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like jeans on an hourglass, these are the days of my life.

well, readers, it's official: according to target jeans sizing, i'm now officially a 'curvy' girl.  since having laurelai, i have not lost the baby weight.  in fact, i've gained it back and then some - as in, i weigh more now than i did at 42 weeks pregnant.  not sure why, i just know that's what has happened.

and i would love to be able to say that i'm consistently confident that it's christ who determines my value and beauty, not the world's standard of 'ideal.'  i know in my head that what i'm comparing myself to is a bunch of new-mom celebrities who have combo c-section/liposuction surgeries.  that changes and uniquenesses in size and shape are valued by god, not condescended.  that it's likely a postpartum season and not how i'll end up looking foreverandeveramen.  and even if i do end up permanently looking differently than i used to, that god values motherhood and designed it in part to change women for their betterment and sanctification, so maternal body changes are actually a beautiful thing to god.

but you know what?  i'm not consistently believing those truths.  i'm struggling with my body image.

so it leaves me questioning, who am i if i'm not who i've always been? what do people think when they see me - are they surprised?  do they pity me or something, since they know how i used to look?  and it just kind of ... stinks, you know?

and i'm really guessing i'm not alone in having feelings like this.  so i figured i'd not only share my struggles with it, but also tell you i'm attempting to fight those lies.

*my beauty and worth do not change when my body does.  god is good, loving, constant, and does not condemn anyone who is in christ.  i am striving for something that i already have.

*when i get wrapped up in thinking about what i look like, it makes me less likely to be thinking of others.  when i don't want to invite people over because they'll see me in the only pair of sweatpants that still fit, i'm putting my own self-image in a place that prevents me from serving and loving and considering others, which is the sin of self-worship and it's idolatry.  i've actually noticed a drastic decrease in the amount of time i spend thinking about other people and their prayer concerns as my time thinking about myself has increased.

*i should revere what god thinks, not what people think.  do i really think god looks down and sees chubbiness as my defining characteristic, or that he's criticizing my weight?  no.  so what if i assume the gay guy behind the customer service desk at target thinks i look dumpy?  so what?

*trial and discomfort and struggles are good things.  god says explicitly in scripture that difficult things are blessings.  privileges.  they push me to cling to god, to cling to truth, to fight to cooperate with god's spirit that is growing me into a person that i couldn't be without him.  i don't want to be a comfortable, happy, stagnant christian.  i want to be like jesus, who had to suffer for god's glory and suffered well. 

*it's all about perspective.  jesus died on a cross. christians are being martyred across the world.  i just want to look like kim kardashian.  i think i've got the better end of that tribulation stick.

if you find yourself relating to believing any of the lies i mentioned, i'd encourage you to fight with me to believe truth.  first we have to hear it, then we have to choose to believe it's true even when our feelings want us to believe otherwise.  it's not enough to just admit we struggle or sin or fall - we should want to truly repent and allow god to use our trials to plant truth deeply in our hearts.  let's fight to be sturdy in the truth, not just solid in the body :).

here's how it really went down.

last week, i totally punted on telling you about our week. it involved christmas and millions of pictures and mentally processing everything and lalala. i just didn't want to deal. but here i am: back, and ready to face last week head-on, just like grown-ups do sometimes. look at me go!

first, let's talk about this bacon 'heart' i attempted the morning of christmas eve. it turned out more like a bacon 'lump.'  it still tasted awesome, but i will admit it's the most disappointed i've ever felt regarding a piece of bacon.



then this happened to penelope.  she got this dress as a hand-me-down from a friend a few weeks ago and has basically not taken it off since.  also, she's wearing one monster foot and one mitten and a hat.  yeah, i don't know.



growing up, on christmas eve, my mom would always allow us to open one present before going to bed.  it took me an embarrassing number of years to realize it was always pajamas.  i would get so excited to get to open a gift early, then so disappointed when it was just jammies - every year for years and years.  i have passed this fun/sad tradition down to my own kids, but they were surprisingly stoked to get jammies.  (when i told atticus they could open one present early, he responded, 'no, i don't want to open any presents tonight because then i won't have anything to open in the morning.'  WHAT?! what kind of benjamin button five-year-old am i raising?!)



before donning said jammies, we thought we'd scrub the kids down so their stench wouldn't drive santa away.  (haha, just kidding; we don't do santa.  and luckily for them, you can never stink badly enough that the baby jesus will stop loving you, but wow - it was time for a bath.)

after getting out of the tub, they got to dry off with these adorable bunny towels a dear friend made and sent to them:



THEN! CHRISTMAS MORNING!  it began slowly: i didn't even get the kids up until like 9:00.  they know to just play in their rooms until i come get them in the mornings, and i admit i've been pretty delinquent about it lately.  but you know what?!  i got to start christmas morning at 9:00, which is better than at the buttcrack of daytime like lots of families have to do, so i refuse to feel guilty.  (i do feel a little guilty, truth be told.)

once they got up, they had their cursory christmas 'ring around the rosy with Aunt' binge.  then we finished wrapping some gifts.  then i made some coffee.  then it was 10:30 and the kids starting opening gifts.  it was an amazingly laid back beginning to the ensuing chaos.



finneas got a Bonk Stick, which i found in the target dollar section.  basically, you hit stuff with it and it lights up and there could not possibly be a better gift for finn ever made.  he kept kissing it.




finneas also got a stuffed fox, whom he named neil.  (for those of you playing at home, he now has an alligator wearing a polo and golf pants, whom he named wesley, and a fox wearing a sport coat, whom he named neil.   his friends are quite the sophisticates in both name and dress.)

my mom made the big kids a puppet theater, and finneas did not hesitate to go headless over it.  (yes, yes, he lost his head.)



and to sum up christmas day, here's a photo of everyone crammajammed into our tiny house.  there are few things i love more than to be in my home on holidays, surrounded by people i love.  i love hosting celebrationy stuff and inviting everyone and their mom over.  this year we had a college student join us.  just know: if you're ever vagrant or in need/want of a place to visit on holidays, this lady is your hookup.



and finally, a day or two after christmas, we decorated a gingerbread house (or, as penelope called it, 'a jinglebread house.  a ninjabell house.  a gingerbinge house').  todd said it appears to be the gingerbread equivalent of a mobile home.  it does kind of look like the contractor was a bit drunk...




and that was Christmas Week.

(oh, and ps- thanks to all of you who sent christmas cards and letters!  we love hearing how everyone is doing, and what you've been up to, kind of like a blog on paper.  this year got totally away from us and i didn't get a letter of our own sent out, but don't give up on me! keep me on your mailing list and i'll try to do better next year!)

the laziest 'what's up weekly' in the history of 'what's up weekly.'

i'm still reeling from the christmas hullabaloo.  my house is a wreck, there are toys everywhere, and i really have not had motivation to remedy either of these situations.  i think i'll spend time over the weekend processing all that took place this week and post more about it on monday.

however, in the meantime, i will tell you that i really got into the christmas spirit by wearing this as i hosted christmas dinner:

video vednesday: you see that every other motherfruitcakin' day.

stock it to me. (not my best title ever, i realize.)

the christmas atticus had just turned one and i was pregnant with penelope, i decided to get crafty and make stockings for the four of us.  there have been three christmases since then, two of which have seen yet another stocking added to the lineup. 

 
please ignore the fact that they're pretty bunchy; i've already put our stocking stuffers in so that i don't have to worry about doing that later on.  we don't do santa at our house, so why wait?  other than the fact that it makes the stockings look weirdly bunchy the whole week before christmas.



in case you can't see super well, todd's is made from a goodwill sweater and i added a snowflake pattern made out of antique mother-of-pearl buttons.  mine is made out of a pair of todd's old boxers, and i heart it with all of me.  (that button in the middle is the fly opening, and the dark grey trim at the top is the elastic waistband.)  the cuff on atticus' was cross-stitched by my mom, and i made the foot-part out of burlap.  penelope's is made of quilted fabric with an antique lace cuff and antique crocheted flowers.  finn's is made from plaid flannel with a sherpa cuff, since i was pregnant with him when i made it and i had a feeling he'd turn out to be a lumberjack of a kid.  (he has.) 

this year, i made laurelai's from some polka dot cotton, with a blue velvet cuff, and some girly embellishments.  my favorite part is that awesome little peacock feather thingy.


i can't really offer a tutorial; i just traced a normal store-bought stocking onto a paper bag to use as a pattern, and then i went all wonkadonk seamstress.  they're far, far, far from perfect; and i'm almost embarrassed when i think about allowing the kids to take them into their permanent families' christmas traditions later on, and hanging them next to what i'm sure will be nicer ones; but it's also kind of nice to have stockings that reflect us now: imperfect, quirky, kind of silly, a little embarrassing, and cutest when we're all together.

how's that for some christmas-metaphor mushiness?

merry christmas eve.

with a corncob pipe and a button nose, and also a soul-sucking face.

last week, the kids and i got outside to build snowmen.  neither one of them had ever built a snowman, and perhaps had never even seen one in real life, but by george, snowmen are in pretty much any cartoon that involves snow of any kind, so atticus had had snowman-making on his bucket list for, like, ever.




there was a really warm day last week when the snow got really wet and sticky, so it was perfect.  i let the big kids skip naptime and we headed outside.  little forethought was put into the activity, as you can clearly see from the wine-bottle-cap eyes that i quickly grabbed out of the recycling bin, and the arms made out of leftover christmas tree clippings that had simply not made it all the way back to the compost pile yet.

 
from christmas tree branches, to snowman arms, to rifle, to (later) baseball bat and golf club and hockey stick, pine branches really are The Multipurpose Plaything.


i did at least run inside and grab those ubiquitous carrots for our snowmen's noses, and a couple of hats.  but then i was all like, what on earth can we use for mouths?  i landed on fruit leather ropes: they were flexible, long and red, and wouldn't be too sorely missed if an oppossum or something ran off with them.



one thing i started to notice, though, as i started helping the kids attach the fruit strips as mouths, was that the fruit strips were getting simultaneously sticky as they got wet, and brittle as they got cold, which fostered in me a suspicion that these weren't the best solution after all.  if only i had foreseen what would become of those things, i would probably have chosen differently.  because here are our end results after a day in the elements:

 
MERRY CHRISTMAS, KIDDIES.  I SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPING.  (i mean, santa.  santa sees you when you're sleeping.  it's the same.)





HAPPY NEW YEAR, YOUNG ONES.

are those not the creepiest things you've ever seen in your life?!  gah.  i get the jibblies just looking at them.

we had a snowstorm over the weekend and there is a good amount of fresh snow, plenty of which landed on these monstrosities.  atticus looked out the window yesterday and was all, "THE SNOW RUINED MY SNOWMAN, MOM!" and i was all, "that is the exact opposite of true.  the snow attempted to cover up any record of these things ever having existed." to which i say, 'brava, snow.  now if you could just storm all over that third spice girl cd that came out after geri left so we can all go back to acknowledging that the spice girls were actually super awesome, that would be great.'

weekly what's up.

what can i say about the last couple of weeks?  well, let's start with this:



okay, so, last friday night, a friend had offered to watch the kids so that todd and i could go on a date, but penelope had been running a really low-grade fever all day, so we ended up having to cancel those plans. (i didn't want to pass any random bugs on to my friend's family.)  so todd showed up after work with flowers, ice cream and takeout, and he gave me a foot massage while we watched my movie pick.  (i'm jealous of myself as i even type this.)

it was a good thing i had a little bit of a refresher, because later that night atticus woke up with the flu.  about 15 minutes later, penelope woke up with the flu.  it. was. brutal.  they were sick pretty much constantly until after lunch on saturday, at which point they each took a four hour nap and woke up as fresh as spring daisies.  weird.

sunday morning, we asked a couple of college students who had already seen the christmas production to come watch the kids so that i could go to church to see it. (even though the kids were feeling better, i didn't want to risk spreading anything.)  todd did an awesome job, and the whole production was a blast.


todd is on the far left in both of these photos.

what else about the last few weeks?  our christmas shenanigans have begun.  we busted out some christmas movies...



...did some christmas decrrrrrrating...





...and we got a tree.  oh, yes; the tree.

todd and i had discussed the fact that we'd have to get a smaller tree than we've had in years past, since our ceilings are lower and we don't have as much floor space.  however, we didn't communicate well what we each had in mind regarding a 'smaller' tree.  

we keep a disc from our tree stump each year, and when he brought the following disc in the house (before the tree itself, obviously), i got a little worried overly dramatic.


yes, it is tiny.  it required using shims around the entire circumference to get it to even stand up in the tree stand.

yes, the tree is small.  i've named him tiny tim.  or junior.  or little billy junior.  i can't decide.  something small-sounding.  but, though there were some waterworks, and though i came off looking like an ass over a stupid tree, i think it has actually worked out okay.  it's proportionate to the rest of our house, and it's just the perfect size to display all of the ornaments we've accumulated since getting married/having kids (and not have to be filled with all kinds of weirdo ornaments i made in elementary).






also, the kids built snowmen that appear to be bleeding from the mouth, but i'll tell you about that next week since this post is insanely long already.

(but as a quick side note, december 13 marked the one-year anniversary of us saying 'yes' to moving to cedar falls.  whoa.  a lot has happened in the last year!)

how are your christmas activities coming along?


video vednesday: caramel coconut cream!!

okay, does anyone else have weird memories of watching olsen twins videos during library time in elementary school, or is that just me?  whatever the case, if you never before thought those movies were creepy (even though i have one vivid memory of an 'episode' in which they were trying to sell their brother at a lemonade stand), this will convince you.


holly jolly hobby lobby.

recently, i was telling a friend about how overwhelmed i feel at times, and how i feel like my days/weeks/months are just a repeat of the same dumb day/week/month before.  she recommended i get out of the house more, which i don't do because coats and boots and hats and diaper changes and nap schedules and whiny kids and cold weather and a coat pocket full of bribe-y graham cracker crumbs and all that.  but she told me to try it, and try it i did.

so yesterday we went to hobby lobby, where that hymns-on-piano cd playing over the loudspeaker can lull you into lazy comfortability.  but you have to be on your A-game to visit hobby lobby with kids in tow, because the carts are tiny and the breakables all look like toys and are at preschooler-eyeball level.

i went to pick up supplies to make a stocking for laurelai, a wreath for our front door (i had planned to be on top of seasonal porch decor, but i still have a sad, snow-covered hay bale out there right now), and a pack of command hooks.  i came home with supplies for laurelai's stocking, a plaster bust, some superglue, and some curtain rings that i accidentally shoplifted because they ended up under finneas' hat in the cart at checkout.  and that sums up a trip to hobby lobby with the kids.

also? as i was walking through the store, i kept getting a whiff of some shopper with some serious B.O.  i was all, wow...that's pungent.  then i was all, who is that coming from?  then i was all, oh, it turns out i'm the smelliest shopper.

yes, friends, that horrible smell was wafting through my shirt, through my heavy cable-knit sweater, and through my wool coat.  and when i didn't think it could be any worse, i got home and took off all those layers and realized i had huge, dried breastmilk stains on my bottom-most shirt layer.

thank goodness the kids were relative angels in the store, because otherwise i would have ended up praying for the apocolypse, or at least a heart attack, to get me out of having to make it out of public on my own.  and if i had gotten that wish, i would have been ushered into either heaven or the emergency room with those nasty stains all fresh on my clothing and that rancid scent radiating off of me, and i just don't know that i want to end things that way.  i like to think that, if the rapture doesn't happen in my lifetime, that i will die laying on a bed of rose petals in a meadow, with a lily in my gracefully folded hands and a euphoric look on my face.  my hair all did and everrrthang.  not all smelly and stained and laying on the linoleum under the 50% off signs at hobby lobby.

so merry christmas to me! i didn't die or get sniffed by an emt! and sometimes that's all you can ask for.

you've never seen him in a role like this before.

todd van voorst, in the role of a lifetime: brother phineas!



come see the christmas production tonight at 9:00 at UNI, or sunday at 9:45 at candeo.  it's going to be super fun!

video vednesday: why kevin bacon? because kevin bacon loves THE WORLD!

okay, so today's a two-fer.  these commercials just might get me a little closer to being able to understand the obsession with kevin bacon.  might.






we just don't get it.

well, i started the week off on a serious note with yesterday's blog post, so i figure it's a good time to get serious about something else:  why some christians can seem like hypocritical dillweeds.

now, i don't know every dillweed christian out there, but i do know myself and have a general idea about what sometimes makes us seem like the.worst.  and you know what it is? 

we don't have a great understanding of the gospel.  yepper.

i think we tend to think (wrongly) that, once we know jesus, once we've experienced his sacrifice, once we've been forgiven for all that nasty stuff we all know we've done, it's the time to buck up and get our crap together.  power through, tiny christian!  and what's the opposite of powering through?  looking like we don't have our crap together.  doing some of that same nasty stuff we've always done.  in a word?  failing.  so you know what we do?  we hide our failure.  we pretend it's not there.  we pride ourselves on our successes and deride other people for stumbling and screwing up and generally just being a nuisance to the rest of us.  tarnishing the christian name and all that.

and that turns us into jerks who wave some self-righteous jesus flag around, acting like we're better than everybody.  like jesus is proud of our behavior, and our awesomeness, and our general got-it-togetherness.

that is one stinky turd of a lie from the bowels of hell, do you hear me?  and we're ruining it for a lot of unbelievers and struggling believers out there.

do you want to hear the truth? (oh, well, i don't really care what you want.  i'm riled up and i'm just going to shoot you straight.)  god has high, high standards for you and you FAIL.  so stop acting like you're holier-than-thou and some gift to the name of christianity.  you need a savior because you suck at this.

here's the truth that will change everything.  there are two types of people in this world: sinners, and sinners who have been forgiven by the love and work of jesus.  we are all in the same sinking boat.  but if we've been forgiven, if the sacrifice has been made on our behalf, we don't have to be afraid to fail anymore, because it's been paid for and holds no power over us anymore.  we are free to fail, and free to admit it, and free to say we're sorry and own it.  because it doesn't define us anymore.

so you're a christian and you tell lies?  OWN IT.  say, 'in my flesh, i am a liar.  i can't be trusted.  i am so sorry for the ways that has hurt the people around me and rebelled against the god who loves me.  and thank jesus that he was always truthful!  his record has been given to me, and i'm seen as perfect in god's eyes - NOT because i'm awesome, but because he did it for me and he's awesome.'  and then pray that his holy spirit would give you the power and strength to stop telling lies - it's his spirit that works in you to make you more like him, and he is faithful to sanctify you and turn you into someone you couldn't be without him.

honestly, it doesn't matter what your 'thing' is.  tell me you're a gossip or a thief or a porn addict.  hell, maybe your 'thing' is your nasty 'i'm such an awesome christian' pride.  my answer is the same: you suck.  jesus is awesome.  his work is enough for you, and it's the only thing that can break the power of the sin that's killing you.

IT'S KILLING YOU.  jesus offers to let it kill him instead.

THAT is the gospel.

advent in the trenches.

when i first had atticus, i was shocked at how dirty i felt all the time.  i was always covered in spit-up or leaking breastmilk or snot or sweat or pee or poop or blood or something.  i wasn't able to shower as often as i had been used to, and even in the shower, i just felt gross.  i would say that was one of the least anticipated and hardest things to adjust to regarding the transition to motherhood.

since then, it's been easier to deal with, and i've reconciled myself to the fact that i'm usually smelling kind of weird, and almost everything i own is smeared with someone's bodily-somethings.  but the bigger issue is still really hard for me to accept: that everything i own - even my own body - is no longer mine.  it's all subject to my kids' whims and needs and wants and demands.

i have been pregnant or nursing (or both simultaneously) nearly every day for almost six years.  my body is wholly at the mercy of some other person.  there's always morning sickness, or cravings, or stretch marks, or too much weight or too little weight, or (if i'm being perhaps too honest) now-wonkadonk boobs, or those bald patches i get for the first six months after having a baby.  i don't have physical rest, i don't have time for hygiene, my wardrobe is mostly comprised of pajamas and larger-than-preferred underwear.  even my feet have gotten bigger!  everything about me screams, 'i am a mom and i'll never be the same!'  and as much as i love my kids, and as much as i wish it weren't true, i sometimes resent the fact that i'm no longer the person i used to be, and would frequently prefer to be, because i'm a mother.

and i'm currently learning the hard lesson of sacrificing my own wants and needs and stupid i-want-to-look-like-that-blogger wishes in order to pay the price to generate life. that dying to myself so that christ can live in me might look like a broken, imperfect body.  that raccoon rings and soft, unchiseled arms and an extra 25 pounds and a receding hairline might be the only personal, physical marks of my biggest accomplishment.  and can i be okay with that?  i hope someday i can, but right now, it's a struggle.

and so all i can really do right now is praise the god who broke his own body to give me life, who was marred beyond all recognition because it was the only way i could be brought forth.  this is the king who washed nasty feet, and was constantly interrupted and overtaken and demanded of, and was so exhausted he was sleeping through a hurricane, just so he could bring me the good news of great joy.  he had his beard ripped out, his clothes ripped off, his skin ripped up, to bring me wholeness.  and he did it joyfully.  willingly.  triumphantly.  vibrantly.  entirely. 

i want to remember this.  i want to be like this.  i want my kids to know that jesus means enough to me, and they mean enough to me, that i will not selfishly hoard this idolized body of mine. 


1 john 3:16
we know what real love is because jesus gave up his life for us.  so we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.

weekly 'what's up'

we spent thanksgiving at my mom's, with my parents, my sister and my grandma.  todd and i stayed overnight at a hotel, since beds were pretty full-up at the house.  it was just todd, me and laurelai.  and also duck dynasty.  it was like an awesome, relaxing honeymoon.  (except, on our actual honeymoon, instead of watching duck dynasty, we watched plenty of E!news coverage of britney spears' unfolding meltdown.  also, there was not a tiny infant in the room at the time.  just to clarify.)

on a halfway related note, i think i'm having a minor mental breakdown.  (all this 'trying to be exactly like britney spears all the time' nonsense is starting to take a turn for the ugly.  no shaved heads yet, but we'll have to see how everything unfolds.)  just keeping it real here, people.  this life can be rough, you know?

anyway, back to the news.  let's move along to some poignant photo journalism, shall we?

finneas discovered a new recliner for himself.





then he discovered a new purpose for his recliner: parking ramp.



penelope wrote her own name.  completely unprompted and unassisted.  she just...figured it out while todd and i were in the other room.



this chica turned three months old and looks like she's rocking it.



and then there were these:



we got these awesome address labels in the mail.  hilarious.  i'm pretty sure todd (i mean, tood) would prefer i throw them away.  i'm pretty sure i would prefer to put them on any and every letter that leaves this house from now until the day we move out.  i'll become a penpal just to have a reason to use these.  (on the extra-plus side of these, if i use them to write letters to an inmate, the inmate couldn't look us up after they get out of prison, since there is no 'tood van voorst' in the whitepages.  although, there is something to be said for the fact that the stickers do, indeed, display our address accurately.  so maybe i won't start writing to inmates after all.)

lastly, i re-caulked the bathtub and also weatherstripped the front door, all by my lonesome.  i could be bob villa's twin sister, barb.  barb villa.

oh yeah, and my basement floor got covered in pee and i cried and cried and cried.  i'll tell you about it next week.  or sometime.

LOVE YOU! SMOOCHIES! DEEDLE DEE!

happy birthday to my great big five-year-old!

oh, atticus.  what would i ever do without you?  who would i even be?  you made me a mom; you got me started in this crazytown adventure park of mothering.

i know i'm not great at it.  i know you know i'm not great at it.  but you have such a heart to obey and serve, even though you know how badly i screw things up.  you're so gracious with me.

what can i say that sums you up?  you're such a helper.  you look for opportunities to lighten my load.  you are (usually) affectionate with your siblings.  you like to enforce the rules, even when it's not necessarily your job to do so.  you're silly. you're quiet.  you are too observant to be impulsive.  you love sweets.  you willingly eat vegetables.  you requested pasta alfredo, of all things, for your birthday dinner.  your best friend is your sister, and you're usually really considerate and kind to her.  (it's a two-way street, right?)  you are so gentle and sweet to laurelai.  you want to be a 'construction guy' when you grow up.  you love to dance and sing.  you like wrestling with your dad.  all your jeans are too short.  you love jesus, which makes me happier than anything else ever could.

nothing you will ever do will make me love you more than i do now.  nothing you will ever do will make me love you less than i do now.  you're perfect for me and i wouldn't trade you for anything, ever.

love you, darlin'! happy golden birthday!





video vednesday: are you eating?!

we need to talk.

oh, y'all.  the holiday season is upon us.  and i am finding myself gasping for breath.  which means i'm going to have to bow out of this whole 'regimented blogging' thing for a while - i'll still post occasionally throughout the week, and will likely be pretty regular about posting our weekly happenings on fridays. 

but until january, let's just be aquaintances, okay?  can it be more like we're casual dating than going steady?  i just need a little space right now.  i promise, it's not you, it's christmas.  i hope we can still be friends.

see ya round!

(this post reminds me: at some point i'll have to tell you about that one time i broke up with a high school boyfriend and he threw a pizza at me in retaliation.  actually, i guess i don't have to tell you later; that pretty much sums up the whole saga.)