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a glimpse into my recent thought life.

not having pinterest to look at and blogs to read over the last three weeks has given me lots of time and space for freedom of thought (meaning, lots of time to watch TV).  here are the things i've been pondering lately with all my newfound freedom:

1.  my blush brand is called 'dream bouncy blush.'  what does that even mean, and who got paid american dollars to come up with that? i think i could do their job better.  also, corporate monkeys who come up with makeup names must think they're marketing to (highly made-up) foreign exchange children.

2. i bet amish people don't try at-home bikini waxes.  and i think that gives them some points for common sense.

3.  i don't think i'm cut out for TV.  not as in, being on TV, but as in, watching it.  i tried watching this soap opera the other day, anticipating eventually having to go into soap opera addiction rehab, because that's what it seems like most people who watch soap operas ought to do.  but i'm not kidding, in twenty minutes, some guy showed up saying he was the mortal twin brother of a vampire (and this tour guide almost drove a wooden flagpole through his heart, but thank the good heavens he somehow proved he was simply an identical twin, not an underlord); another guy started dating a girl in the mob and ran away from home; a lady poisoned the entire cast of 'the chew' and was subsequently being blackmailed by mobgirl's mother; and there was this other twin brother of someone else who was up to no good...inviting a bunch of people to a party.  that last one seems less dramatic than the other story lines, but i promise you everyone was pissed at that guy, so apparently i'm missing something.  also, i have never seen so many dental veneers in a single place in my life.  their teeth were too shiny, so i had to quit watching.

4.  plastic surgery in general.  holy cow.  lots of people on TV have had plastic surgery, and every single one of them looks ridiculous.  i mean, ridiculous.  i'd rather be old and shriveled than expensively and permanently disfigured, thank you very much.

5.  there is this christian mingle commercial that i'm pretty sure CGI'd a to-remain-nameless celebrity's head onto a normal person's body, and then matched her up with a sex offender.

6. there have been a lot of storms here lately, which means a lot of weather alerts and safety tips on the news.  yesterday, the TV literally scrolled, "FLASH FLOOD WARNING! do not drive your car onto roads or fields that are covered in water! don't drown!" i'm glad they're concerned for my safety, but i'm not really sure anyone needs a reminder to not drown.  if they're drowning, it's probably not because the weather channel forgot to mention to not do that.



anyway.  the moral of this story is that i should probably stop watching TV.

4 comments :

lauren said...

hahahaha. you're the best. I've always been curious about the soaps. glad to know it's everything I hoped and feared.

in TWC's defense, I always drive my car on to underwater fields. without the weather channel, I wouldn't know when that activity is safe and when it's not.

whenjeskasparks said...

since we're defending things: christian mingle is how my brother met his wife. boom. roasted. (defended?)

todd said...

jeska, that would be like defending myspace because paige and I are married.

really?

myspace?

indefensible.

Jessica said...

Indefensible, but true.