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i had to sit upright to type this, and i'm not happy about it.

so, i'll admit it.  i've been been a veritable turd of a blogger lately.  and i'm not really even all that sorry.  (that's a lie.  i am a little sorry.)  i think it's mostly pregnancy-related, as i've gotten bigger and more tired and less motivated by the non-essentials.  i'm not even motivated to accomplish the sort-of-essentials.  i don't have any freezer meals made.  i don't have my hospital bag packed.  the birth plan they asked me to fill out at the clinic is littered with 'i don't know's, 'whatever works at the time's, and '????'s.  (i'm dead serious.  my birth 'plan' appears to be more of a birth 'shrug.')  

right now it's all i feel i can manage to keep a decent handle on the house and keep on keepin' on with homeschooling.  by the time we're done with school in the afternoon, i'm just kind of...over it.  so i lay on the couch and watch parenthood until i have to get up and make dinner.  this pregnancy has been a doozy in some ways.  i don't know if it's because i'm now pushing thirty and i'm no longer a spring chicken, or because this pregnancy has comparatively been my most difficult so far, or because i'm trying to raise four other kids at the same time that i'm trying to bake another one, or because i am, as my midwife informed me in somber tones, a 'grand multipara.'  which, although it sounds regal, just basically means my uterus has had a relatively high turnover rate and comes with its own issues.

whatever the case, i'm just not able to push myself the way i normally can.  yesterday, i spent the day cleaning the house and making banana bread, and it caused so much back pain i could barely drive myself to the chiropractor this morning because moving my foot between the gas and brake pedals was excruciating.  i just don't have the capacity for normal-people functioning right now, so i'm focusing on the couple of have-to's in life and leaving the rest up to chance.

this is all to say that i may be a bit sporadic from here on out, for two reasons:  1. i have no energy or creativity or motivation to keep up the near-daily writing, and 2. all i feel like doing when i write is to complain about how crappy i've been feeling, and i recognize no one wants that kind of near-daily reading.  so let's just all agree that intermittent posting for the next month or so is in everyone's best interest, yes?  thanks for your understanding, all.

1 comment :

todd said...

i think of you more as an uber penpara.