life sucks sometimes. just admit it.

last week i had one of those days.  you know. 

the curtain rod fell down, spilling my lacy white sheers into the hole in my kitchen floor that leads directly to a crawl space in the basement.  which meant i was picking bug carcasses and spiderwebs out of those stupid things for fifteen minutes after first having to haul my preggo load of a body into the crawl space to retrieve them.  (also, this fiasco made me right livid about the fact that the Hole to the Abyss even exists in my kitchen to allow for such things.) i fought penelope tooth-and-nail over eating her breakfast (she is a stubborn little thing who would live on milk alone).  atticus discovered i threw away one of his masterpiece coloring sheets from church and guilt-tripped me into digging it out of the trash and hanging it, shriveled and covered in garbage stains, on my fridge.  i tried printing out my birth plan and instead ended up screaming at the printer.  i spilled tea on my brand-new-to-me, vintage, hand-crocheted tablecloth.  which ended with penelope running around the house yelling "CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!" in imitation of yours truly.  my laundry smelled like old stale water because i left it in the washer too long.  and to top it all off, at the end of the day when things are supposed to start looking up, i dropped a wooden puzzle piece on my face and split my lip open.  (don't ask me how i managed to do that.)  and the self-pride i awarded myself for not dropping the f-bomb like it was hot was tainted by the fact that god heard about a million of those bad boys inside my head, even if my kids didn't hear them come out of my mouth.

one of those days.

and all i had to be grateful for that morning was that i still had stuff to be grateful for - my sweet kids, my husband, the fact that i have indoor plumbing.  and it helped a little to think about those things, but sometimes mornings just suck even when you're grateful. 

and that's cool.  just admit it.

i think sometimes as christians we get shamed into thinking that if we were just more joyful, just more grateful, that all of a sudden those things don't even hit our radar.  our printer goes berserk?  we speak a blessing over it.  our kids refuse to eat? our first response is a prayer of thankfulness that we're wealthy enough for our kids to even have that option.  our curtains are full of mummified centipedes?  we praise god for his infinite creativity in making both centipedes and the mummification process.  and also thank him for how clean our curtains usually are and also for the opportunity to slow down and work with our hands.

anyone else not even remotely close to being this kind of christian?  just me then?

not that those aren't noble things to strive for.  but sometimes i think it's okay to just say, 'god, my morning is a piece of crap.  thank you jesus that there's something more to life than forcing eggs down my child's throat.'  just knowing that christ died for my sin, that eternity is waiting for me, that god not only remembers that i'm dust but he also lived on this earth and experienced some pretty crappy days of his own, makes it a little easier to not pull my own teeth out at the futility of it all.  and funnily enough, god meets me in that place.

one of the really beautiful things about jesus is that he doesn't wait for you to be more patient or more joyful or more thankful before he gets down in the muck with you.  he said it's the sick people who need a doctor, not the healthy.  it's the people who can't make it through the day without recognizing their need for him because so. help. me. if one more thing goes wrong i'm going to scream.  it's when you realize that there has to be more to life than just the crap that hits you in the face all day that you're able to turn to jesus.  because he's the only thing that makes this life about anything more than it is at its worst.  so honestly, i think jesus is not only cool with you freaking out over your sucky day, he actually loves it when you freak out over your sucky day if you use it as an opportunity to turn to the cross.

anyone else having a sucky day and brave enough to admit it? 


jahk said...

I m impressed. I dont think Ive met anyone who knows as much about this subject as you do. Youre truly well informed and very intelligent. You wrote something that people could understand and made the subject intriguing for everyone. Really, great blog youve got here............

todd said...

my only hope is that you love Jesus as well, since He knows all too well the ways I let you down and fail you. if you did not turn to Jesus, you would turn to me perhaps to be more than I could be and we both would be quite frustrated. i married you because i knew you loved Jesus more than me. it is one of the strengths of our marriage

A Cush said...

Absolutely love this post! Sometimes I feel like I am not grateful enough and feel incapable of making good out of a bad day...but we just have to remember that it's okay to just wallow in the sorrows of a bad day and even say a few curse words in our head. Life really does just suck sometimes and that's okay, because God loves us no matter what and tomorrow will be better.

sarahm said...

so, I'm NOT the only mom that does that stuff. so nice I'm not alone.