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the real reason i'm tired of being pregnant.

it's official, y'all.  i am so. over. being pregnant.  thinking about being pregnant for one more day makes me want to be all blkajeoijreglifesucksliuboiuwoei.

yes, i am out of breath and suffering from my body's inability to regulate its own temperature.  and yes, i'm tired of being starving and eating and eating and still being starving.  i'm tired of craving muffins when i can't eat them and having to eat pot roast instead.  i am tired of having to wake up in the middle of the night to make a big production out of just rolling myself over.  and i'm tired of shaving my legs way more often than necessary (in my opinion - todd hasn't seemed to mind the frequency) just in case 'today is the day' and i don't want a nurse to see me all hairy and whatnot.

but really, the reason i'm THE MOST tired of being pregnant?

so i can get coffee during the parents' equipping hour at church without having to first scan the coffee crowd for Judgmental Coffee Lady.  i would like to drink coffee in peace and the only way that can happen is for this kid to shoot out.

the coffee bar is on the way into parenting class, so i like to stop there on my way to our table and sit with my yummy, decaf, too-heavily-loaded-with-half-and-half coffee warming my hands and making my breath smell like a den of wild animals.  and what is so wrong with that?!  but oh, no.  if JCL (otherwise known as My Personal Archnemesis) is standing there getting coffee - which she inevitably is, and full-caf at that - i have to bypass the coffee bar, go to my seat first and then roll my violet beauregarde body all the way back there.  and then what if there's a big long line? or what if JCL is still there? or what if i'm late to parenting class because i had to backtrack at about the opposite of the speed of light? WHAT THEN, COFFEE LADY?! 

because the last time i found myself getting coffee with her in my general vicinity, i was the recipient of a slightly-jocular-but-really-deep-down-mostly-serious comment about how as a preggo i should not be drinking coffee.  and she has eight kids of her own, so she should know.

i did not tell coffee lady about the many many cravings for $1 large fountain drinks at mcdonald's i have indulged in to appease my uterus.  or how for the first trimester the only thing i could keep down was frappaccino.  oh, no, coffee lady.  this child is good and wired already and my half cup of decaf coffee every wednesday is not going to change that.  call me a bad mom if you want, but do it behind my back and let me get my coffee in peace.

which she will hopefully do once i'm not pregnant anymore, merely nursing, and still drinking coffee.  but by then i will also be bringing thermoses of red wine with me every wednesday to chase my coffee with, just to make sure she has something to rebuke me over.  as well she should, honestly, if i'm drinking wine from a thermos at church.  i'll give her that.  

1 comment :

butwehavethistreasure said...

Hold on just a little longer! We're praying for you. :)