with all the brightest colors in the box.  You love My Little Pony and any movie where the good guy wins.  You take dainty little bites, and hardly ever swallow any food, and it is no surprise that you are still so nugget-sized.  (Though, you are also pure lean muscle - "Meatsticks" is still an apt and affectionate nickname.)

You are stunningly beautiful, and often solicit smiles from strangers in public - although no one stays a stranger for long, since you're so quick and eager to make friends!  You have the tiniest, twinkliest little voice, and everything you say is inherently adorable just because you're the one to say it.

You are little, but you are just full of personality.  You are passionate.  You are a feeler, and so imaginative.  You are quick to apologize, and always desire to be on right terms with people.  You hate being embarrassed or feeling conspicuous.  You are quick to offer a goofy giggle or tell a funny joke you made up.  You are a cheerful helper, and love taking care of Stumpi.

You have been our surprise party, our best bombshell.  You came at exactly the right time, when we needed you most.  You have been an absolute joy to know, and I am so looking forward to many more days of watching you grow as a joy-filled, life-loving, deeply passionate person.

My prayer for you is that you would always know whose you are.  That you would never question if you're loved or valuable, and that you would cling tightly to Truth.  That you would do hard things with great courage, and that you would be a woman of conviction and integrity and creativity.  That you would be known for your passionate pursuit of God and his goodness, and that you would find extravagant joy and deep contentment in him.  You are delicate and strong, and I pray you will never grow out of that.

Happy fifth birthday, Lo.  You are our best and favorite you.

introducing: Rocco.

ROCKYYYYY!

How I adore this little buddy.  He is so sweet and affectionate.  He'll often come over just to give me a kiss on the cheek, and his favorite thing to play is, "I Love You; I Love You, Too."  (It's just me saying, "I love you," and him saying, "I love you, too," over and over.)  He still has that toddler pudginess and softness that is just so fun to cuddle.

I know I say this about all my kids, but I'm pretty sure he's a genius.  He keeps up with the big kids like it's no big deal, and he's so articulate.

He is also a bruiser.  He is built like a bowling ball, and he lives his life accordingly.  His favorite activity is jumping off the furniture, yelling, "PAYAKORN! JUMP!"  (If you need a toddler translator, that means "Parkour! Jump!")  His skull is apparently made of concrete mixed with diamond dust, and I'm hoping the rest of his bones are equally unyielding, or I anticipate regular trips to the E.R.  I'm quite confident he will one day do a full-on Kool-Aid Man through one of my walls, "Oh YEAH" and all.

He loves playing with his siblings and holding our turtle, Stumpi.  (Yes, Stumpi-With-an-I.  Turns out she's a female, and it also turns out that my life has come to involve sex-typing turtles.)  He loves dressing up as soldiers and superheroes, and loves getting included any time the boys play D-Day (which is always).  He has a special relationship with Penelope, who is diligently teaching him everything he needs to know.  She has made him an exercise booklet (with illustrations, since he's not reading yet), written a how-to-read textbook (the mastery of which will probably warrant a second, more verbal exercise booklet), and is currently teaching him all the animal sounds.  She really adores him, and the feeling is mutual.

His eyes are so beautiful - they change color!  They're most often a steely grey color, but lately there has been some gold around the pupil, and they will even turn green sometimes in the sun.

Oh, buddy.  Your name means "rest."  I prayed and prayed that you would be easier than you had to be, that you would be a source of healing after a really difficult season, and you have been.  Other than being a massive giant newborn, you have brought the chill with you.  You have brought joy and delight.  Life would be so much worse without you, little friend.

My prayer for you is that you throw your whole self into pursuing God, and that you win others to run that race alongside you.  I pray you would always be a source of comfort and rest for weary people, like you have been to me.

introducing: Finneas.

Oooohhhhhhh, Finneas.  How do I even begin to package him up with words?  How could I ever possibly smoosh him that small, when even his whole body isn't enough to adequately contain him?  I will do my best, but it won't be enough.

This boy is a force.  He embraces every single thing in his life with reckless, screaming-breathless abandon.  He has never once, to my knowledge, experienced anything remotely resembling neutrality on any topic.  He loves hard, plays hard, feels hard, cries hard, laughs hard.  

He has my entire heart in his hands, and if he's not careful with it, he'll likely squeeze it tight enough to give me a heart attack.  He has this incredible ability to simultaneously make me want to rip out all my hair, and also give him anything he'd ever ask for just to show him how extravagantly I love him.  (Nothing could be enough to show him.)  He stirs up in me raw, aching affection, and I love him for that.

Finneas has taught me so much about passion, and about patience.  He has taught me to have faith.  At the very moment each day (each hour) that I get ready to chuck him out a window, I am reminded to see past what is in front of me, and to become aware, yet again, of the greatness that lives in him.  I really believe, deep in the core of who I am, that he is a world-changer.  He is a future great man in a wild little boy's body.  He will one day rip scepters from the fists of despots.  Nothing will stop him, nothing will hold him, nothing will scare him.  He is greatness.

Finneas was named after Phinehas in the Bible - a warrior priest.  His name means 'zealous.'  He is everything we hoped for him - he is blue fire, and I pray constantly that we would be the kind of parents who can be entrusted to stoke well something so dangerous and consuming and valuable.

Darlin', you have been so good for me.  I love you so much it hurts.  One day God will reveal his amazing, specific, high purposes for your life, and when he does, I am excited to watch you seize your calling with an unrelenting, white-hot grasp.  I am honored to have held your greatness, to have gotten to be your mom.

introducing: callista. (happy birthday, little one!)

Today is Callista's first birthday!  Time has flown.  I know I say it all the time, but I am just dumbstruck by how quickly it has gone.

This girl has been such a means of grace to me.  In some ways, she has been my most challenging baby, and yet she's somehow simultaneously so easy.  I have seen God provide the grace I needed to face each challenge this past year with patience and flexibility that I really didn't know I had.  Callista is a constant reminder that I need my children - I need them to push me, and grow me, and open me up to the supernatural work of the Spirit.  I need them to show me that God is not content to let me be my stinky old self, but wants to make me new - and has the power to do so.  I am different because I received her.

The Bible says that "Women... will be saved through childbearing, if they continue in faith, love and holiness, with self-control." When we let Scripture interpret itself, we understand that it doesn't refer to eternal salvation.  I really believe that childbearing - creating and nurturing new life - saves us from ourselves and our prideful patterns of self-centeredness and sin, because it pushes us to live in faith, love and holiness on a level that we wouldn't choose for ourselves otherwise.  I still have a long way to go before I 'arrive', but Callista has been such a means of grace to me, challenging my selfishness and self-centeredness and self-righteousness, and I am so thankful.

She is such a love.  She's a tiny nugget (I'm going to weigh her today, but I'm guessing she's around 15-16 pounds).  She's in six-month clothing, and size 3 diapers.  She has six teeth - her two front top teeth, plus one on the left side, and her two front bottom teeth, plus one on the right side!  Her lopsided grin melts me.

She's a total champ when it comes to eating - she ate almost two whole scrambled eggs in a sitting yesterday, and is finally starting to get the hang of drinking from a sippy cup.  She eats 2-3 table meals a day, and nurses 4-5 times still.  She is sleeping much better than she was - two naps per day, plus about 12 hours at night.

She is crawling and cruising.  She doesn't talk yet, but she'll mimic sounds and tones of voice.  She loves to fake laugh to get anyone in the general vicinity to laugh back at her.  She hates to be far from me, and unless she's eating, she doesn't like being put down for very long while awake.

She is so very, very loved around here.  Rocco and Penelope are especially adoring fans.

I don't know how we lived without her.  She is so cuddly and sweet and beautiful.

My prayer for her is that she would continue to grow up strong, happy, healthy and safe.  I pray she would always know how precious she is, and how she has felt like such a gift from Day One.  I pray she would never feel overlooked or lost in the crowd of kids, but that she would know that she's always been loved as an individual.  I pray that she would grow to know and love Jesus, and that she would be brave enough to live a life in pursuit of him.  What I want most for her is that she would rest absolutely confident in his love for her and his purposes for her life.

"Callista" means beautiful - the kind of majestic, all-surpassing beauty that makes someone feel immediately awestruck and grateful in its presence.  "Awestruck" and "grateful" are two perfect words to describe how I feel being her mom, and I pray for so many days with her, getting to know her better and love her more and more each day.

Happy birthday, Lissa Lou!  We love you so much!

introducing: penelope.

Meet Penelope.

If you don't know her personally yet, you are missing out.  She is incredible.  I'm afraid I won't even be able to describe her adequately.

She is soft and compassionate.  She is tender-hearted towards people and animals.  She looks for ways to serve and care for others, and is especially good with babies.  She mostly spends her allowance on gifts for other people, and is a truly epic gift-giver.  She often spends her days making things to show her siblings how much she cares for them.  She delights in surprising the other kids by occasionally doing their chores for them, or making them a lunch she knows they'll like.

But she is also strong.  She is passionate and driven, and self-controlled.  She is a truth-speaker, and confessional about her own sin.  She is hungry for growth, and so incredibly wise.  I am just in awe of her maturity and depth, and she is an example for me in my own walk with Christ.

She is my right hand around the house.  I honestly don't know what I'd do without her.  She is quick to help me, and quick to cheer me up if I'm in a funk.  She is an absolute joy to be around - she's so witty and affectionate and intelligent.  She is responsible without resentment - she is so eager to help in whatever ways she can.

One thing I love about Penelope is that she's endlessly interested.  She's curious about, and engaged with, the world around her.  Her mind is almost superhuman in what it can comprehend, remember and form connections with.

She has big dreams for herself when she grows up: while she has so many different creative interests that I'm absolutely positive she'll pursue to excellence (cooking and baking, writing, playing and composing music, singing, dancing), the goal she talks most often about is farming.  She would love to operate an organic, humane, diversified farm, and sell the products she raises.  (At a discount for veterans, of course.)  She wants to marry someone who's also passionate about farming, and have a large family.

She brings so much joy, creativity, fun and curiosity into our lives.

My prayer for her is that she will continue to understand grace more and more deeply.  She is so incredibly hard on herself sometimes, and I pray she will always find comfort in Jesus' declaration that "It is finished."  She is enough - as she is, where she is - because she is wrapped up in and covered by the righteousness of Christ.  I pray she would be quick to believe God when he defines her identity.  I pray she would have the courage to stay both soft and strong as she grows.  I pray that I would never forget to tell her how much I respect her and take pride in her, and that she will find a husband who cherishes her and puts his full trust in her.  I pray she will be able to have all the kids she wants, and that I'd get the honor of watching her be a mother someday.

Penen, you are a gift.  You are so valuable and unique and precious to us.  What a bright spot you have been in our lives!

introducing: atticus.

Okay, if you've been reading for any length of time, Atticus is not a new face around here.  But I thought I'd take a quick minute to highlight each kiddo individually, and I thought I'd start with Atticus because, well, it kind of all starts with Atticus.  This blog itself started as an announcement when we were first expecting him!

So, without further ado, here's the man of the hour:

To answer a commonly-asked question, yes, he is named after Atticus Finch.  In the novel, To Kill a Mockingbird, Atticus Finch is compassionate, wise, humble, respectable and just.  He is committed to doing the right thing, even at the risk of great cost to himself.  He was also seen as a great father in the eyes of his daughter, and the name Atticus has come to mean 'father-like,' by definition.  We wanted all those things for our son, and he is absolutely carrying his name well.

He is nine-and-a-half, going on twenty-five.  But that's always been the case.  I remember him at eighteen months, taking so much joy in just lining up and organizing his toys.  He is methodical and thoughtful and a stickler for the RIGHT way of doing things.  He is the kind of kid that, if unsure whether something is allowed or not, he automatically assumes it's not, and he doesn't try it.  He is not a rebel, but is very committed to the concept of authority - both in wielding it, and submitting to it.

He loves justice and order, and has talked passionately for the past four or five years about one day joining the service.  He is often found walking around sporting helmets and gear, and pretending to fight off the Nazis.  He is deeply interested in, and knowledgeable about, both world wars, but especially WWII.

For as 'black and white' as he can be, he is also so tender-hearted, compassionate and artistic.  His mind is incredible.  Often, if he's processing through something emotionally or mentally, he likes to draw it on paper.  It's like his hands just need to graphically organize and illustrate his thoughts.  He is an internal processor, so he doesn't like a whole lot of talking when he's wrestling with his thoughts, and he's an introvert.  When he's feeling overwhelmed, he likes to retreat to a quiet place for a while.  He often keeps things to himself, but when the floodgates open, he's able to communicate on a deep, introspective level.

He loves babies, and talks often about how excited he is to be a husband and father someday.

He is thoughtful and servant-hearted around the house, frequently looking for opportunities to help his siblings with their chores, or help me with my work load.  Of all my kids, he's the most likely to come up to me unprompted and give me a big hug and a quiet, "I love you, Mom."

For Atticus, my biggest prayer is that he would be brave enough to do the things God calls him to.  I pray he would be both a great man, and a good man.  I pray I would be a brave enough mom to let him be brave - to not fight against his pursuit of his calling because of my own fears.  I pray he would find a wife who adores all his amazing qualities, and trusts his integrity and leadership.  And I pray he will get to be a dad to lots of kiddos, and that he would train them up well in the knowledge and instruction of the Lord.

That's my Atticus.  My strong, quiet, intelligent, integrous, sweet, creative Atticus.