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it feels like Lent.

I mean, I know it's Lent.  But this year it has been very apparent to me that it's a season of asceticism and waiting. 

With the kids' health being so crummy this winter, I have missed church the last four weeks in a row.  We have had to cancel Connection Group, since we can't, in good conscience, host other people in this apparent hotbed of disease.  I have canceled time with friends, rescheduled time with discipleship girls, and missed trips to the Amish.  And I have felt so emptied and empty and waiting for change.

I find it interesting that God chose this specific season to strip me of most of my life outside these walls.  Even good things - all of the Lent church services, for instance - have just had to fall by the wayside.  In their place is the constant reminder that this life is hard, these bodies are failing, the work is lonely, and I am groaning.  In their place is Lent.

And because of this season, there has come some clarity.  Singular focus on the only work I'm able to accomplish.  "Enough" has been all I've been able to manage, and "enough" is all I've been able to face it with.  And enough has been enough.  Somehow, everything necessary still gets done.  Somehow, the world out there isn't falling apart without me.  Somehow, the world in here isn't falling apart because of me.   And God has reminded me that the simple, the base, the dirty work, is the most real thing he's called me to in this season, and it's enough.  It's enough for him. 

I have to let it be enough for me, too.  To have enough, and barely enough, strength and patience to endure what is directly in front of me.  To have my tiny sphere and my tiny influence on my tiny plot once we've been effectively quarantined and isolated.  It has had to be, and in some ways, it has been really... sweet. simple. easy.  It's funny how the barebones still support you well, sometimes better than the fat could.

2 comments :

todd said...

this line was gold...

"Somehow, the world out there isn't falling apart without me. Somehow, the world in here isn't falling apart because of me."

the jersk. said...

so good.