unless you have a toddler of your own as well, and this is therefore normal for you...

...please do not read while eating, or within 15 minutes of planning to eat.  disclaimed.

the other day, finneas was playing with this toy trash truck we have: the kind with a little door-thing on the back that opens and closes, up and down.  so, he closes it.  then, he opens it.  then, he takes something out of it and hands it to me.  and that something that he hands me is a moderately-sized turd.

where he found said turd, i cannot say.  he was not, himself, poopy,  so it didn't come from his diaper, which only means it was just...laying around somewhere.  for some reason.

my best guess is that it was a leftover from an incident that happened two days prior, before church.  i was getting laurelai into the bathtub, penelope was trying to help.  when i looked down, i realized that there must have been poop in laurelai's diaper (whoops, forgot to check.  now it's time for new bath water), and that penelope must have stepped in it.  which is how poop got all over the floor, and why a turd was stuck between penelope's toes.  so then, i made her drape her foot over the side of the tub as i tried to one-handedly scrub the poop off (with my other hand, i was trying to keep laurelai from drowning.  you know, like a good and attentive mother, instead of one who takes her child's diaper off without looking at it and then sets it, open-faced, on the floor.)  then off we trekked to church, like a normal family, and not like one whose children walk around with turd toes.

so, i'm thinking this incident somehow resulted in the rogue turd-turned-toy.  but that means that it was days old and that i had somehow...not...noticed it.  a piece of poop.  just laying around my house somewhere.  

and i did my life get like this?  like, where another person puts a piece of poop in my hand, and my first thought is to CSI it:  where did this come from?  how old is it?  who did it belong to at one point?  why was my first thought NOT: why is there a PIECE OF POOP in my HAND?!

these are deep questions, folks, and ones i'm not prepared to answer.  all i know is that this stuff happens here.

but you can rest assured that the trash truck was immediately put into the dishwasher, right next to the plastic animals that got exploded-diaper-urine-granules all over them.  because the van voorsts have a million kids, and therefore, that is how the van voorsts do.


todd said...

i'm just glad it wasn't my turd.

paige said...

how can you be sure it wasn't?

todd said...


YAYA said...

"that is how the van voorsts do-do"