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pregstache

this pregnancy has caused some major body image distortion issues.  but you know what? i have found that body dismorphic disorder doesn't have to be as scary or sickening as TLC specials would make you think. 

i'm a big old fatty with rampant preggerface and boobs that are significantly different in both size and shape, and i'm all like, seriously what a hottie am i?!?!  my butt is huge and the skin on my legs is super sensitive and therefore very prone to razor burn, which means my legs constantly look like a 16-year-old KFC employee's face, and i'm all like, LOOK AT MEEEEEE! i feel like a million bucks riding on a unicorn eating everything ever made out of gluten.



that's pretty happy.

i will say that this pregnancy has been very good to my skin - it's really clear and a lot of my dark acne scars have faded.  plus, my cheeks are all rosy from being constantly out of breath and out of shape.  i can even sleep in my contacts without my eyes getting all strung-out-alcoholic-looking.  that is a pregnancy miracle.

however.  i am growing a beard.  or as i call it when i want to sound dainty, 'my lady whiskers.'  and also, instead of a dark line running down my belly like i've gotten in both previous pregnancies, it is above my upper lip.  i call it my pregstache.  and it's dark enough that todd noticed and suggested covergirl come out with a new concealer called 'stache blast.'  (or "conceal 'er stache," he couldn't decide.)  but you know what? i still feel like i'm looking pretty darn good.

which was my heads-up that this is not just a matter of high self-confidence or being secure in who christ made me to be.  (i'm pretty sure when it says we're made in the image of god that god doesn't literally have copious numbers of leg pimples.)  this is mental distortion at a concerning level.  should i talk to a medical professional about this? and i feel bad for my husband, who's expected to find my 'as-wide-as-i-am-tall-and-also-i-have-a-beard' bod as rockin' as i do. 

but soon enough, the swelling and engorgement will give way to sagging and flopping, and maybe then i'll be able to see myself through a more realistic lens.  maybe not, though.  steven tyler seems to be rocking it pretty hard and he has seen his fair share of sagging and flopping.  if i believe in myself hard enough, maybe i can be the steven tyler of the postpartum mom set.

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