you've got pants.

this last week, i wanted to escape to a simpler time.  you know, to let go of the cares of this world, and just pretend things were like they used to be, when people valued human interaction and community, and life ran at a different pace.

so i watched 'you've got mail.'

talk about a simpler time.  computers ran at the speed of mud, allowing you to really revel in the sandwich-making process while you waited.  you could eat that sandwich to the soothing sounds of 'REEE-ahhhh-rrrrrrrrrrrr-KKKK-eeee' as your computer tried to connect to the internet via your phone line.  you waited with bated breath to see if today would be a day on which you actually received an email!  and you met people in those old-fangled 'Chat Rooms.'

there were still things like brick-and-mortar bookstores, competing for business, and no such thing as amazon or kindles.  laptops were the thickness of bricks.  and people still got their news from the T.V. or even, gasp, the newspaper.  for heaven's sake, movie soundtracks featured the cranberries.

but mostly what i appreciate about the victorian 1990's was the simplicity of women's pants.  no frills, no tailoring, just very high waists, very saggy crotches, very tapered legs.  simple.  classic.  manly.  golden.

and that is how i plan to direct my life back toward simpler roots: before every decision, i will ask myself, 'is it simple? is it classic? is it manly? is it golden?  in a nutshell, does it embody the feel of 1990's women's pants?'  and if not, out it goes, friends.  out.  it.  goes.  i have no room for such things in my life anymore.

so, join me on my quest to pantsify my life.  it will be difficult, but it will be worth it.


todd said...

no. it won't.


Jessica said...

I love this.

I also love pants.

In the late 90s, I attached "Pants" to the end of everyone of my friends' names:
Lillypants (which was sometimes Lillynopants - which was then shortened to just "nopants");
I called myself Jessipants.

The key was a name ended in y/I/ie. Dougiepants, for example.

Jessica said...

Oh. and I forgot.

When feeling especially frisky, I'd use pantalones AND pantaloons, instead. It was awesome.

todd said...


i totally remember that

we actually call penelope sissypants sometimes

maybe we should upgrade to sissypantaloons though.