'what's up' weekly.

I'M WRITING THE WORLD'S FASTEST BLOG POST!  Hold onto your britches.

Lucky for me, I have literally zero photos from the last couple of weeks to edit and post, with the exception of a few photos of post-bath Callista that I'm saving for blackmail purposes someday, so the lack of photos should keep things short and sweet (though much less visual).

For the sake of time, I'm going to use a bulleted list of highlights from the past two weeks!  BECAUSE I'M EFFICIENT AND VERY FAST!

• In a series of truly unfortunate events, a pane of glass fell out of a frame hanging in the girls' room.  As I wasn't ready to fix it right away, I set the glass against my bed to await action.  Rocco decided later in the morning that he was going to jump on my bed, but not gracefully, so he rocketed himself off the edge, and hit the glass on the way down.  Or, so I had to conclude from the incoherent screaming and horrific, slimy blood trail leading from my room into the bathroom.  I soaked his sliced up foot, which promptly sent him into shock, so he started shaking and his eyes started rolling around in his head.  Once I got everything bandaged, he promptly passed out on the couch.  Fun way to spend the morning.
  
  
• Subsequently, I took Rocco in for his first semi-emergency visit.  We haven't dealt with too many serious wounds so far in my parenting journey (KNOCK ON WOOD), so I wasn't sure if this was doctor-worthy or not.  The doctor ended up washing it out with soap and water, and putting some steri-strips on it.  The steri-strips lasted approximately twelve hours, and then we were back to where we started, so the whole endeavor was kind of a bust, but oh, well.  He still won't let me touch his toe, so I have no idea how it's healing under the bandaid.  The fact that the toe hasn't fallen off or turned a weird color is at least a comfort.
  
  
• Atticus took his bi-monthly trip to Kansas City with Todd this week so that he could get his orthotropic appliance expanded.  He's really doing great with it, and I'm really loving this process of straightening his teeth by encouraging better jaw development.
  
  
• Todd taught at Salt last night and was told he's 'looking hip' in his new glasses.  That's high praise for a near-forty-year-old in a room full of college students.  He didn't feel the need to point out the fact that his new glasses are trifocals.
  
  
• The weather has finally taken a turn for the tolerable, so the kids have spent a lot of time outside this week.  Praise the Lord for the ability to be outside comfortably for the first time since May!  (Sidenote, my garden is very neglected, and the community garden program I'm part of sent representatives to see how it's doing, and they spent the whole time documenting my various weeds for a new publication they're working on.  I think the topic is 'how not to garden.')
  
  

Look at me, the fastest blogger in the worrrrrrrrrld! That only took me... er, twenty minutes.  Is that fast?  I have so little real-life context for these things anymore.  Well, it's fast for me, as I usually log about an hour per post, so I'm counting those forty minutes I just saved as a WIN and applying them toward watching a future episode of 7th Heaven.  That's what I call an investment in my future.

Just call me the Time Savin' Maven.  (Or something less dumb.)

walk this way. (into the woods, that is.)

You know what, guys?  Just call me Super Nature Mom (or something similar, but cooler), because I've had a lot of opportunities lately to brag about how I'm taking my kids out on nature walks, and letting them go all Wild + Free, and cultivating a really earthy experience for their childhoods and all.  What can I say?  I'm basically an expert now, and my children are osmoting wilderness skills directly through the soles of their Chacos.

See?  Look at us, Nature-ing!

When I Nature, I like to do it sitting down.  But not directly in the grass because that's a surefire way to end up wicking moisture into my pants and getting made fun of by whatever resident hooligan decides it's his job to point it out.  So I Nature from the elevated stands.

Penelope also likes to Nature as a spectator.  It gives her plenty of time for girl chats, and keeps stuff from getting into her shoes, which are open-toed and not at all appropriate for the terrain.  I will neither confirm nor deny whether I was the parent who thought shorts and sandals would be 'totally fine' for hiking.

See?  For all the naysayers who would assert that I'd be better off walking around and exploring, I have physical evidence that the best things about being outside can be enjoyed from the comfort of a seat on a jagged boulder.

I think it's clear we returned home as rugged conquerors and fearless outdoorsmen.

I should probably just graduate them from homeschool now, since I've met all the Instagram requirements for a well-rounded childhood.  Onward and upward, little survivalists!  You are now equipped for a college education and a fulfilling adulthood!

well, that didn't go as planned.

Yesterday morning, the kids and I headed up to the Amish for our weekly farm pick-up.  I normally have a pretty fail-proof system for packing the back of the van so that everything rides securely on the way home.  All my milk bottles fit into two milk crates, and I usually rest eggs on top of these, or on the front seat.  Next to my milk crates, I wedge in a small cooler with bottles I pick up for a friend.  Between all this, and the foldable wagon I take to help me haul the full crates to the van once the bottles have been filled, everything is pretty locked down.

Imagine a little cooler wedged in there between the wagon and the milk crate.

Yesterday, however... (I think you can see where this is going).  Yesterday, I didn't have my friend's cooler along - she still wanted milk, but had forgotten to bring her cooler and bottles in advance.  So I just borrowed a couple of plastic jugs from the Amish gal we get milk from, and figured they would be fine riding flat next to my milk crates.

WRONG-O.

I got home, opened the back hatch, and immediately saw that one of the milk jugs had tipped over, spilling about three-quarters of its contents.  However, when I looked under the jug, the carpet was suspiciously dry - where had all the milk gone?

Well, friends, it had followed a narrow channel of carpet all the way from the back, past the two bench seats, and puddled on the floor by the front passenger seat.  There was milk spilled the entire length of my van.  By the time I walked around to the side to see what the damage was, milk was literally pouring out the bottom seal of the sliding door, onto the driveway.

So instead of cozying up with the kids in the afternoon, doing read-alouds and drinking tea, I spent THREE HOURS cleaning out the van.  Why three hours?  Well, because first I had to remove a bunch of car seats in order to get the bench seat out of the back.  Then, I covered everything in baking soda to suck up the moisture and absorb the milk smell.  Then I vacuumed the baking soda, but because the carpet was still somewhat wet, I needed a second go-round with the baking soda.  Then, when I tried vacuuming that up, the wet pasty mess clogged the Shop Vac.  So then I had to wait for everything to dry, and try again with the house vacuum.  Once that was vacuumed up, I tried an upholstery cleaner spray I found in the garage... the instructions of which directed me to spray it on, scrub it in, let it dry, and then vacuum it up.

So in all, I vacuumed my van four times.  And did it help?  Sort of.  At least I got the baking soda cleaned up, but my van still smells like milk.  And it's only September in Missouri, so I fully anticipate another stretch of 80+-degree days to hit us here soon, which will really allow that milky smell to fully express its true self.  Looking forward to it!

And that is how my day went yesterday.  How was yours?

take a walk on the wild side. (i mean, a drive through the wildlife loop.)

One of our favorite things to do when we're up in Custer is to take a drive through the Custer State Park wildlife loop.

There are so many things to see - buffalo, burros, deer, sheep, prairie dogs, active duty military running drills in full gear.  You know.  But in the past we have typically driven through at sunset, when the animals are active but the visitor's center is closed.

This year, we went during the day, and had a blast.  Obviously, we saw plenty of animals, though Atticus was bummed there weren't any military drills happening this year.

But the biggest highlights were the two visitor centers within the park.

We even found a rock climbing wall, and the kids were seriously in heaven.  If anyone has any ideas of what it would take to install a kids' climbing wall in our basement, I'd be interested to chat with you.  I've been thinking for a while it would be a good Christmas gift for them, but once they were actually able to try one, it was obvious they'd love it.

The kids were doing awesome through the visitor center - curious, engaged, quiet enough.  Apparently it wasn't enough to deter a couple of people from making negative comments to me and Todd about the number of kids we have.  It was a true joy to get to justify our kids' existence to complete strangers.  But oh well.  In the immortal words of Taylor Swift, "haters gonna hate."  Shrug.


After the climbing wall, we were headed into the Imax theater room to watch a movie about Custer State Park.  (Narrated by Kevin Costner!  Honestly, I always get him mixed up with Kevin Spacey and Kevin Kline - the entire movie, I thought I was listening to the voice of Marcus Skinner from Orange County.  HOWEVER.  I would not tell the dear people of South Dakota these things - they dearly love their Kevin Costner, who seems to dearly love them in return.)

Since Team Negative Nancies headed into the theater shortly before us, I knew we could all benefit from a little powwow before going in ourselves.  ("Some people don't know yet that large families are great! Let's show them what a blessing we can be by behaving well - sitting quietly, watching the movie without wiggling or talking, and being respectful to the people around us.")  In all honesty, it sometimes stinks knowing that critical eyes are occasionally on us, expecting us to fail and then attributing our failures to large family choices at large.  It stinks being the 'face' of large families to some - we are, after all, just a group of intensely human people.  But at the same time, it's also a privilege that we get the chance to show people that children don't have to be stressful, chaotic burdens, even in large numbers.  (Go figure, right?)

Pre-game Pep Talk

Callista was apparently not listening during pre-game warm up, so she was benched.  She hung out with Todd outside the theater while the rest of us finished the movie.  She wasn't mad bout it.

After the movie, we all got to spend a little time doing our favorite things - the kids got to spend some time out in nature...

...and I got to get some tacos from a street truck back in town.

Does it bother me that the word "authentic" is intentionally scraped out of the lettering on the side of the truck?

Tacoooooooos.

Nope.  I may or may not have gone back out for more once the kids were down for naps.  And any day that ends with me getting street tacos twice is a good day, indeed.

post-vacation old-person hangover is a THING.

I heard somewhere once that you know you have a large family when you spend longer packing for vacation than you spend on the vacation itself.  This is true.

What I had not been previously informed of is that you know you must be old and raising a large family when it takes you longer to recover from going on vacation than the time you spent packing and on vacation combined.

If that really is the case, I must be ancient and my family must be massive, because HOT DANG, Y'ALL.  I still cannot get off the couch, and we've been home for six days now.  What is wrong with me?!

I seriously feel like I lost a cage match.  Yesterday, I did actually rouse myself long enough to drive up to the Amish and stop at the grocery store on the way home, but by the time I even walked in the door of the grocery store, I was famished and nearing total expiration.  It led to some... bad decisions.  For lunch yesterday, I ate sushi, a bean burrito, and clam chowder.  (I'll grant that this may be part of the reason that I feel like walking death.)

So this is me saying that I am now thirty-two years old and clearly on my way to the grave.  I take naps at 10:30 a.m.  I eye-roll at people with tattoos.  (Yes, yes. I realize they hypocrisy, but everyone else's tattoos are ugly and were clearly impulsive.)  I have it on my mental list to purchase both orthotic inserts for my Toms, and hot rollers.  I say things like, "When I was your age..." and, "These people and their gadgets..."

Why it didn't occur to me that it would take me a million years to recover from going on vacation is beyond me, but maybe that's just an indication of faulty faculties.

Whatever.  Off to take a nap.

been hangin' around (the house).

The first couple of days in South Dakota, we just hung around the house, recovering from our long drive and getting our bearings.  It sounds low-key enough, but we definitely didn't lack for things to occupy our time.

Brothers being tough guys.

Riding on the Harley with Grandpa Tony.

More tough guy shenanigans.

Coloring some trolls.

Girl chats with Grandma Jacqi.

Girl chats with... someone.

Reading books, because vacation.

Tuckered out.  I feel you, buddy.

Brothers on the Gator.

Duck Hunt.

Off-roading.

Whew.  I'm tired just scrolling through those photos.  I need to go lie down.

life in the fast lane. (because the speed limit in SD is 80, FYI.)

You guys didn't think I'd tell you we went on a road trip and then fail to blog about it?  Ho, ho. No.  Prepare yourselves for a long stretch of play-by-play commentary.  Sure, I might intersperse it with more hard-hitting and timely news pieces like whether or not I'm about to buy a pair of Ugg moccasins for my eight-year-old daughter, who will have no concept of the value of her footwear, and what I think about the identity crisis inherent in motherhood, and my expert opinion on the current political climate (ooooh, clickbait!  Immediate loss of readership no matter what I say!).  It's journalism like this that keeps you coming back, amiright?

However, today we're going to keep it light and fun and current.  Day One of our trip to South Dakota: Life on the Road!

We left around 5:00 a.m., and I fed the kids protein bars for breakfast on the drive.  Berry-flavored ones.  HUGE mistake.  Around the seedy business district of Kansas City, we had a major explosive-vomit incident in the back seat.  I will never smell anything berry-scented the same way again, and the remaining bars in the package have been thrown away, as none of the kids can stomach them after seeing and smelling that disaster take place.

Off to a good start.

We arrived at our first stop around 9:00.  It was a playground rest stop, and it was, of course, raining.  However, I was Mean Mom and made the kids get out and stretch their legs anyway, because we had a loooong day ahead of us.  They played for a while on the equipment, then Todd rounded them up for some calisthenics and laps around the perimeter.

I am just the supervisor of athletic activity; I don't deign to participate myself.  I have more important things to do, like keeping Callista dry and keeping my leg muscles as formless and soft as white bread.  It's hard work, but someone has to do it.

After our stop, everyone was feeling refreshed and ready to hit the road again.  Watching the kids exercise really wore Callista out, so she fell asleep.

For about two seconds.  Then she woke up.

This year, we were only able to fit everyone in the van by making serious cuts to our luggage.  One of the sacrifices was the loss of our cooler, and the resulting loss of the ability to pack a picnic lunch.  Oh, well.  We made due.

(Due to space restraints, we also did not pack the toddler potty, which has been a life saver in the past.  Thank the good Lord we didn't end up needing it this time.)

After carbo-loading at Pizza Ranch, we attempted to regulate our insulin by running around at Falls Park for a bit.

After Falls Park, Rocco caught the Callista bug, and spent his time protesting his inhumane confinement.

(And yes, for all you car seat safety sticklers out there, I realize the chest clip is too low.  That's actually what his drama was all about.  I wouldn't let him slide it down and take the shoulder straps off, he wouldn't forgive me, it was a whole thing.  Just let me live my truth without judgment.)

Our next stop was supposed to be the Murdo Drive-In for a dinner of burgers and shakes, but lo and behold, I forget that everyone who lives and operates businesses along I-90 is basically dead after Labor Day.  The world literally stops spinning for South Dakota during the off-season.

So we headed into the Badlands loop, half-starved.  It didn't seem to have us all too worked up, though (at least not right at first), and the weather was better than it has been in the past, so it was an enjoyable trip through.  Even Penelope was downright nonchalant about it.

I will admit, I did start getting hangry in the middle of it, which lowered my tolerance for millions of family photos.  I look dreamy when I'm annoyed and wasting away, don't I?

Once on the other side of the Badlands, we did eventually find a Subway and a Dairy Queen that were both still open at like 9:00 p.m., which definitely saved our marriage from complete collapse.  It was a close call, but we made it through, and we're stronger for it.

We arrived at Todd's parents' around 11:00, which was actually pretty good time for us.  We were worn out, but excited for the week ahead!

And, just because The Minivan Voorsts Facebook cover photo needed an updated shot from last year, Todd captured this up-to-date gem:

Come back tomorrow so you can read all about either our first full day in the Black Hills, OR my dilemma regarding the child-sized Uggs.  It's a coin-toss.