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the hillbilly chronicles, part three: check out what almost gave me tetanus.

so, 'member how i'm turning our yard into the eyesore of the neighborhood?  it's basically because i have a 'yard art guy'-shaped hole in my heart.  however, my aesthetic leans more toward the primitive than the 'artistic.' (quotation marks necessary.)

in my efforts to turn my backyard into a pioneer days farm, i have come to find some interesting and downright life-threatening treasures.

exhibit A:



this piece of wood with rusty nails sticking out of both ends was found behind my deceptively sweet-sounding honeysuckle bushes.

exhibit B:


this rusty old stake was found driven partway into the ground, probably to hide in the grass while still being a likely candidate for getting stepped on and/or tripped over.

and while i don't have photos, i have also found pieces of broken glass the size of my hand, an entire glass casserole dish buried in the ground and then shattered into moderately sized shards, and a rusty old hacksaw blade.  oh, and remember that time i found a bag full of cockroaches and antidepressants

i'm pretty sure someone in my neighborhood is out to at least maim me.  now it's just a matter of figuring out who so i know who to sue for medical reimbursement.

although, i did find a dollar floating around my yard a few weeks back, so maybe whoever it is is starting to feel bad that they're going to cost us so much in tetanus shots and antivenom.  (i'm only assuming there are also poisonous snakes back there because it wouldn't make sense if there weren't.)

also, Snarky Commenter Who's Just Waiting To Point Out My Discrepencies, the title is on purpose and i will explain next week.  if i don't develop a fatal infection before then.

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