i wish i had some mom jeans instead.

there is no cute, girly way to say this: i am going bald.

it happens every time i have another baby: my hair grows really quickly and thick during pregnancy, but then afterwards it falls out.  and i don't mean a hair here and there; they're deserting in droves.  which means i'm not only left with completely bald patches on either side of my head that are almost two inches in diameter (they're getting nearly impossible to cover up), as well as a forehead that's approximately half an inch higher all around (it doesn't sound like much, but it ends up that it is), but it is summer and i therefore have a tan line where my hair used to be.  a TAN LINE, people!

i used to think that looking like a mom was something you brought on yourself: no one forced you to buy those high waisted Lee jeans.  no one chopped your hair off short while you were sleeping.  and you, my friend, were the one who chose the gold, wire-framed glasses.  we all know it was you.

but i can definitely say that mom balding has NOT been volitional.  and the weird thing is, i almost wish my physical transformation as a mom involved more stuff like crazy mom fashion or haircuts.  because at least then people would see me and be all, 'oh poor thing.  she looks like a mom.'  instead, i half suspect people are whispering behind my back, 'oh poor thing.  she looks like a thirty-five year old gamestop employee.'

and this is the part of the blog where i usually insert some kind of snarky punch line, but all i really want to do at this point is cry.  and maybe spend all hours of the night playing zelda or LARPing to deal with my grief.  WHO AM I?!?


todd said...

I know that you notice and because of that I care, but I never noticed until you pointed it out to me. So kudos on hiding your true self!?!?!?!?


The Crislers said...

I saw you on Sunday, albeit briefly, and I noticed no baldness. I'm sure it's very obvious to you, but to the rest of us, you still look wonderful.

whenjeskasparks said...

you start smellin' like oreos and cheez-its after awhile.. but you know. you grow to like it.

ALSO MY DRESS CAME IN AND IT'S PERFECT! no altering necessary!!!

YAYA said...

Your final question... WHO AM I?

You my dear are a mom! You carry THE MOST HONORABLE of titles and the heaviest responsibilities of anyone, anywhere! This is why your hair falls out! While you notice the physiological changes, the little people that fill your day take no notice! And the impact you make on their lives is beyond comprehension.

As your new-mom-hormones settle down, your hair will grow back... however, don't get too used to it. They will eventually become teenagers, at which time your hair will NOT fall out, you will voluntarily PULL it out. And yet once again, it will grow back. Until... Penelope gets married. Then during the planning period preceding your duaghter's wedding, your hair will again fall out.

But then, true to form, your hair will return, but this time with a slightly different growth pattern, and likely courser and more gray.

Do not take offense. This is your badge of honor. Wear it with as much pride as Al Bundy did his high school football jersey. It will become a symbol your highest achievement!