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closing up shop.

i finally got a chance the other day to head out and see what was happening with the garden.  i tend to get really gung-ho about gardening at planting time, but by the middle of summer, i'm all, 'you know what, vegetation?  you just do you.'  i'm basically the joel osteen of gardeners:  'hey there, tomatoes, whatever makes you feel good, just do that thing! want to vine out all willy nilly in my garden aisles?  as long as you do it with a smile on your face, that's all that matters!  hey there, cucumbers, if you want to choke out all my green beans, i'll just grin at you and assume you're just giving them hugs and chest bumps.  I'M PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!'



which means that, upon examination the other day, my garden was (and still is) a mess of ragtag shambles.  (although, my zinnias seemed to thrive on neglect: they're nearly six feet tall!  see them back there?)  there were tons and tons of tomatoes everywhere - who knew tomatoes were prolific and that i should have been picking them this whole time?!  i salvaged the green ones, so as they ripen, we'll be eating them into oblivion.  we'll violet beauregarde it, and we'll just be a family of big old tomato-people and you'll have to roll us around the neighborhood until we ripen and burst.  yum-o!

you think i'm joking.  i haven't even started tallying the beefsteaks and romas and bonnie bests, but as for the cherry tomatoes, i've got about five gallons of green ones waiting to ripen and kill us via lycopene poisoning.  you just wait.

also?  NEVER LET ME PLANT CUCUMBERS EVER AGAIN.  truth be told, i hate cucumbers.  like, hate cucumbers.  so every year, i plant some, thinking i'll pickle them, since i love pickles.  but then, if other years are like this year, i'll put up four quarts of fridge pickles and figure that's enough for the year, and then have a trillion pounds of cucumbers left to ignore. most of the ones i finally threw on the compost pile were basically whitish-yellow clubs containing seeds the size of quarters.  and then i just resent them for being so gross-tasting and also ugly, because y'all know how i feel about trivial ugly things.

also?  this ridiculousness.  


what am i even supposed to do with this?  cucumbers are THE WORST AT EVERYTHING.
also? i harvested some onions (well, barely-onions.  i planted from sets this year, and i might as well have eaten the sets straight from the garden center without planting them first.  seeds are the only way to go with onions.)  i harvested a bunch of carrots, which seemed to do well in my garden this year (as opposed to the story city house which, though i planted three whole packets over the course of two seasons, i only ever got two.  two carrots).  i harvested a single egg-sized eggplant.  and then i accidentally left the bucket of harvested veggies out overnight in the rain... still good, three days later?  you weigh in.

well, goodnight little garden.  i will soon pull all your weeds, and cover you with a soft blanket of compost and leaves, and wait impatiently for next spring, when i will go all billy eichner and be all "IT'S SPRING! I CAN'T EVEN!" and then i will neglect you all over again.

in case you can't hear me from where you are in your remote village, i am currently singing 'the circle of life.'

2 comments :

todd said...

do gardenias from in gardens? shame if they don't. seems like a waste of a name. false hope at least. bad advertising too.

YAYA said...

If you put cucumbers in the compost you plan to put on you garden, what out for next year's volunteers.

If you have lots of tomatoes still needing to ripen, put them in a box with a couple of bananas for a week or so. They will ripen and salsa or tomato sauce could be in your future. That's how we finished out the last 5 lbs of tomatoes from our garden.