the weekly meltdown.

hello all. and happy july 2nd.

so...yesterday i was pretty much in tears because i have all kinds of baby crap and no actual baby stuff...does that make sense? i have powder and wipes and no changing table; i have little clothes and no dresser; i have a blanket and no crib; i have a car seat headrest and no car seat; i have all kinds of baby crap and no baby. not that we're ready for the baby right i said, no crib or car seat. it's just hard to look around the room that is supposed to be for the kid, and see piles of junk everywhere. where will the baby sleep? oh, in that hamper of garage sale clothes. or on the guest bed. if it rolls off, no big deal; it'll land in a box of blankets. better yet, why not just let it sleep in the box of blankets? i feel like the worst mother in the whole world. (well, maybe not the worst, but i'm just one drug addiction away from being the worst mother in the whole world.)

to further the feeling, i've realized how truly grossed out i am by the thought of breastfeeding. not the thought of other people breastfeeding their kids, or my baby... "breasteating" (gross...nix that term), but of actually having to deal with boobs. that juice. that you have to pump. seriously, getting queasy just thinking about it. what's more, how come breast pumps don't come with instructions?! what's even more, how come babies don't come with instructions?! why are there entire books and entire classes and "lactation specialists" and nipple shields and all kinds of things that are supposed to help you breastfeed? call me crazy, but shouldn't it be instinctual? or, if not, at least easy enough to figure out on your own? what the crap did people do before babywise?

todd has been very reassuring through my latest meltdowns. at the time, i get frustrated that he doesn't get what a big deal some of these things are to me, but then i stop to think that if he got worked up over the same stupid things i get worked up over, we wouldn't do anything but sit around and cry all day. thrilling.

whew. that felt good to get it all out. however, i just realized that i've been blogging for the last 15 minutes and not picking up the baby's room like i came in here to wonder nothing's done.

on the exciting side of life, i made refried beans from scratch yesterday. from real beans. not even lying. maybe i really can do the mom thing...after all, i can cook beans. babies can't be that much different.

1 comment :

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