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accountability

i am finally getting to me "summer-to-do-list," which in all reality was really more of a "once-i'm-done-with-school," list. i have read "total money makeover," all 7 of the "chronicles of narnia," "the coffee house Gospel," "the friendly road," "brave new world," and am still enjoying my daily time in the Bible. i recently started meeting with my friend andrew weekly to talk about life and sharpen each other as well as my friend hofer, with whom i'll be meeting once a week as well for the same purpose. it's been a long time coming. i'm so excited to be back being busy doing things for God's Kingdom that i really enjoy. i know finishing school was an act of honoring my parents and thereby filled with as much religious zeal as doing accountability, but i'm really glad to be done with the school part (not because i'm done honoring my parents and that was the last punch of the time card). i love reading for the fun of reading and learning about things that help me communicate God to my friends and fellow believers (who often are one in the same, but God has blessed me with many unbelieving persons who find me friendly an reciprocate quite graciously.). i teach at the light on july 10th, so i'm already mentally putting together items for that. i have some resumes in at various places. lots of neat things going on in my world. i got some mad overtime this week, always nice for padding the baby emergency fund. life is very good. God is too good to me. i can't quite explain it probably no more than jacob finding rachel, finding forgiveness from esau, finding riches, finding God. the mystery of grace is unbearable. i'm thrilled to be part of the team however, when i know i deserve to be left on the playground wishing i was better at dodgeball. if you're reading this, you are a peculiar person, quite rare, but hopefully the better now equipped to make conversation with your friendly neighborhood van voorsts. we'll leave a light on for ya.

(as if it weren't painfully obvious enough, this has been todd -- or as i'm affectionately known around the home, "husband." i like the sound of that.)

more preggers news...

sorry i feel the need to share all of my pregnancy information. i'm sure i'll end up being one of those annoying moms with flip-book photo albums of every second of my kid's life, who tells you more than once about "the funniest thing that little johnny did the other day." and the story isn't funny at all, or is one of those "had to be there" kind of things. sorry in advance.

so...we're about done with week 17 of kid-cooking and stuff has been going relatively well. i'm pretty sure i felt the kid move last night. i think i've probably felt it move before, but because it's in a part of my body in which i can sometimes feel my heart beat internally, and my stomach growl, and gas move around, and all kinds of other stuff, it's hard to know for sure whether i'm feeling the baby or just some visceral, digestive activity. but last night on the way to the light social, there was like a little...twinge? maybe that's not the right word; it's hard to describe. i tried to tell todd it was like someone running a finger over the inside of your cheek for just a second. not really super accurate, but the best way i could think of to describe the feeling of a tiny person moving inside my body to a person who doesn't have a uterus.

other than that, stuff hasn't been super out of the ordinary, pregnancy-wise. i'm starting to show (finally!) but still a long way off from maternity clothes, i think. maybe a belly band, but that's pretty much all i'll need for a while i think. my clothes are still actually even a little too big. i lost 14 pounds at the beginning of pregnancy, and at my last appointment i'd gained two back. i'm sure i've gained a little since then as well, but i'm still well below what i was before i got pregnant. i've had to get a makeshift wedding band, since my fingers have shrunk into tiny skeleton fingers and the engagement ring (aka, "the rock") todd got me just kind of jangles around all the time...mostly annoying, but kind of scary too. i have no idea what i'd do if it slipped off and i couldn't find it. probably cry for a really really long time then develop a bitterness or even a complex toward our kid, blaming it for having lost my ring. then we'd not only have to pay for a new wedding band, but also family therapy. so, to avoid all that, i dug out an old pinky ring from the 10th grade and will make do until my hands start to swell and i'll have to get another makeshift ring that's BIGGER than the rock. ah, lovely pregnancy.

even though i haven't gained much weight, my appetite has been plenty affected. some days, i have to remind myself to eat, and others (like today) it's like the kid goes into some xanax-worthy panic attack that it's going to die if i don't feed it like RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT. and by "right this very instant" i mean five minutes ago. annoying really. today i just stood in the kitchen for about 15 minutes, snarfing down a carrot while popcorn popped and rice cooked. the carrot was gone too soon, the popcorn didn't cook fast enough and the rice...well, it was rice. even though it was labeled "instant," between boiling the water, then letting it sit for 5 minutes, i seriously thought the kid was getting hungry and pissed enough to "twinge" his way right out of my uterus and raid the fridge himself. then, of course, after eating too much too quickly, i felt sick.

other than that, the only other new thing is that i'm developing a gross dark line down my stomach. at first i thought it was just dark hair, which is disgusting enough, but no. it's definitely the skin. i know it's supposedly really common during pregnancy, but seriously. weird.

man, as i'm typing this, i'm realizing just how glamorous motherhood is going to be. if it's this "mtv: diary" now, i'm sure life will really get posh once the kid is actually here.

in other news, todd is still looking around for a job. he had an interview a couple weeks ago, but between the hours (50-55 hours a week, with variable shifts), and the drive (35 miles each way) and the actual job responsibilities, he decided it wasn't something he really wanted to do. which is great in the sense that he figured it out in the interview, rather than taking the job THEN realizing it wasn't something he liked. however, it also means that we're still not sure what he'll be doing, so please be praying that a job opportunity would be available to him that would provide well for our family (i'll be staying at home once the kid shows up) as well as being something he actually enjoys.

well, that's about it for now. i'm sure i'll have something pressing to reveal to the world in a few days, though. and by "the world" i mean the handful of people who kindly read my "friday night when todd's not home to entertain me so i'll get on the internet instead" ramblings. i might even get todd to take a pregger picture (our first one, minus the many shots of the pee-stick that said i was knocked up) and post it... life sure is thrilling!

top ten and bottom ten. ish.

things that excite me most about the prospect of not being pregnant anymore:
having a normal appetite.
drinking a glass of wine every now and again without worrying that my baby's going to wind up with a third arm.
more predictable hormones.
clearer skin *crosses fingers*
never wondering whether my child is a boy or a girl. hopefully.
staying home.
being a "family" rather than a "couple."
having a baby.
getting to know my kid: what they look like and sound like and smile like and poop like.


things that excite me least about the prospect of not being pregnant anymore:

having to go through the process of becoming de-preggered.
working off the baby weight.
figuring out nursing.
having to actually figure out (and use) a breast pump. scary.
dealing with diapers (i'm seriously considering doing cloth...yikes.)
being responsible for a whole other person's life.
not having any idea what i'm doing.
not having any idea what i'm doing while trying to figure it out on serious lack of sleep and yet having tons of advice thrown my way.
staying home.

so much to think about.

in addition, here are some things i'm seriously considering:
1. using cloth diapers (way cheaper)
2. using glass bottles (way safer). hopefully the kid will take them and won't demand one teeming with BPA.
3. making my own baby detergent (seriously, dreft is a gouge.)
4. making several of my own baby toiletry products (it just occurred to me that baby powder is basically cornstarch with a bunch of preservatives and a pretty scent. cornstarch + essential oil = cheaper same thing, minus the chemicals)
5. hopefully having a garden by the time the kid needs baby food (way cheaper and better for you).

meanwhile, garage saling and second-handing has been magnificent. i bought a rocker today for 15 bucks. granted, it's lime green and has no padding whatsoever, but those are easily remedied for cheap. for those of you not in the loop, i also bought a BRAND NEW medela breast pump for 100 bucks (normally 240) - everything is still sealed up and it's still under warranty until february. um, score? i got a boppy for 5 bucks, a bunch of board books and some little toys, a like-new baby monitor and some brand-new onesies...seriously. i love digging through other people's junk. my kid will will be thrifty-chic.

however, our apartment is starting to look like a garage sale. i need to learn to get rid of our own junk before bringing other peoples' into our house.

welp, off to dinner with the bible study gals.