Pages

repost: a word of advice.

(repost from here.)



should you ever happen to be greeted by a beetle the rough size of a matchbox car, here are some pointers:

1. do NOT slam the window closed, trapping it between the window and the glass, and run away being all, ohmywordohmywordewewewewSICK. this will make the beetle think it has the upper hand.

2. do NOT spend a short moment praying that the beetle eats some of the scaly lead paint off your windowsill and die a long, painful, but hands-off death. beetles do not have any natural interest in lead paint consumption; your prayer will therefore likely receive a resounding answer of NO, and your faith might be a little shaken. and you'll need it full-strength at a moment like this.

3. do NOT rummage through the toy bins, find a matchbox car (no, not that one, it's not a very pretty color. pick the teal one.), and grab your camera for a fun-slash-terrifying 'proof of scale' photo sesh. this will make the beetle think he is liked and welcomed. false.

4. DO close the window quickly when you realize the beetle is about to hop aboard the matchbox car and get all Stuart Little and drive around your house. pretty soon he will be demanding an outfit, probably including some kind of kicky beret and a driving scarf, and you don't need to indenture yourself to a beetle. this is your house, after all. even though, in the beetle's defense, you are acting like a girl baby.

5. DO leave the beetle in there to problem solve how to get out, or fear the wrath that is your husband's shoe (when your husband gets home to squash it, of course. you should not trifle with doing the dirty work yourself). it's like a horror movie plotline for the beetle. that'll teach him to ever think he had the upper hand.


you're brave. you're at least twice the size of this beetle. you are armed with my handy tips. YOU CAN DO THIS.

1 comment :

todd said...

Too bad we didn’t have a small scale VW bug to place behind this guy. The irony would be well received, I believe.

:)